RSVP date for A and B list guests

Twowarlocks · February 2013

I have an "A" list and a "B" list. If I'm getting married on October 12th, when should I send my invitations to my A list guests? How long after that should I send the B list invites?

[Deleted User] · February 2013

It's easy, you don't do a B list. It's incredibly rude and hurtful to make any of your guests feel like second class citizens.

beardownbchs · February 2013

There are no etiquette rules on the time frames because A lists and B lists are terribly rude. Please don't do this. Invite the people you can afford/accommodate 6-8 weeks before and call it a day.

AddieCake · February 2013

Send ALL your invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding. B lists are rude. How would you like to be invited to something only if the host's first choice couldn't make it?

Twowarlocks · February 2013

How would I know if I'm someone's second choice? I have family I don't give a rat's ass about but they're on the B list because they're family.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

Because you would get your RSVP date closer to the wedding date then normal. This should be something you give a rat's ass about.

AddieCake · February 2013

It's easy to find out if you are B listed based on when the invitations arrive and because people talk. And if you don't give a rat's ass about certain people, why invite them at all?

Twowarlocks · February 2013

Because they're family and I read on here that you're not allowed to cherry pick which family members to invite.

AddieCake · February 2013

But if you are only B listing them, they ARE cherry picked b/c you will only invite the ones you have room for when the A Listers decline. And you most certainly CAN cherry pick your family if your family dynamics allow for that, as mine did. You know, reading some of your posts in other threads is making me think you are a troll, so I am going to let this be my last response to you. Good luck with your planning!

tiny speck · February 2013

Honestly if you think you need to invite aunts and uncles you haven't seen in years just because they're family, just leave them off the guest list entirely. If they ask why, tell them you're keeping the guest list small and leave it at that; if you feel you must "include" them somehow, send a marriage announcement after the wedding. Don't do an A and B list.

mlg78 · February 2013

Yes, B lists are rude.

To answer your original question -- it depends on your venue and when they need the final count. For me, they want it ten days beforehand and our RSVP date is about 5 days before that date so we have time to follow up with those shameful people who don't return their RSVP.

But again, B listing people is rude. How would you feel if you received an invite just 2-3 weeks before a wedding?

alewis007 · February 2013

I am in a very similar situation. I'm getting married exactly as week before you actually. Of course having a B list is not ideal but if you're like me, you have a very large family and a very limited budget. We’d love to invite everyone but we just can’t.

We are planning to send out our A list invitations at the end of June. That way we will have plenty of time to get back the RSVP's to send out our B list invitations in August if applicable.

Your family should understand that you are on a budget. If someone insists that you invite someone (or insists on anything for that matter) ask them if they would like to pay for the wedding. Your wedding, your budget, your decision period.

Hope this helps! Best of luck with planning!

LDubHawksFan · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_rsvp-date-for-a-and-b-list-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:5601a6f6-7ff3-4ef4-a554-6dce28c9536cPost:165bf4a0-96ec-44c6-806c-42126ee072d4">Re: RSVP date for A and B list guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a very similar situation. I'm getting married exactly as week before you actually. Of course having a B list is not ideal but if you're like me, you have a very large family and a very limited budget. We’d love to invite everyone but we just can’t. We are planning to send out our A list invitations at the end of June. That way we will have plenty of time to get back the RSVP's to send out our B list invitations in August if applicable. Your family should understand that you are on a budget. If someone insists that you invite someone (or insists on anything for that matter) ask them if they would like to pay for the wedding. Your wedding, your budget, your decision period. Hope this helps! Best of luck with planning!
Posted by alewis007[/QUOTE]

Wrong. Don't do this. I got married the same time last year as you are and we sent out ours the beginning of August, which was on the earlier side. If you send your A in June, that is waaaay to early. You are also now paying for two sets of invites, which defeats the purpose of saving money. You need to only invite how many people you can afford. People have really large families and not a huge budget all the time......but they make decisions rather than offending their family by saying you aren't really good enough to invite unless someone I <em>really </em>wanted to come can't.

QueerFemme · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_rsvp-date-for-a-and-b-list-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:5601a6f6-7ff3-4ef4-a554-6dce28c9536cPost:165bf4a0-96ec-44c6-806c-42126ee072d4">Re: RSVP date for A and B list guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a very similar situation. I'm getting married exactly as week before you actually. Of course having a B list is not ideal but if you're like me, you have a very large family and a very limited budget. We’d love to invite everyone but we just can’t. We are planning to send out our A list invitations at the end of June. That way we will have plenty of time to get back the RSVP's to send out our B list invitations in August if applicable. Your family should understand that you are on a budget. If someone insists that you invite someone (or insists on anything for that matter) ask them if they would like to pay for the wedding. Your wedding, your budget, your decision period. Hope this helps! Best of luck with planning!
Posted by alewis007[/QUOTE]

What you are doing is rude and against every level of proper etiquette.

You make one guest list. You include everyone you want to and can afford to include on that list. You don't make a list of second best guests that "might" get an invite if one of your REAL guests decides not to come.

Every couple has to make cuts to their guest list because of budget or space concerns. And they somehow decide to do it without being rude. Your situation isn't special. You don't get a special pretty princess pass that says "oh, but WE are on a budget, it's ok for US to be rude.

alewis007 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_rsvp-date-for-a-and-b-list-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:5601a6f6-7ff3-4ef4-a554-6dce28c9536cPost:057cc3e8-ce5e-4a31-a2a1-5adae34ec83d">Re: RSVP date for A and B list guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP date for A and B list guests : Wrong. Don't do this. I got married the same time last year as you are and we sent out ours the beginning of August, which was on the earlier side. If you send your A in June, that is waaaay to early. You are also now paying for two sets of invites, which defeats the purpose of saving money. You need to only invite how many people you can afford. People have really large families and not a huge budget all the time......but they make decisions rather than offending their family by saying you aren't really good enough to invite unless someone I really wanted to come can't.
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

<div>Well since you feel so strongly, please feel free to send me your credit card number. </div>

MoxieMickie · March 2013

In Response to Re:RSVP date for A and B list guests:[QUOTE]I never understand people who say quot;how would they know they were on the B listquot;. nbsp;Do you order two sets of invites with two RSVP dates? nbsp;Because you cannot know how many people aren't coming until after the RSVP date
has passed and you've called everyone
who didn't respond. nbsp;That's eithe
r going to put the A RSVP WAAAAAY
early or the B RSVP WAAAAY late.
nbsp;People aren't stupid, they can do basic math. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm also astounded that people basically use the argument, " we won't get caught so there won't be any trouble." How many political careers have ended because that didn't work out.

RSVP date for A and B list guests

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