kids or no kids at the reception???

thalka · March 2010

This is my first marriage and my fiance's second marriage. He has two adorable children, who will be at the wedding and reception. However, we are debating allowing other children at the wedding and reception. We know that not inviting children might cause some people to not be able to come, but inviting children (30 in a reception of 150 people) would prevent us from inviting other adult guests we might want to include? Also, having that many children changes the tone of the wedding. We originally wanted a real party atmosphere.

Any thoughts?

SaraAndrew2010 · March 2010

We're having a kid-free reception. We had a similar problem with tons of kids in the family and we would have had to cut a lot of our friends in order to invite all the kids. I don't see a problem with it as long as you are consistent. Obviously your FI's kids will be there, but if you lay down a no-other-kids rule then you have to stick by it and not make exceptions.

aperitisa · March 2010

We are currently going through this same debate. The problem is that 100% of his guest list are out of state...by a very long distance (we are in Chicago, they are in Texas and Louisiana). We are trying to keep the guest list under 250 and there are about 50 children. What we decided to do is invite the children of people that are traveling (because it will be difficult for them to leave the kids at home) and the we are not inviting the local kids (they can find a babysitter for the evening). We will probably rent out a smaller room in the reception venue and higher a few high school students to create a 'day care' for the children. The parents can still stop in and check on their kids, but can also enjoy an adult evening. Its such a find line to walk.....so we may still change all this!

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

We're not having any kids, except for my MOH's nine-month-old and my sister's five-month-old. My brother's kids, FI's brother's kids, FI's stepbrother's fiance's kid, all of them are staying home. So far no one has had a problem with it (though I nearly throttled my mother when she was continuously insisting that I had to invite my brother's kids, until I finally told her that I couldn't make exceptions for my family and not FI's.)

trix1223 · March 2010

Both my son and my DD had child free weddings, and I was delighted. Having your own children at the wedding is fine. But don't feel any obligation to have others. Just realize tht there are people who won't come unless their little snowflake is included. And they may just add snowflake's name to the RSVP card.

If that happens, you make a phone call and say "I'm sorry Marge. There's been a misunderstanding. The invitation was just for you and Homer. What's that? You won't come unless you can bring Bart, Lisa, and Maggie? I'm sorry to hear that. You'll be missed."

Good luck.

aperitisa · March 2010

hahaha trix, that literally made me laugh out loud in my office. I'm dreading those phone calls because I know there will be a few of them!

sakana1840 · March 2010

We don't want kids at our wedding but it makes it hard for me when most of my BMs have kids! young ones!

do you get daycare for them via the religious institution you're at or just say no to them?

how confusing!

trix1223 · March 2010

Sakana, You can try providing child care. But many parents won't leave their children with someone they don't know. So it's your decision. Either let your WP know ASAP that their children will not be invited so that they can arrange for child care on their own, or decide to invite kids.

villaoy · March 2010

No Kids!... weddings are an adult affair...i think children will make it feel like a sweet 16...also, the only kids we are allowiare iece and nephew and the groom's niece and nephew!... i definitely made calls to my closest friends and family to let them know ahead of time (before they get the invite)...they were all very understanding! good luck!

squirrelly29 · March 2010

We are having no kids at all and have people traveling...guess what, all my family with kids can not wait for a weekend withouth their kids. As for the people in town, they feel the same.

doubleH2010 · March 2010

We are having a no kids wedding too, or at least trying to. Most people have been fine with it. Certinaly all of my local friends have been more than happy to not bring their little ones.

The problem has been the FBIL who is in the wedding. He is travelling from out of state and has 3 children (5, 3, and 9 months). He obiously has to bring them for the weekend so we said we would get a room at the venue and hire a babysitter. He said he was not comfortable with a stranger watching his kids. We assured him we were not planning on picking up someone off the street and that many of our friends have very reliable childcare that we could use. He is still refusing and INSISTING on bringing his kids to the wedding. FI's entire family has been giving us so much grief. FBIL is a minister and says his children are used to being in church and will be fine. The older 2 probably will be, but you can't control a 9 month old. She is a very vocal baby and really likes to "talk".....loudly. She is adorable, but not what I want during my ceremony.

