Vent: FMIL is a jerk (kind of long)

Kelki · April 2010

As you may know, FI and I live in Seattle and all of our families live in MI. FI's mom was supposed to come and visit us this weekend. She flaked out on us and I am pretty mad about it. We've been here for 3 years, and she has not been out to visit in 2 years. That may not seem like a big deal, because it's not cheap to fly and I understand that. Except she's a flight attendant who can fly to see us for under $100 round trip. Also- she goes to Florida with her boyfriend twice a month, so obviously the travel isn't a problem.

She has planned and then cancelled on us no less than 4 times. Once on my fiance's birthday, and the reason was because the weather was nice and she wanted to plant flowers at her boyfriends house! Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture? I'm tired of seeing my poor FI's feelings get hurt, and there's nothing I can really do about it but I needed to get it off my chest. I don't like to bash her in front of him but I am filled with rage today. She cancelled her trip this time because she has to go to her bf's 2nd cousins funeral...a cousin she has never met mind you. Am I wrong here? I think she is an a-hole.

brobin01 · April 2010

LOL!! at calling her a a-hole. Is she jealous of you? Is there tension between you two? IDK - seems weird!

Kelki · April 2010

No tension, she loves me and normally we get along. She started dating this guy like 2 years ago and now everything revolves around him and what he likes to do. she's like a teenager. It's nauseating. I know i sound like a brat, and I should say that I am always super nice to her and I try not to say mean things about her to him, but I am starting to lose it a little, lol.

brobin01 · April 2010

Wow! Yeah..maybe she is just enjoying being all in love. i'm sure you can relate. You know how it is when you are all butterflies and gum drops over a guy. LOL But on the other end, it is you that has to witness how this neglect makes her son/your fi feel. If you have a close relationship with her, why not just be straight up and tell her how it is affecting her son?Just let her know he really really misses her and gets kind of down when she cancels on you guys. I would explain to her that when she cancels over and over, the feeling of hurt easily turns into anger and that you really don't want that to happen (even though you are already on that level).

shadow0304 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_vent-fmil-jerk-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:724e2fd0-1730-465d-bb4c-9c74dfc951edPost:0968d7e7-b95c-4a0b-a999-84c494c4f655">Re: Vent: FMIL is a jerk (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]You know how it is when you are all butterflies and gum drops over a guy. Posted by brobin01[/QUOTE]
<snort laugh />

Um, she's a flight attendant and can't seem to get there? No, you are not being out of line, she's ridonk! Brandi does have good advice tho. But I think you're totally in the right to feel the way you do. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that's a pretty weak reason (boyfriend) for not visiting/cancelling on her son.

mybestfriendsfuturemrs · April 2010

I agree with Brandi. My FMIL can be an a-hole too. For awhile she wasn't talking to her own mother. She can be very selfish and I've started to notice that she really only seems to call me when she wants me to do something for her. (ie order hair coloring off the internet, order a coffee maker off the internet.....she HAS a computer and internet service both at home and work!)

Anyways, I got sick of how she was treating her mom so I straight up told her that if she didn't think she could get along with her mom when it came time to our wedding then she wouldn't be invited. FI's grandma means a lot to him.

I hope that you are able to talk some sense into his mom.

Good Luck!

boogerbearoriginal · April 2010

That stinks - I can sorta understand her canceling due to a funeral, even if she didn't know the person its nice to be there in support. But considering she had already canceled to plant flowers, it sounds like her priorities are screwed up.

I like Brandi's suggestion - have a heart to heart with her about how its hurting FI's feelings. It stinks that she's consistently chosing her bf over her son.

Kelki · April 2010

I'll try to chat with her about it. I have tried the heart to heart route before and I don't think it really sinks in. But perhaps I should change my tactics..maybe i will just read what you wrote Brandi, lol.

I get that she is love, but dang. It's probably better if she stays in MI anyhow. she's always talking about her sex life and it's gross. Her bf is 61 years old...NOT a visual I enjoy thinking about.

Thanks for your advice gals.

brobin01 · April 2010

she's always talking about her sex life and it's gross. Her bf is 61 years old...NOT a visual I enjoy thinking about.

HAAAA!!!!!

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2010

Wow, I can relate on BOTH sides of this.

Reminder to self (who has 23 y/o son): Don't ever make him feel like he's second to the love of my life that I'm preparing to marry.

My daughter has felt slighted because of the time & plans I make with my fiance.... but she lives here, LOL. She gets all my attention except for the weekend, and I don't even see him every weekend. Her slights though are more along the lines of "you plan stuff with him, but not me"?

So, I can understand your fiance, and while I've been with my fiance for over 2 years, because we don't see each other often, I try to make spend time with him as often as possible. Both sides are difficult.

I agree with Brandi, talk to her about it. She probably just figures because he's an adult, and planning a wedding, he's too busy to miss Mom.

Good luck.

Vent: FMIL is a jerk (kind of long)

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