Is it ever ok to break the rule??

sandy3barbie · May 2010

I think in this situation it is okay to break the rule. You should feel happy at your wedding, and have the people you want there. I think you should talk to your husband and his friend and explain the situation. No hard feellings, its your day

warriorwoman8594 · May 2010

I think if it was me, I would think of replacing the GM. If your FI is at his wit's end then why set up a chance for a problem on "your day". Perhaps you could say something like:
" I know the birth of your first child is a huge event! i am so happy for you so we were thinking that maybe you both need some time at home together at such a blessed time. We would hate to interfere in something so big in your lives. We can find someone to step in for you, it might be a little hard but we totally understand. Besides we can all get together after all this and have our own celebration" make sure to sound sincere and smile. As far as her shower on the same date as yours. Is it possible to change yours? If so tell her " I didn't want to interfere with your shower so it was easier for me to switch mine"
Kindness causes a deeper wound to people than insults. I know it's "your Day" but stopping a problem now before your big day will be a little inconvenience compared to a bunch of tears on your wedding and bitter lasting memories.
Once she realizes she isn't going to get a rise from you hopefully she will back off and will probably find someone else to bully.

nurseshark7 · May 2010

You need to take the high road and invite her. Whether she shows or not is a different matter. Of course, it *is* totally acceptable to talk to her or your FI's best friend (if you're not comfortable approaching her) about her behaviour - you could say something like, "I know that your wife and I have had our differences, but if she does make it to the wedding I expect everyone to be respectful of each other regardless of what has happened in the past".

I once remember a comedienne saying once, "I never bad mouth my ex husband to our children. I can't wait for the day that they grow up and realize it ..all.. by..themselves." like children, your guests are probably smarter than you think.

goldilocks143 · May 2010

Personally, I would print out the stuff she's written publicly and share them with your fiance! I wouldn't want this person anywhere near me on my day. My fear would be that if she hasn't delivered yet, she would try to steal the show and fake going into labor during the wedding! I agree that she is a toxic personality! Someone brought up whether her husband (a GM) would be able to be there given the due date. This could be your opportunity to gracefully exclude him and her from the wedding party! Of course he should be with her during this time, and can't really handle the responsibilities of a GM b/c his duties as a husband supercede. Deal with the loss of a groomsman and lose the need to include her in the rehearsal and wedding altogether!

Titos#1girl · May 2010

I think that you should talk to your fiance about it. Make sure that he is aware of the situation and ask his advice as well. If he's definitely in your corner maybe you two should invite the two of them for drinks/dinner and air out everything that has happened and that might help if it doesn't ask your fiance if he's okay with uninviting her or let it be known that her behavoir will at least not be tolerated on THAT DAY.

Good Luck!!

AngelSML88 · May 2010

Unfortunately the people posting are correct you probably should invite her, I know it sucks but the chances that she will actually come are slim to none and even if she does the day is about your and your FI and you don't have to spend time with her if you don'tt want to. this is your one fre pass to say " I really should go mingle" and just move on to talking to other people.
She sounds crazy and I have to say I have the same problem but there is no way that i can get out of inviting her either...
I wish you luck in dealing with this situation...

shortee32 · May 2010

i am having the same problem right now with my wedding and unfortunetly we dont have a choice but to invite the immature people in our lives. I have to invite an aunt who i have hated since the day i was born. two years ago i had a cousin that was killed in a car accident and on the day it happened she said to me "i heard it was his fault he was going to fast." well needless to say we have had a bad relationship since. but her daugther is my matron of honor so i am totally stuck... goodluck with your wedding though and like everyone else said hopefully she has the baby the day before and she cant come but the GM steps up to being your FI's best friend and shows up for a little bit without her.

bella_mlh · May 2010

I agree...take the high road. I wouldn't even waste the time posting about it any more. She lacks tack and poise. It is unfortunate for her, but don't let it bother you. It is not worth your energy! YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED!! YEA!!

bubberly1016 · May 2010

I just read your post and all the replies. My opinion, it's your wedding, your day, if she doesn't like you, she has no business being there whether her husand's a GM or not. I don't understand why you would want someone who doesn't like you at your wedding anyway. She's just going to find some way to get the attention on herself, i.e. going into labor, and unless you can look past that, she doesn't need to be there. Again, it's your special day, and hopefully you wouldn't spend all day worrying about her, but what if you can't?

AngieAyrton · May 2010

I would talk to your fiance about it and if he's ok with it don't invite her. If she doesn't like you and she's going out of her way to make you miserable who's to say she won't try to ruin your wedding day? I wouldn't risk it.

tbaby9898 · May 2010

I would talk about the situation with the soon to be hubbi and see what he says about the situation... But rule or no rule at the end of the day its your wedding... And if she keeps up with the crazi antics I would def play keep away from her....

JessRaquel · May 2010

I don't think you have to invite her at all. It's your wedding and you make the rules no matter hwat etiquette calls for. Talk to your guy about it and tell him how uncomfortable it makes you to have her there. If he really feels strongly about inviting her then do so but if not then don't and simply tell the GM that you figured she would be overwhelmed with the arrival of the new baby so you thought it was best not to invite her.

Kimi79 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ever-ok-break-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b10e0e04-1fe4-45c0-8ac4-91aa1961cc1bPost:7c4e9b66-4b78-4438-970c-9cc9a8e8a6e2">Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??</a>:
[QUOTE]If she is not your friend or relative, there is no reason she needs to be invited to the showers and such. As far as the RD and wedding go, you do need to invite her, but since she is due on your wedding day, there is a very good chance she won't be there anyway. In which case, you took the high road and did the right thing, and she wasn't there. Sounds like a win-win to me. (Also his her H still going to be a GM with the wedding on the due date?)
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

I agree with this response 100%

andrealasack · May 2010

My FI BM's new girl friend is a crazy person too, and she has been personal rude to me and called my FI p*ssywhipped! I'm sorry but she is not attending my wedding! I don't care if she's dating the BM my wedding is small and I don't want anyone bringing my day down.