My neice has a 2 year old and just added her "snowflake" to the RSVP card when he wasn't invited. Annoying. I don't feel I can insist she not bring him when the FBIL is bringing his 3 kids!

I don't understand people who can't go somewhere without their kids. People are reacting like it is a personal attack on their children. That is not it at all, I want the wedding/reception to be an adult event. We are not changing anything about the evening to suit the kids. If the parents are uncomfortable with the activities, they will just have to leave. They will have to leave early because the precious little ones will not be able to last the whole evening anyway. Very frustrating.

CaptiolBride · March 2010

KID-FREE

felkels · March 2010

Our guest list just got more complicated taking the kids out...we have 6 in the wedding, two groomsmen have infants, and an usher has an infant...and EVERYONE is from out of town. I won't even meet the flower girl until the week of the wedding. We have a venue that will hold a max of 120 people, and we are both transplants from other places, but my fh went to school in this town...we are inviting family kids, kids in the family of out of town people (knowing that infants will be on mom's lap during the ceremony) and maybe one or two others...but no one else. We are having a bbq sometime after we get back from the honeymoon to have a bigger celebration with local friends and family. Just a word of warning...don't just hire high school students. Many parents will not leave their kids with high school students if they are able to bring them. If you do the daycare thing, get qualified people...1-2 people about to graduate from an education program with their firstaid/cpr training, a professional nanny (there are agencies you can get babysitters from that are certified nannies), make sure whoever it is, they have that certification, and parents would see them qualified...and above all, make sure parents know ahead of time what is going on. If they show up and are told your kid is going in this room with this stranger...but don't worry, I just met her and I know she is qualified, they might just up and leave. Tell them ahead of time, and be prepared for them to turn down the invite...as painful as it might be. Good luck!

Miss_Sophia · March 2010

My fiance and I are inviting some children to the reception. I have a lot of younger cousins one of which is our RB, my fiance's niece is the FG and he has twin nephews who are 3. Other then that there aren't any family on his side that has younger kids and I drew the line at first cousins.

It really is a preference thing for the couple getting married and most guests are understanding and gracious about it.

lalap69 · March 2010

We're treating children like all of our guests and only inviting children that we're very close to. *shrug* I think it really comes down to your personal preferences.

linzcw04 · March 2010

We are ok with having kids at our wedding...I think if it were any bigger or most of the ppl we were inviting didn't already have grown kids we would have a different opinion. But - with the two young flower girls and our ring bearer I would rather have 10 more young ones there that could help entertain themselves rather than then constantly coming up to mommy - one of them being my BM - and crying about how they are bored. We have a separate "kids only" room in our reception hall that will have toys, games, and coloring books to keep them happy. Plus we are having an evening wedding (beginning at 7pm) so those who have kids...mainly ppl we know but not necessarily get down and party with - will probably be leaving before the party really starts to jump off around 9pm or 10pm until midnight.
Now like other people - if there were like 50 of them or if half the guest list were kids running around all over the place - then yes it would be adult only.

CassieeLynn · March 2010

My fiance and I are inviting children. I have a large family with lots of cousins and we are all very close. Also, we are having an alcohol-free wedding, so it doesn't really matter if we have kids or not at the wedding. We're still going to have dancing, food, etc. It will still be our wedding reception and I don't think including our younger family members will change that.

cbmt · March 2010

I will not be allowing kids at the reception unless they are in the wedding. I had the same problem. I have a big family with a lot of kids. I just told them that I will not be able to invite the friends and family that I wanted to invite if I allowed them to bring kids. I have also added "Adult Reception" to the invite. I think that people have enough time to find a baby sitter as long as they know in advance, how else do they go anywhere else. This is your day.

clynnwatson · March 2010

We had pretty much the same issue as you, although on a bigger scale [I have 26 Aunts and Uncles and 60 first cousins - on one side] Our venue is a 150 person venue so we were barely able to invite the adult cousins we wanted [Aunts and Uncles were a must].

It's fun to have kids, but if you have a large family, unfortunately it's not always possible.

kids or no kids at the reception???

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