September 11

abelch2 · January 2010

I got engaged exactly one month ago. I have always pictured myself having a fall wedding. My ideal date is September 18th or the first two weekends in October. I have two locations I have narrowed it down to, the first one I like and they have my date available and the second I really like (my Fiance LOVES the second). However, the second location does not have our ideal date of September 18th or either October date. I would wait for the October 16th date, I just think that is pushing it weather-wise...They do have an opening on September 11th, what do you think about a September 11th wedding?

shellydiane820 · January 2010

Unless you have family members that passed on that day, I think its okay.

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

This tends to be a controversial subject. I personally wouldn't do it. Do you have any family coming that was directly affected that day?

Edit: Family or friends

Koopa17 · January 2010

Is the venue an outdoor venue? You're going to get mixed results on this, but personally I'd go with Oct 16th.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Don't do the ceremony and reception on a different day. If you get married on the 10th, then your anniversary will be the 10th... not the 11th.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_september-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee85794-da0d-44c1-93f8-769382f5c839Post:476fe7e4-e06c-47b6-aad5-05780652838c">Re: September 11</a>:
[QUOTE]No. I don't have any family that was affected by the day. See we want to actually get married on the 10th, with close friends and family, because we have alot of out of town guest and don't want them to have to take off work on Friday to make it to our friday evening wedding. Then on the 11th have the actual party/reception, So our first anniversary wouldn't be the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. I just don't know if that would be weird...
Posted by abelch2[/QUOTE]

Let me rephrase.. your guests will want to come see you get married. If they are OOT and are travelling in, they are probably not going to want to miss the actual ceremony, as that's the important part.
I'd wait for Oct 16 if you don't want to have 9/11 as your anniversary. However, I guarantee you that there are other people, married more than 9 years ago, who have that anniversary. If you or your family was not directly affected, then its ok.

ootmother2 · January 2010

No, I would not due September 11th

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

Sarah- Where is that venue in your siggy? I'm drooling over it.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Its my venue.. you can;t have it LOL
Its in Austin
www.casablancatexas.com
I fell in love the first time I visited.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

FYI, I'm skipping the previous responses.

We've seen this question before, and I agree that if you or someone you know lost someone, then I'd pass on that date.

But if you didn't, then go for it. Nobody stopped having weddings on April 19 because of the Oklahoma City bombing. Nobody stopped having weddings on December 7 because of Pearl Harbor. You can't skip a date just because of something that happened on that date. Bad things happen every day, but we keep living.

September 11, 2001 was a day full of tragedy. but there is no need to continue to be tragic over the tragedies.

As stated previously, if you or someone you know was affected personally by the attacks that day, then skip. Otherwise, let September 11, 2010 be a wonderful day.

tenofcups4me · January 2010

I was living in NYC the day the towers went down and I'm not sure I"ll ever see a September 11 that I don't think of that day. I also have many friends who were living in NY and DC at the time. But certainly not everyone feels that way. If you and your close family and friends don't have difficult memories or associations with that day, then I don't see any reason not to use it.

But I do think a ceremony one day and a reception the next is really odd. To the me, the main event is the ceremony; the reception is just the party so it's awfully weird to be invited to the party and not the actual ceremony.

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

Hmph! I can too have it! I promise not to get married in the same month (or even year) as you....
Somehow I dont think T would understand me wanting a wedding in TX just because of the venue. I cant even talk him into SC and I have reasons for wanting to get married there..

apple_green · January 2010

Obviously peoples' opinions differ here. I feel that if you and your guests were not directly affected, I'm okay with it. I don't mean to be insensitive - of course we were all impacted. Just not as much as those in NY, etc.

Also I wouldn't have the ceremony and reception on different days. Especially if it's just for the date... but don't do it anway.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_september-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee85794-da0d-44c1-93f8-769382f5c839Post:f4f86325-bf75-4fd5-857b-85b5c1d31a59">Re: September 11</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmph! I can too have it! I promise not to get married in the same month (or even year) as you.... Somehow I dont think T would understand me wanting a wedding in TX just because of the venue. I cant even talk him into SC and I have reasons for wanting to get married there..
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

It is a nice venue, maybe you can convince him! And I wouldnt mind if you got married the very next day, just not the day before. I am not down for the thunder stealing <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />.
I'm glad you like it. I am so excited to get married there, on a Fall evening, with the lights twinkling in the trees... hmmmm..

Koopa17 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_september-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee85794-da0d-44c1-93f8-769382f5c839Post:1de8ea23-719a-4aa2-882c-10d1b604a238">Re: September 11</a>:
[QUOTE]Obviously peoples' opinions differ here. I feel that if you and your guests were not directly affected, I'm okay with it. I don't mean to be insensitive - of course we were all impacted. Just not as much as those in NY, etc. Also I wouldn't have the ceremony and reception on different days. Especially if it's just for the date... but don't do it anway.
Posted by apple_green[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. And to add to my previous reply, I wouldn't personally pick this date but I wouldn't be offended if someone else did.

But yeah...I wouldn't split the ceremony and reception into 2 different days.

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

Haha It will be gorgeous! I'll be looking forward to your photos. Not a lot you can do here with the palm trees and cactus...give me some real trees!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

I couldn't do it, but this is something only you can decide. Be prepared for people who were very affected by that day to perhaps decline.

I wouldn't do it because my friend's father died that day. But she also likes to keep busy on that anniversary, so who knows? I just wouldn't want to intentionally send her a lot of stationary with the date of her father's death on it.

Then again, I'm getting married on the anniversary of the death of one of my friend's mothers. I didn't have any idea until a few weeks ago.

Every date might be hard for someone. But 9/11 has bad connotations for a lot of people.

SarahSmile23 · January 2010

yeah, the 9-11 issue is the trojan horse here. the real issue is the different days for the ceremony and the reception. september 11 is fine, splitting the ceremony and reception isn't. please re-think this!

thesuninherhead · January 2010

I'm not sure that I follow why having a private ceremony and larger reception isn't ok. Certainly, we've talked about this in the past and the consensus at that time seemed to be that it was fine, as long as you weren't talking about a 'second wedding' esque ceremony before the reception.

In any case, I think September 11 is fine. I think it would fine to have your anniversary on Sep 11 as well, although you don't seem to be as comfortable with that. All of that said, I''m not American, and I did not experience a personal loss on that day. If your friends or family did, they may feel very differently about having a celebration on a day of mourning.

BecW2be · January 2010

I think the difference between Pearl Harbor Day and the date of the OKC bombing is that these are not known by their date. September 11 is called 9-11 or Sept. 11. So the actual date is what we call it.

I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't skip a wedding or be offended if I was invited to one. I think 10.16 in Baltimore could still work, and colors will be at their peak if you are outdoors. JMO.

lyndausvi · January 2010

I would never do it, but DH lost friends in the towers.

That said we would attend a wedding on that day with no problem. We attend our friend's b-day party each year without thinking twice about it.

Actually we have 2 friends with a Sept 11 birthday. It's never occured to us not to celebrate that day.

Just because we are able to celebrate a friends birthday, does not mean at some point during the day we are not thinking about what happend that day. We just do not like it consume us.

kristinanddan · January 2010

I would never be able to do it. This question comes up a lot, and to me the fact that so many venues have that date available speaks volumes.

microkelly · January 2010

We had the same dilema but actually decided to go with a 9/11 wedding date. No one we know was personally affected by it so we really didn't see an issue. My FI said to look at it this way, by having our wedding that day we are showing that the terrorists don't own that day with bad memories forever. I'll always think about what happened on 9/11 but honestly the date itself that I get married on isn't that important to me. I think if the date is important to you than I would do the 10/16.

SarahSmile23 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_september-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee85794-da0d-44c1-93f8-769382f5c839Post:fb7bc308-2ba4-4143-ae36-99bb3811c3f7">Re: September 11</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure that I follow why having a private ceremony and larger reception isn't ok. Certainly, we've talked about this in the past and the consensus at that time seemed to be that it was fine, as long as you weren't talking about a 'second wedding' esque ceremony before the reception. In any case, I think September 11 is fine. I think it would fine to have your anniversary on Sep 11 as well, although you don't seem to be as comfortable with that. All of that said, I''m not American, and I did not experience a personal loss on that day. If your friends or family did, they may feel very differently about having a celebration on a day of mourning.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

i would never think it was ok to have a ceremony the night before and have the reception the next day. it isn't like they are having a private ceremony in one state and coming home to celebrate with their friends and families with an at-home reception. they are just intentionally excluding people from the ceremony. that's how i'd feel. a friend of mine is getting married out of state this weekend. i was invited to the reception but not the private ceremony. yeah, i definitely didn't travel for that.

September 11

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