Speechie1970 · May 2010

My thought is that you probably need to invite this cukoo girl to your wedding but you should not have to invite her to any wedding related event (except may the rehearsal dinner). I think your showers and bachorlette party are personal to you and that you do not need to invite someone who obviously has issues with you to those events. Good luck!!!!

beck75203 · May 2010

Its your wedding so if you don't want her there don't invite her. This day is all about you and your fiance and it sounds like this girl might try and make it about something else. I am a big etiquette person but at the same time this is your wedding day and you want people there that support you. Good luck cause it sounds like other than maybe your wedding day, you're stuck with her.

Almost Mrs. Matthews · May 2010

I feel like if you invite her she will try to have it at your wedding. I wouldn't invite her. Pull the card. IT'S YOUR DAY my dear and you should enjoy every second of it and not dread when you will see her. Good luck!

dixiedaughter · May 2010

Invite her - she won't show up anyhow. If she's due so close to YOUR Big Day, she will either be in labor, will say that she feels like she's in labor, or will be recuperating from having her baby.

This way, you will be the ever-so-fair bride, and she will be the attention whore who was. Hopefully, your fiance will see the light soon, and these people will be out of your life - forever.

Ashley11772 · May 2010

Technically, if she's married to a groomsman, she should be invited regardless, she's not really a +1 in that situation. It is proper wedding eiquette. However, in the situation you appear to be in, I would suggest to discuss it with your fiance first. You made the mistake in telling her the day of your shower, you should have just let her find out when everyone else got an invite. How is your relationship with the groomsman? Perhaps you and your finace could have a sitdown with the 2 of them & talk it out? Lastly, you are the bride, whatever your decisions with your fiance are, they're no one else's decisions to make but you're own.

babyandrew23 · May 2010

I think you should talk to your fiance and have him speak to his best friend about the way his wife is acting. It's not fair to you to have her ruin your big day. Unfortuanteluy I think you have to still invite her but maybe with a talk she'll tone it down

laurmadd · May 2010

I agree with "gailpete" as for the shower and other wedding festivities, you do not have to invite every woman to your shower that may be invited to your wedding! A. you have to cut a limit somewhere and B. if your not even friends with her then she is just a "guest" for your GM in my book. Like everyone else said, you should invite her to the wedding because she probably will not show up!

This girl sounds like a total nutcase and maybe she is jealous of YOU! Good luck and remember that you are the bride and this is your special time. IT WAS YOURS FIRST!! LOL

[Deleted User] · May 2010

The space between your eyebrows is called a glabella.

betrothed123 · May 2010

The space between your balls and your anus is called the taint.

spr3ite · May 2010

Forget etiquette! I dont normally respond to things like this, but I feel very strongly about this situation. Forget what everyone else here is saying. If you dont want her there dont invite her, it is your day and you will hopefully only have this day once. Your fiance should understand and worstcase then his friend wont come either. I feel very strongly about this, we are having a small wedding and I am extremely adamant about who will not be invited. Eg, my oldest brother and his daughter are a total nightmare and treat me really terribly, so they are no longer invited. Why should you have to suffer because of wedding etiquette, no one says you have to follow this rule. It is your wedding, it is your day, you should be completely happy. Anyone who makes you miserable and treats you badly should be out. I really could go on about this forever, but think about it, at this point this will be the most important day of your life. Dont let this girl ruin it for you, because you know she will. Dont even tell her where, when, anything she seems like the vindictive girl who will go out of her way to upset you and its not right.

Good luck, and please dont invite her.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Or a nacho.

KelseyR88 · May 2010

I am also breaking this rule. My Fiance's Dad's Wife, who is a perpetual liar, and loves to make things all about her, will not be invited. This woman has made it a point to go around to everyone in my Fiance's family and tell lies about me and create horrendous stories to make herself look good. She has pitted many of the family members against each other and is just utterly despicable. Also, when she attended one of my Fiance's cousins weddings, she tried to take over the photography and actually kept telling their photographer to move out of the way because she felt she could do it better. She is a novice at best when it comes to photography.The bride got so upset and wound up having to yell at her to get her to knock it off.
My theory on inviting people is not based on etiquette. Instead when looking over my lists on who we should invite, we asked ourselves, "Has this person been a positive part of our lives and have they supported our relationship?" If the answer to those questions is no, then they won't be getting an invitation.

betrothed123 · May 2010

Or a gooch.

BTW, can i just say I laughed hysterically when I realized that was going to be at he top of a new page?

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I didn't invite my mom to my wedding because I didn't like the dress she picked out. I told her what she had to wear and she picked something different. The nerve!

missf1017 · May 2010

To not invite her to the wedding makes you look like the petty one. Invite her to the wedding, and hopefully she will go into labor and not show up. As for shower, other wedding related events, you do not have to invite her. I'd suggest being the bigger person and just inviting her to wedding only, and let her make the fool of herself if she chooses to keep flapping her gums about you.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ever-ok-break-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b10e0e04-1fe4-45c0-8ac4-91aa1961cc1bPost:b676f931-36c7-495a-b43e-f61afa183fe9">Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??</a>:
[QUOTE]Or a gooch. BTW, can i just say I laughed hysterically when I realized that was going to be at he top of a new page?
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Or chode.

And yes, your post being at the top of this page, makes the asinine resurrection of this thread with mind numbingly, unoriginal responses totes worth it.

Is it ever ok to break the rule??

Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??

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