Moms and Maids

Venting: Future in law issues

Throughout my relationship with my FH, his family has welcomed me in a way I'm not used to and not how I would have liked. They never really seem too excited to see me, I guess. He proposed in Disney World and when they picked us up from the airport, the first thing out of their mouths were, "We already have the wedding planned!" It kinda through me off and I kinda got a little annoyed. I've barely been engaged for a few days and your saying you have it planned!?! Then when we set the date (10/11/12) we picked it obviously for the date, not realizing its everyone's birthday (I litteraly have 7 friends with that birthday). Most significantly its one of my BM's and his sister. His sister through a hissy fit and demanded we change the date or she wouldn't come. We talked her down and changed her mind. Then when I chose my MOH and BM's, I did not ask his sister because we are not necessarily close and she is always getting on my last nerve. She is now resenting that fact and making my BM's uncomfortable. She won't however tell me she has a problem with it. She is now trying to suggest really horrible ideas, that I don't like and I don't know a nice way of saying no. I know this sounds mean and rude, but she's driving everyone crazy. 
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Re: Venting: Future in law issues

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting-future-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f280435e-432d-4202-8c6a-5952996f02b2Post:5623baa1-4668-4c4d-9140-dc1f0fc38be1">Venting: Future in law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Throughout my relationship with my FH, his family has welcomed me in a way I'm not used to and not how I would have liked. They never really seem too excited to see me, I guess. He proposed in Disney World and when they picked us up from the airport, the first thing out of their mouths were, "We already have the wedding planned!" It kinda through me off and I kinda got a little annoyed. I've barely been engaged for a few days and your saying you have it planned!?! Then when we set the date (10/11/12) we picked it obviously for the date, not realizing its everyone's birthday (I litteraly have 7 friends with that birthday). Most significantly its one of my BM's and his sister. His sister through a hissy fit and demanded we change the date or she wouldn't come. We talked her down and changed her mind. Then when I chose my MOH and BM's, I did not ask his sister because we are not necessarily close and she is always getting on my last nerve. She is now resenting that fact and making my BM's uncomfortable. She won't however tell me she has a problem with it. She is now trying to suggest really horrible ideas, that I don't like and I don't know a nice way of saying no. I know this sounds mean and rude, but she's driving everyone crazy. 
    Posted by Bowlingcouple07[/QUOTE]

    What is she doing to make your BM's uncomfortable?

    You can try to say, "Thank you for your ideas, but we won't be using any of them." Or you can do the *blank stare* when ever she mentions one of her ideas. And don't talk wedding plans in front of her.

    Also, you have over a year to go. So dont' let it stress you out so much now because by the time your wedding finally gets here, you'll want to throw her off a bridge. And then his family really won't like you. Breathe. Relax. Repeat.
    image
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Ditto simply.  Quit talking about the wedding around his sister and his family.  You and FI make your plans and when someone suggests something, you can say thanks for the suggestion, have you tried the bead dip?  It's great.

    Bean dipping is an art form every bride should know.
  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto bean dipping.

    I'd avoid ANY wedding talk with them, especially the sister. This is a great scenario where if you and FI are able to completely foot the bill for the wedding, do it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Basically just comstantly saw stuff like, "oh no I'm NOT a BM." and just other snide remarks about how I should pick out ugly dresses for them since she's not one and suggesting embrodaring Disney characters in the dresses and ties. Thanks I'm defiantly going to try that. :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Maybe I could try that only around his sister. His moms paying for some stuff and she's not necessarily the problem. Also since she's pretty upset about not being a BM is there a job I could give her to feel important but out of the way?
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    "Thanks for the suggestion, FSIL; have you tried the bean dip? It's fabulous."

    If that doesn't work, your FI is the one who needs to deal with her.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting-future-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f280435e-432d-4202-8c6a-5952996f02b2Post:b04f6e2f-e932-44f5-8be7-aaf232e1c4ea">Re: Venting: Future in law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I could try that only around his sister. His moms paying for some stuff and she's not necessarily the problem. <strong>Also since she's pretty upset about not being a BM is there a job I could give her to feel important but out of the way?
    </strong>Posted by Bowlingcouple07[/QUOTE]

    No. If your FI wants her to stand up on his side, that's fine, but any "job" other than BM is kind of an insult. "You're not good enough to be a bridesmaid, but here, stand at the guestbook all night and make sure people sign it because our guests are just that stupid."
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unless she is musically talented, the only other "nice" way to include her is Reader.

    Ditto to all the previous advice people have given you.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all. This helps a lot.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_venting-future-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f280435e-432d-4202-8c6a-5952996f02b2Post:5c7577db-162c-4129-8ea8-da8a27a557e5">Re: Venting: Future in law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Thanks for the suggestion, FSIL; have you tried the bean dip? It's fabulous."<strong> If that doesn't work, your FI is the one who needs to deal with her.</strong>
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is my advice 100%. Your FI should be dealing with HIS sister, not you. If he notices her making you uncomfortable, or shes being snarky about wedding plans then he should be the one to deal with it. Chances are, if her brother approaches her about making you uncomfortable, she might stop. </div>
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