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A Childless Wedding?

GoldenCityDreamerGoldenCityDreamer
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm having a destination wedding weekend and am invited our entire family (<90 guests). The issue is that there are 5 troublesome kids split between 3 mothers who routinely make disaterous scenes at family gatherings. They are all family so I love them but honestly, these kids are out of control. I don't want these kids to detact from the formal reception we are planning. The parents are cousins of mine and since the entire family is invited I am not sure what to do about the kids and damage control.

I have three options:
1) Make it an adults only weekend only inviting the kids in the bridal party (my nieces and nephews).

2) Set up a seperate room for the kids to enjoy with games, kid friendly movies, and take home toys like trucks as their party favors (Our venue is private so the only people in the building will be people invited to our reception so family and VERY close friends). So at the reception the kids will have a space to do what kids like to do.

3) Dont not invite the parents and their troublesome kids (seems a little harsh)

4) Allow the terror to comence and try to ignore my wedding cake on the floor (it almost happened with these kids at another wedding, recently).
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Re: A Childless Wedding?

  • bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Who would supervise the kids' area, and would the mother's trust their children to their care? If you think the mothers would  go for it, this is probably your best option.

    You are within your rights to not invite kids, but the parents may decline because of it, since it is a destination wedding.
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  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2012
    I'm in a similar situation with the DW and kids. At the risk of sounding like an ass, I'll be perfectly honest and say that I really don't like kids and don't want them at our wedding. We're planning on having a 21+ wedding. FI's aunt (also a close friend of mine) has three young kids and one 18-year-old stepdaughter. Her stepdaughter volunteered to watch any/all kids who come. We will pay her for her time (just as she would be paid for any other babysitting job) and thank her with a nice gift and we made sure she was totally okay with doing this. 

    If you can have someone responsible watching these kids, I think that it the best way to go. That way the whole families can have a "vacation" and the parents can enjoy your wedding without worrying about their kids. And as PP said, if kids can't go, a lot of people won't come at all. But I'd put this info on your website or something like that so people know no kids at the wedding but there will be another option for them. Also, as PP said, let them know who will be watching them so they can "approve".

    Good luck!!

    Edited for clarity: I'll have another room for the kids - not "in" the wedding. 
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  • GoldenCityDreamerGoldenCityDreamer
    First Comment
    @bunni727 I was thinking an RN or someone local who is certified to watch children. I think the parents who are planning on coming anyway would be up for it since our venue is reserved for just our event for the entire weekend and they'll have easy access to check on them. The room I choose for them is more of an open loung area so no closed doors or anything else scary.

    The wedding isn't for a while so we have time to figure it out and get their feedback. I asked this question on another board and they suggested that I just not invite the kids... So I came here for a second opinion.

    I appreciate your input!
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  • GoldenCityDreamerGoldenCityDreamer
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    @beardonwnbchs I like the idea of a room for the kids not in the wedding. Thanks for your input! 

    Good luck with your wedding planning!
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  • Burtonbaby145Burtonbaby145 member
    First Comment
    I like the idea of a child room since its a whole weekend destination celebration and by having a childfree event you will likely keep a lot of people from coming... A lot of places have babysitting services with certified sitters that will come to you, or hotels are often able to reccomend sitters. Best of luck! This is a thoughtful way to include everyone in your special day!
    Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. ? J.M. Barrie
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I like the idea of offering the private room & sitter. Let people know in advance though that the reception will be adult only so you have arranged for sitter & dinner for any kids. If they don't like that option, they can bring their own sitter with them or decline the invite.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I think that you could be setting yourself up for a letdown if the parents bring the kids and they don't use the sitter you provide. Then you'll have hired a sitter for nothing.

    Your better bet is to not invite the kids. This could mean the parents won't come. They could choose to come and get their own sitter, though. I'm sure the hotel could help locate someone.
    You could suggest your RN sitter and hope the use it. A lot of parents won't want to leave their kids with a sitter they don't know. And a lot of kids won't stay put if they know their parents are just in the next room or close enough to get to.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I am all for kid free weddings - even the family ones that don't include my grandkids.

    I think you need to be very cautious about the babysitting service idea.  As Retread mentioned, there are parents who won't use them and we  have had a couple of brides come on and post that they paid for sitters but no one used them.  Be mindfu of that.

    What will you do if said Monster Children decide it would be more fun to go to the main room where all the grown ups are?  Are you going to tell them the parents the kids can't be in there with them?

    Monster children really tick me off and I have no problems drawing boundaries that will deal with the problem, i.e. don't invite them.  I cut ties with a couple who has 4 heinous children.  There were 4 couples in our group and all the other kids were great so I wasn't cutting ties with them to avoid the heinous bunch.  I quit inviting them to things.

    You have 10 months to use word of mouth around the family to let them know this will be an adult only event.  My last DD had a no kid wedding and I made it my mission to make sure the family knew well ahead of time that kids weren't invited.  People always ask about wedding plans so when they did, I would find a way to mention that it was an adult only affiar.  We had some people not attend, but that was their decision and we received it graciously.

    I would not count on a babysitter solving all your problems here.


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  • aquari0216aquari0216 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If u can find a good sitter....do the kids room....u should have the mothers stay in there with and watch their rowdy asses..
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-childless-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e1e69b3-9d2f-4da3-9f6d-e8923a34bf36Post:a2b00854-2cb8-4d46-afa3-70065370ecf1">Re:A Childless Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If u can find a good sitter....do the kids room....u should have the mothers stay in there with and watch their rowdy asses..
    Posted by aquari0216[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, that is certainly a thoughtful way to treat your guests.  Um..how about just not inviting the kids?</div>
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  • 32daisies32daisies member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    The kid room is a great idea and one I considered. When I asked around (not necessarily the people I'm inviting, just in conversation with work colleagues with kids, for example), though, I found some parents would not be comfortable with the babysitter idea, no matter how reputable. And a few parents even told me they would find it offensive if asked to put their children in another room. Their children are perfect and a delight to be around and who in their right mnind WOULDN'T want little Jimmy shoving his hands in their wedding cake or knocking over the head table? That's precious!

    Sorry. I was a little taken aback when I researched this, because I was honestly trying to come up with a solution that worked for everyone. Instead, we're not inviting kids, except two family members, and they'll both be over 10 anyhow. So... my advice is, it's a terrific idea, but make sure it would get utilized.
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  • lringuelringue member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    i am only having the kids that are in the wedding party going. And my sister wants them picked up by a babysitter after they eat and have a few dances.
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  • GoldenCityDreamerGoldenCityDreamer
    First Comment
    Oh thanks everyone for your thoughtful responces! I asked my wedding date board and the majority of women there just wanted to tell me how absurd I was for suggesting a kids room. :-/ And suggested I go to the etiquette board so they can laugh as I'm "eaten alive" by you ladies! I know. Why would you wish that and why was a kids room so serious?

     There aren't that many < 7 in the family (We're technically the youngest of the first cousins), and we're the first of our friends to get engaged.  The few children that we have are from three young mothers (13-16) who are my second cousins anyway, my brothers, and a few of my powerhouse single mommy besties. We're thinking that we're going to carve them (all the second cousins) off the guest list since it reduces our guest list to a comfortable 66. And now that room can be post-reception party room!! WIN-WIN!

    I'm completely alright with the families of the children we're worried about not attending the wedding. We have thought about it and I really don't know them well and their kids have a really bad wedding and party chaos reputation. And from what I can tell if you invite the parents you invite their kids. Why risk it? Especially if there's a chance they wont use the kids room. I felt bad at first, not inviting just a few people but we have to draw the invitee line somewhere and we're stopping at first cousins and VERY close friends. Thanks again for your thoughtful responces!
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  • monique026monique026
    First Comment
    only problem I could see with having a "kids room" is sometimes the kids will get upset and want to be with their parents (as opposed to being stuck in a room at an unfamiliar location), if that's something you don't want then I'd say make it adults-only
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  • Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-childless-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e1e69b3-9d2f-4da3-9f6d-e8923a34bf36Post:23d34de2-d879-48b5-b0eb-b44d071e45ee">Re: A Childless Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh thanks everyone for your thoughtful responces! I asked my wedding date board and the majority of women there just wanted to tell me how absurd I was for suggesting a kids room. :-/ And suggested I go to the etiquette board so they can laugh as I'm "eaten alive" by you ladies! I know. Why would you wish that and why was a kids room so serious?  There aren't that many < 7 in the family (We're technically the youngest of the first cousins), and we're the first of our friends to get engaged.  The few children that we have are from three young mothers (13-16) who are my second cousins anyway, my brothers, and a few of my powerhouse single mommy besties. We're thinking that we're going to carve them (all the second cousins) off the guest list since it reduces our guest list to a comfortable 66. And now that room can be post-reception party room!! WIN-WIN! I'm completely alright with the families of the children we're worried about not attending the wedding. We have thought about it and I really don't know them well and their kids have a really bad wedding and party chaos reputation. And from what I can tell if you invite the parents you invite their kids. Why risk it? Especially if there's a chance they wont use the kids room. I felt bad at first, not inviting just a few people but we have to draw the invitee line somewhere and we're stopping at first cousins and VERY close friends. Thanks again for your thoughtful responces!
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    OP if you didn't post the below like you did, you wouldn't have gotten the responses you did....

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:6ad5c2a0-8820-4ca8-912d-0e8fbcad3757">No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want kids at my wedding or our reception. But I have settled for banishing them only from the reception. I'm thinking about setting up a seperate kids room with one or two donations babysitters and letting the kids do all that kids want to do somewhere that's supervised and not distracting from the masterpeice of a reception we are creating. Is that too much? And how do I mae the room AWESOME so they stay there :-) --- side note: We are also facing fertility issues so seeing children ususally sends me off the deepend in self-concious internalizations of what I can't do naturally (most of the kids there will be from unmarried teen moms and that somehow makes it worse). So I really really don't want kids there for more reasons than just that they're annoying additions to nice weddings .
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

     

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