Bridesmaid dress dilemma

chescam · May 2011

One of my bridesmaid requested to wear a scarf with her dress. I had let them suggest dresses that they liked and then had them try it in store. They voted on their dress and should be ordering in June.

The dress is strapless and looks good on all the girls. Now all of a sudden this one bridesmaid is saying that it's too revealing and she wants to cover her shoulders. I really don't get it; she liked the dress before and the month before she is supposed to order, she has an issue with the selection. If she had told me this earlier, we could have picked something else.

Getting the dress is the only request I've made of the girls. They pick their own shoes. A hair stylist is doing their hair as a gift (given to me by one bridesmaid), and I'm paying for their makeup if they want to get it done.

I really wanted a clean, simple look for the girls. No scarves. She'll be the only one wearing a scarf as the other girls have no objections about the dress. I really don't want her wearing a scarf. Am I being unreasonable by telling her no?

Amt2109 · May 2011

I agree she should have told you sooner about her preference but personally I know I'd be pretty uncomfortable if my arms were out, and if I were told by a bride that I couldn't wear a wrap or something to hide them, then I'd either be hiding all day trying not to be seen in pictures, or I'd step down.

What you have to decide is... is your vision more important than their comfort (and smiles in your pictures?). Telling her no may cause more drama than its worth.

Visions change. Mine have, several times during planning.

Good luck!

jenniferacampbell · May 2011

maybe it's me being a b*tch, but i know what i want for my wedding and i think i would feel the same way you do about this issue. if one of my bridesmaids said this to me, not going to lie, i would be a little annoyed about it. especially since she had the chance to say something. i would explain my feelings to her, but if she still felt uncomfortable, i would probably let her wear it. however, i would ask that she not wear it for pictures so that everyone looks uniform. good luck!

sarahsaturday2701 · May 2011

I would tell her she can definitely bring a scarf to wear before, during, and after but that in the pics and the walk down the aisle you'd prefer her to not wear it.

halij52002 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fcf7f2ea-b42d-461a-9166-b1c740c31097Post:7c994751-690d-48e0-b62b-f7d8ec9776e6">Re: Bridesmaid dress dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I would tell her she can definitely bring a scarf to wear before, during, and after but that in the pics and the walk down the aisle you'd prefer her to not wear it.
Posted by PippyJ1027[/QUOTE]

I agree. I'm also the type to really not want to make the BM uncomfortable. I'm not anywhere near a bridezilla and will never be. That's just me. I have asked the bridesmaids if they agreed on the dress that I chose and if they were okay with the price. My FSIL has not answered back. So, we have chosen with out her. I have 3 BM and 2 MOH. I am allowing my MOH's to chose their own dress. But I would like it to be the same color, length, and fabric. They were both more than happy to oblige.

mbcdefg · May 2011

I had two bridesmaids and gave them each a green pashmina to keep warm for outdoor photos. One of them elected to wear hers throughout our church ceremony. It really wasn't a big deal at all.

She took it off for the formal bridal party photo and never actually wore it outdoors, but even if she had it wouldn't have been a big deal.

I don't think this is something that's going to matter once the wedding day actually arrives. Your photos won't be ruined. And I personally would hate to tell a friend, "Sorry, but I'd really rather you suck it up and be uncomfortable, than my photos look un-uniform."

chescam · May 2011

I have four bridesmaids (no MOH); 2 are out of state. I originally wanted the girls to wear a one shoulder strap dress but they didn't like it. Three girls picked the final dress and one girl just told me to pick a dress and she'll wear it. The one who was told me that she'll wear whatever was selected only had one request: that the heels be comfortable and low. I had no problem with this. To solve this problem, I just let them pick their own shoes. I don't know what they look like but will see them on the wedding day.

I'm really flexible and if this bridesmaid had spoke up sooner we could have picked out something else. I'm not trying to make her uncomfortable. I do like the suggestion of her wearing it during the wedding except during the walk down the aisle or for pictures, but she may not be comfortable with this either. I'll ask her and see how it goes.

mbcdefg · May 2011

Here are some photos of my ceremony, if you want to look, with one BM wearing a pashmina: http://mbcdd.weebly.com/ceremony.html

I don't think it'll make a difference in the way the photos look. Once you get your wedding pics back you (hopefully) aren't going to be scrutinizing them to see if everyone matches.

graysquirrel · May 2011

I would let her wear the scarf. I agree with mbcdefg that in the grand scheme of things, it really wont matter and your pictures will be fine. I would rather have my friend comfortable and feeling beautiful than to worry that she might not perfectly match the others. I realize your frustration with her reticense, but I'd wager that nobody will care if she has a wrap. You could even help her pick it out if you want to make sure that it looks decent.

mbcdefg · May 2011

I also have to add that from what I've seen on these boards, with my friends's weddings and with my own wedding, it seems like people are willing to do more for you if you ask less of them. Sometimes people will be less cooperative or flexible if they feel like they're having orders barked at them or if the bride is being too micromanaging.

For example, my BM has a visible back tattoo and asked if I wanted it covered. I said it was entirely her call, since the priest said tattoos would be O.K. in church. She wound up wearing the pashmina and covering it anyway, by her own choice. It didn't matter to me either way.

littlestowl · May 2011

I would let her wear the scarf. If you're absolutely against her wearing a scarf, would you be okay with having a coordinating simple cami that she could wear instead?

mbcdefg · May 2011

Or how about a shrug?

http://www.etsy.com/search/handmade/weddings?q=shrug&noautofacet=1

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/womens/dresses/viewalldresses/PRD~689065/corey+p+Dolman+Shrug.jsp

chescam · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fcf7f2ea-b42d-461a-9166-b1c740c31097Post:27ec40cc-09ba-4870-96b5-d7851d6b02bd">Re: Bridesmaid dress dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I also have to add that from what I've seen on these boards, with my friends's weddings and with my own wedding, it seems like people are willing to do more for you if you ask less of them. Sometimes people will be less cooperative or flexible if they feel like they're having orders barked at them or if the bride is being too micromanaging. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
Posted by mbcdefg<div>
</div><div>I'm not micromanaging! The only thing I've required of them is purchasing a dress.

</div><div>[QUOTE]You could even help her pick it out if you want to make sure that it looks decent.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>I don't really have the time. I was living on the west coast for school and did wedding planning stuff when I got back to Florida. It sounds good in therory but this BM travels alot for her job. She'll be gone this month and I'll be back on the West coast for graduation next month.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE]I would let her wear the scarf. If you're absolutely against her wearing a scarf, would you be okay with having a coordinating simple cami that she could wear instead?
Posted by littlestowl[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>I already answered this. I liked one of the suggestions posted.</div><div>I also like the shrug idea. </div>

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