Pre-teens?

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

Invite or not invite? Ceremony only? If so, how to word the invite? ..

And if I invite them, how could I make it ... less boring. These aren't distant kids, but were my former students and I have become friend with their parents as well.

banana468 · August 2010

IMO, if you extend an invitation, you do it for the entire ceremony and reception.

Only you know how close you are to these people and if they'll be happy to attend.

I only attended a few weddings as a child/early teen, but I remember all of them very well because they were for people very close to me.

strlzfan11 · August 2010

You shouldn't invite people to just the ceremony without inviting them to the reception. That is just rude. There are some circles where it is considered common and appropriate to extend an invitation to members of the church via the Sunday bulletin to attend the ceremony.

If the kids are old enough (say like over 10) and well-behaved, you can put them all together at a table of their own at the reception that is near their parents' tables so that there is adult supervision close by.

Simply Fated · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:553a1f7b-ca25-422c-98ee-15d9b7943547">Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]Invite or not invite? Ceremony only? If so, how to word the invite? .. And if I invite them, how could I make it ... less boring. These aren't distant kids, but were my former students and I have become friend with their parents as well.
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]
It's not very nice to invite guests to your ceremony and not the reception. That's like saying, "You were important enough to come to my free wedding ceremony, but not important enough to come and celebrate the wedding with me."
I would either invite them to both or not at all. Keep in mind, they are your friends, despite their age, and you met your parents through them. I think it would be weird to invite the parents and not the kids, who are the reasons you even know those parents.
If you want to have an age cut-off, at, like, 18 or what ever, that's fine, but it would be rude to invite them to part of the ceremony and not both. Especially when you consider they would need rides home. If they're preteens, then they can't drive, right? Which means their parents would have to go out of their way to drop them off and return to teh festivities.

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

I see where you guys are coming from, I just thought the reception would be more boring than the ceremony because they wouldn't know any one else and a reception can last for hours, where my ceremony would be under 1.

Any ideas on how to... keep them ... not bored? 2 will be 13 - 14 ish, and they have a very sweet and well behaved younger sister that will be 8ish.

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

I'm not "justifying" it, 'm asking for advice on alternatives too. As a pre-teen I went to a wedding reception only and was BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I would have rather gone to the ceremony only.

Now instead of nitpicking at one etiquette flaw, how about giving me SUGGESTIONS on how to make it more inclusive of their age?

redheadfsu · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:423fa56c-01dc-4a6d-bf02-2ebced364f36">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not "justifying" it, 'm asking for advice on alternatives too. As a pre-teen I went to a wedding reception only and was BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I would have rather gone to the ceremony only. Now instead of nitpicking at one etiquette flaw, how about giving me SUGGESTIONS on how to make it more inclusive of their age?
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]

Um, treat them like adults. They would respect that more than you coming up with ideas to entertain them. When I was young I just wanted to be treated like an adult.

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:4fb65016-957a-4cb7-8f85-a93bcb5ed852">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : Um, treat them like adults. They would respect that more than you coming up with ideas to entertain them. When I was young I just wanted to be treated like an adult.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks, what about the one 8 year old? Same? Or ... should I maybe provide like a crossword booklet or something?</div>

redheadfsu · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:a8745960-9eee-4b46-95ff-e554bff83fb9">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : Thanks, what about the one 8 year old? Same? Or ... should I maybe provide like a crossword booklet or something?
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]

You could, but just try not to make it look like you are treating them different. Since there are several pre-teens/kids they will most likely hang out together. But, you could give them an extra favor that works with the wedding. Are you having music? Let them know they can request a few songs. Plus, if they look bored let their parents know you won't be offended if they leave early. I think you are over thinking this. Invite them to the whole wedding & they can decide if they are bored and want to leave.

Simply Fated · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:423fa56c-01dc-4a6d-bf02-2ebced364f36">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not "justifying" it, 'm asking for advice on alternatives too. As a pre-teen I went to a wedding reception only and was BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I would have rather gone to the ceremony only. Now instead of nitpicking at one etiquette flaw, how about giving me SUGGESTIONS on how to make it more inclusive of their age?
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]
I can only reply to what you tell me. You failed to tell me that you went to a reception and was bored. I never heard of anyone in my life who was 12 years old and enjoyed the ceremony more than the reception. It honestly looked to me like you're trying to find excuses to not invite these kids. If you don't want to invite, them, fine. But you said it as if you'd be doing them a favor by not inviting them.

Most pre-teens, with the exception of you, find ceremonies to be as dull as dirt.
Ceremonies require sitting straight ahead, stay quiet, no moving while some guy (or girl) goes on about marriage and commitment, things that most pre-teens have no concept of. This can go on for hours. Some ceremonies aren't even in English.
Receptions have food, talking, dancing, music. They have each other and their families to do all these things with.
If you were bored at that reception you went to, you have to ask yourself, why and what would you have done, as the host, to make it better?

I am completely unsure of what suggestions you could possibly be looking for on how to entertain a few 12 year olds at a wedding. They can use the same things the adults are going to do, no? They can dance. They can eat. They can talk.

