Potentially awkward situation.. opinions requested.

achiduck · January 2012

My friends mother is a seamstress and altered her wedding gown as well as a few others of women we know.

Her daughter (the friend) and I haven't really be on fabulous terms for awhile. I'm not really sure what I did but she blocked me from FB and basically stopped talking to me and our circle out of the blue. When FI and I got engaged I e-mailed her to let her know before announcing on FB out of respect for our long friendship (14 years). She never responded. I called a few months later to wish her and her H a happy anniversary and got an e-mail from her about a week later saying she'd been super busy but did hear that I got engaged and wished me well. I replied asking if we could have coffee and never heard back (this was at the end of August).

I've been thinking about asking her mom to do the alterations to my dress but it could get pretty awkward since I have no intentions of inviting her daughter to the wedding. I haven't seen her since August 2010 and she hasn't responded to any of my efforts to keep the friendship alive (phone calls, e-mails, birthday/anniversary/christmas cards, etc). I feel like if I ask her to do the alterations that I'm not only going to have to invite my (former) friend and her husband but also her mom and dad.

Should I just deal with it or find a different seamstress?

NOLAbridealmost · January 2012

I'd absolutely find another seamstress.

Seriously, it's best to deal with vendors at arm's length. Friends are risky in the best of times. Friends where there is already drama are a huge, huge risk.

jennbean81 · January 2012

I would deal with another seamstress.

kimberlykh · January 2012

Definitely find another seamstress.

achiduck · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potentially-awkward-situation-opinions-requested?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a52a276-0693-47c0-a554-368045853908Post:34386f69-29f3-44eb-8898-61b79e9da06c">Re: Potentially awkward situation.. opinions requested.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd absolutely find another seamstress. Seriously, it's best to deal with vendors at arm's length. <strong>Friends are risky in the best of times. Friends where there is already drama are a huge, huge risk.</strong>
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
This is a good point. The last thing I want is for my dress to get completely screwed up.

kate2188 · January 2012

I think if it were me, I would go with the friend's mom, just because she's probably already heard that you're engaged, and your friend obviously already knows you're engaged, so I don't think the dress would be a shocking revelation, or something to indicate an invite.

However, if I felt there were any chance of the situation turning awkward, as the title of the post indicates you do, I would go with another seamstress. So, yeah... ditto PPs, probably safest to go with a different seamstress.

em01092 · January 2012

I think it could get mad weird, even though it sounds like you did everything you could to maintain the friendship. I would just find another seamstress to avoid the possibility of drama.

maccor16 · January 2012

I would find another seamstress.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

Honestly, if this lady is a professional seamstress, I am guessing she is professional enough to not mess up your dress and to still do a good job. Plus, is her daughter even living with her? I doubt her daughter would have a clue that it's your dress vs anoter person's dress unless she actually sees you come in or if her mom tells her.

The seamstress I am using does incredible work, like past the realms of incredible, and she's soooo reasonably priced. Her daughter is also a girl I go to school with but never really got along with. Just because a vendor you use has family that is an acquaintance or even a friend of yours, it doesn't mean the experience will be any different. If you've used her before and/or you absolutely KNOW she's good, I'd go with her. I'd rather go with someone I trust than someone I don't know, regardless of history. She's a professional. Her seamstress stuff is none of her daughter's business.

rebarobert2012 · January 2012

I'm assuming that you would be paying your friend's mother to do the alterations? If so, just treat it like a business relationship. However, the situation could get so awkward that I think I would just find someone else to do the alterations, especially if you are worried that the alterations might not get done.

Laurmi · January 2012

I would definitely go elsewhere. Yikes!

Laura

hoffse · January 2012

I doubt the seamstress would be so petty as to ruin your dress, particularly if it's a business she's in, but honestly I'd probably go elsewhere just for the peace of mind. It sounds like it's stressing you out, and anything you can do to avoid stressful situations is a good thing. I get the impression that if you use her, then you'll be worried about your dress until you get it back, and you'll be worried about how to handle the situation until your wedding is over. Save yourself the stress.

specialk84 · January 2012

I'm with Chelsea. I doubt the lady is going to ruin your dress because you didn't invite her whole family to the wedding.

I fail to see why her daughter, who has made every effort to ignore you, would want to be invited to your wedding. Even if you did invite her, there's no reason to invite her parents. That's bizarre.

Potentially awkward situation.. opinions requested.

Re: Potentially awkward situation.. opinions requested.

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