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:af13e0e6-c3f1-4e9b-9968-20ed6cdb7a46">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : You could, but just try not to make it look like you are treating them different. Since there are several pre-teens/kids they will most likely hang out together. But, you could give them an extra favor that works with the wedding. Are you having music? Let them know they can request a few songs. Plus, if they look bored let their parents know you won't be offended if they leave early. I think you are over thinking this. Invite them to the whole wedding & they can decide if they are bored and want to leave.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>Yea, coloring books are really... not an option for these guys lol.</div><div>I'm also debating on what to do, I will have a nephew that will be around 1 by then. Not sure what to do with him. I'm having a lion dance (which is going to be REALLY loud and it usually scares kids), that is also a concern...</div><div>
</div><div>So I guess all votes are for invite and if they get bored, they'll leave on their own?</div><div>Do I put them all at a "junior guest" table or with their parents? In total there would be 5 kids/pre-teens and a 1 year old.</div>

mrsbruff2b · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:2600d49e-d4a1-480d-aa0a-971fe979b81e">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : I can only reply to what you tell me. You failed to tell me that you went to a reception and was bored. I never heard of anyone in my life who was 12 years old and enjoyed the ceremony more than the reception. It honestly looked to me like you're trying to find excuses to not invite these kids. If you don't want to invite, them, fine. But you said it as if you'd be doing them a favor by not inviting them. Most pre-teens, with the exception of you, find ceremonies to be as dull as dirt. Ceremonies require sitting straight ahead, stay quiet, no moving while some guy (or girl) goes on about marriage and commitment, things that most pre-teens have no concept of. This can go on for hours. Some ceremonies aren't even in English. Receptions have food, talking, dancing, music. They have each other and their families to do all these things with. If you were bored at that reception you went to, you have to ask yourself, why and what would you have done, as the host, to make it better? I am completely unsure of what suggestions you could possibly be looking for on how to entertain a few 12 year olds at a wedding. They can use the same things the adults are going to do, no? They can dance. They can eat. They can talk.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You do a lot of assuming. Thanks for the input, I'll consider it. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

</div>

Simply Fated · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:9deaf021-797c-4634-831c-a4c57de9b9cc">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : Yea, coloring books are really... not an option for these guys lol. I'm also debating on what to do, I will have a nephew that will be around 1 by then. Not sure what to do with him. I'm having a lion dance (which is going to be REALLY loud and it usually scares kids), that is also a concern... So I guess all votes are for invite and if they get bored, they'll leave on their own? Do I put them all at a "junior guest" table or with their parents? In total there would be 5 kids/pre-teens and a 1 year old.
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]
About the lion dance.... you are definitely over thinking this. If it gets too loud, the mother or father can take him from the room. Let the parent, parent and you just enjoy your day. It's great that you are concerned about all these other kids, but you're just stressing yourself out over things you can't control. Your 80 year old Aunt Mildred probably won't like the loud sound, either.

The 1 year old should absolutely be with their parents. Without a doubt.
Ok, out of the remaining 5 kids, one is 8 and 4 is 12/13? I'd sit them with their parents. The 8 year old will probably migrate over to the parents' table, anyway.

Simply Fated · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:d118be38-dbfc-48ba-a2c9-a3d74ff84f0b">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : You do a lot of assuming. Thanks for the input, I'll consider it.
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]
I can only use what information you give me.

mysticl · August 2010

I got distracted by all the back and forth. The 1 yr olds parents will probably have some toys for him, parents of small kids travel with toys, If it's too loud they will take him out. I went to one wedding where my friend's 5 year old held her own on the dance floor with us for the whole reception. If you are close to these kids and their parents invite them. If the kids all know each other then being at the same table could work but don't feel bad about putting them with their parents. Make a point to ask them to join you on the dance floor for an upbeat song. Don't have it announce just walk over to them and ask if they want to come dance with you.

HisCB · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:abca6177-f280-4c21-b090-03ec7ca06d9ePost:60eb47f6-9a32-4860-a8e5-c03af75fbd28">Re: Pre-teens?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-teens? : There is no way you can justify any of this by saying you think the ceremony would be <strong>less boring than the reception.
</strong>Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

i was thinking the same thing. the ceremony is the boring part, imo

as for keeping them entertained, set up some age appropriate games at a table, or if the venue site has a seperate room, put a tv/dvd player, or video game console.

kids at that age can entertain themselves by talking and enjoying getting to know eachother.

these were your students, do you know what they are in to? crafts, books, etc?

(i agree with pp that its rude to assume they wont want to come to the reception, or wont be able to entertain themselves, and awkward for the parents who are invited to both)

marisah83 · August 2010

If the reception gets too boring for the kids, I'm sure their parents will take them home. Who knows, maybe the kids will get all into the dancing or will be just fine talking and hanging out with one another.

I wouldn't worry so much. Their parents are accustomed to having kids who sometimes "get bored," so let the parents handle it as they see fit.

kayladee87 · August 2010

So I'm late to this thread, but I heard of something a couple had at their reception that might work.

They had a number of disposable cameras out and had a picture scavanger hunt for the kids. For example, take a picture of a woman in red shoes, take a picture of the bride and her father, a table of people eating cake together, etc. At the end of the evening, they leave the camera with you, giving you a ton of extra pictures from the reception.

The lady who told me about this said it went off really well (the kids really liked it and the couple liked all the extra photos), but I've never personally seen it done.

Pre-teens?

Re: Pre-teens?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards