Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

plover84 · April 2010

A) Most of you need to go stalk the Snarky Brides Board instead. Go where you belong.

If you want/need to do a partial cash bar, then do it. If people want to drink, they'll pay to drink. At least they'll have the option. You're not responsible for providing EVERYTHING free of charge for your guests. Many of my guests will be smokers. I will not be providing/paying for their cigarettes. Why should alcohol be different?

C) While there is some good advice (shortening your gap, if possible, is definitely advisable) on here, do what you want because it's going to be a day that celebrates your love for one another, and if you're not having a good time, neither will your guests. None of the ladies on here will be at your wedding, so forget about them and their bad attitudes.

Congratulations and good luck!

marypitlick · April 2010

Wedding traditions differ greatly depending on geographical location, economic status, and cultural heritage. Its hard to say what would be considered "rude" or "bad ettiquette" without taking all aspects into consideration.

That being said, I would not include your registry information in your invitations. If you don't want to do a wedding website, you could have your bridesmaids and groomsman spread the word. Keep in mind, EVERYONE gets gifts they neither want or need... so expect to be doing some returns or exchanges.

I would shorten the gap between the ceremony and reception. If possible, keep the gap under one hour. Perhaps having a social hour or something to entertain your guests in your absence.

I don't have a problem with the cash bar. In fact, we are having one, but we will be providing all the non-alcoholic beverages. I would include the cash bar information on your invitations, that way your guests aren't expecting an open bar. In my opinion, expecting an open bar is just as rude as expecting gifts.

Dollar dance and bouquet/garter toss, its your day... if you like the tradition, do it. However, I wouldn't have people walk through and pressure guests to participate. I'm not sure I'd do the song/table thing though. You don't want to pressure your guests into doing anything that would make them feel uncomfortable.

In the end, it's your day. Don't worry about it. You can't please everyone... so, as with any social event, if your guests don't like it... they don't have to stay. I'm going to say it one more time, THIS IS YOUR DAY!!!

Augi6 · April 2010

Well, our location has a bar there. We know that a small percentage of people are going to drink. The thing is they would drink more than ALL of the people combined if we let them. When it's their money they EASILY will blow over 2-300 a weekend. NO LIE. So, no we will not have an open bar. And if anyone tells me that me and my FI are tacky for that (bc I dont think anyone could afford our friends drinking habbits) then they can suck it. That's some southern ettiquette!

It's you wedding. Screw the rest!

Alanda1318 · April 2010

I don't think it is rude to not have an open bar. If people want to drink it is their chose open bars are expensive and everything you have already purchased has been upcharged because it's for a wedding anyways. It is your day. My fiance and I are doing a dollar dance as well because it is a more fun way to mingle with people. My cousin did it at her wedding and I didn't find it rude or like they were money hungry at all. It was fun for everyone... If people don't have money they don't actually have to pay.. it is an opportunity to get everyone to dance. Also, we are donating any money we get to a charity. If people are upset they have to pay for drinks they are the rude ones. It is a time to celebrate you and you new husband.. they can complain and boo hoo all they want about having to pay for a drink, but ultimately it is their decision to drink you aren't forcing booze down their throat. Don't worry about what other people will think. If they are being nit-picky they shouldn't be there. If people are going to complain they are high maintainence and you honestly shouldn't bother with them. They should feel lucky that you consider them close enough to enjoy this special day in your life. They don't have to accept the invite, nor do they have to drink.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:031d6a4a-2b62-41d2-b117-25283c220d22">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with everyone! I have never heard of a wedding without a garter toss or a bouquet toss!
Posted by treenastaats[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should come to my wedding, because we're not doing either. And I've seen a garter toss done maybe twice. Bouquet tosses are definitely the more popular of the two.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

Yeah Stage- better hurry and do a do-over with the tosses to make an honest woman outta you!

Norms Angel · April 2010

You already have enough advice about the registry info and i think you've gotten the best idea for that with the website,
the dollar dance (unless it's traditional in your culture which it is in some) i suggest doing something fun like quirky things to keep your marriage exciting. the garter toss is a fun peice, and the electric slide is fun if your guests are dancers.
as for the open bar, i don't think i've ever been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar, and i know that everyone frowns on this and i understand the concept but many people do them and if that is what is common then your guests likely will assume it will be a cash bar.
What you could do with the tables (which is what we're doing as well) is name all the tables with songs that you know mean something to those sitting at the table, so when the DJ plays the song those sitting at that table will likely get up and dance anyway, that way (especially if you have shy family members) you aren't centering anyone out but if they'd like to dance they can.
for the 3 hr gap, which does sound like a huge time frame, although if that's what it is, that's what it is going to be, have someone at your reception site doing dance lessons, or something like that to entertain them.
and all in all it's going to be your day, it will be perfect, you will look back and smile because it was your wedding day. and ABOVE ALL ENJOY YOURSELF!!! don't stress yourself out

vsgal · April 2010

seriously. treat people the way you would like to be treated. i never get involved in the arguments around here.... but the girl needed some help, she had an idea that things didnt seem right, so instead of doing them she asked for help.

So if you go back and actually her OP, she is not asking if these things should be done. She is stating that she is doing them. She doesn't want help, she wants validation for her pretty princess day. The reason these boards work is because the people on here will give a poster the absolute, rock-bottom, unsugary, real world advice that her friends, family, and the wedding industry will not say to her face.

Asking for and expecting gifts is rude. You would not send out birthday party invites to you friends and expect them to bring a gift.

Asking for money during your wedding reception is rude. Would you put a guy at the door to sell tickets to get into the wedding? Same thing.

Having a cash bar can be seen as rude. The whole point of a reception(which isn't even needed) is to thank your guests for taking time out of their lives and supporting your new one. Would you host a dinner party for your friends and them make them pay you for the booze? No! You would serve what you could afford. A wedding reception is not a high school or college kegger where everybody chips in.

AshleyNC2010 · April 2010

lol I'm not doing the tossing either!!! I frankly do not like having everyone watching me do things... the fact that I'm gettimg married with more then like 20 ppl is nerve racking enough with out making a fool of myself on top of it!!!! I've had a couple people beg me to re consider but heck no....

christinelyn0131 · April 2010

I don't think the insert of the registery is rude. I think it's inconvenient when people DON'T put that. Then I have to ask/look it up online. Too much trouble. They get a toaster.

IDK about the keg, but you don't HAVE to offer anything. We sure aren't.

Who cares about a 3 hour gap? I think it's okay. And hey, if it's all you can do, it's all you can do.

Also, ITS YOUR WEDDING. If you like the electric slide, then do it! Have fun!

I like the table-song thing. I would do it too, but am not.

HTH, good luck, don't let meaniepants posters get you down

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:cf2765f2-0405-480c-b94f-45f570c553d0">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't think the insert of the registery is rude.</strong> I think it's inconvenient when people DON'T put that. Then I have to ask/look it up online. Too much trouble. They get a toaster. IDK about the keg, but you don't HAVE to offer anything. We sure aren't. Who cares about a 3 hour gap? I think it's okay. And hey, if it's all you can do, it's all you can do. Also, ITS YOUR WEDDING. If you like the electric slide, then do it! Have fun! I like the table-song thing. I would do it too, but am not. HTH, good luck, don't let meaniepants posters get you down :)
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is! Because a wedding is not about getting gifts, it is about celebrating with the people you love and care about. If it were about gifts, then why not just cancel the whole shindig and spend that money on stuff you want for your home and 'new life together'.

trinalo · April 2010

As far as including registry info on the invite- I've never received a wedding invitation that DIDN'T include registry info. Maybe it's a regional thing, but I thought that's how it was supposed to be.

And cash bars... again, I'm used to attending weddings where there are certain things that are open- keg beer and wine, usually. Then there's a cash bar for anyone who wants something else, like mixed drinks.

That's my two cents, anyway.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:f547a35e-e752-4422-b29f-2196041f0cd7">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as including registry info on the invite- I've never received a wedding invitation that DIDN'T include registry info. <strong>Maybe it's a regional thing</strong>, but I thought that's how it was supposed to be. And cash bars... again, I'm used to attending weddings where there are certain things that are open- keg beer and wine, usually. Then there's a cash bar for anyone who wants something else, like mixed drinks. That's my two cents, anyway.
Posted by trinalo[/QUOTE]

No, I think its a class thing. Whereas apparently those people have none.

trinalo · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:658c77d4-3fe9-4790-ae39-2bacc8b07c0a">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha : No, I think its a class thing. Whereas apparently those people have none.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Sigh. See, and I disagree. These people have been my freinds, and I'm glad they include the registry info. I never felt solicited.

I just think it's ridiculous that people here seem so fond of going off on others who choose to do this. It's not the end of the goddamn world. It's a wedding registry. Most couples have them and their guests probably know they'll have at least one, so who really give a sh*t how they decide to inform <em>their family and friends who love them</em> where their registries are.

trix1223 · April 2010

How many of you check the post count on replies that say "Do what you want. It's YOUR day!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

::raises hand::

KnaijaQueen · April 2010

I agree with previous posters who have said that there are regional and cultural aspects involved.

After all, if I were Chinese getting married in the U.S., am I not suppose to do things in the manner that my CHINESE guests would expect me to do as a matter of tradition. If I were Indian and got married in a white dress, many guests would be shocked as Indian brides don't wear white dresses as a matter of TRADITION.

So if we want to talk about etiquette as a matter of tradition, we need to realize what type of guests we're inviting and be accomodating to them. In my culture, it's very common to do ALL of the things the OP has suggested and that doesn't mean that the B & G nor the guests don't have etiquette or don't follow any societal norms. They just follow the societal norms for THEIR culture.

Having said that, DO WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR DAY AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU'LL STILL BE MARRIED.

jenn.daniel · April 2010

Hand is raised.

Joellee84 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:7a455b79-d612-421a-be1c-a628f4005fa2">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with previous posters who have said that there are regional and cultural aspects involved. After all, if I were Chinese getting married in the U.S., am I not suppose to do things in the manner that my CHINESE guests would expect me to do as a matter of tradition. If I were Indian and got married in a white dress, many guests would be shocked as Indian brides don't wear white dresses as a matter of TRADITION. So if we want to talk about etiquette as a matter of tradition, we need to realize what type of guests we're inviting and be accomodating to them. In my culture, it's very common to do ALL of the things the OP has suggested and that doesn't mean that the B & G nor the guests don't have etiquette or don't follow any societal norms. They just follow the societal norms for THEIR culture. Having said that, DO WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR DAY AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU'LL STILL BE MARRIED.
Posted by KnaijaQueen[/QUOTE]

Nice! Love this

Jessie888 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:bfeebbb6-d82c-4433-adfb-229d9643c533">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]seriously. treat people the way you would like to be treated. i never get involved in the arguments around here.... but the girl needed some help, she had an idea that things didnt seem right, so instead of doing them she asked for help. So if you go back and actually her OP, she is not asking if these things should be done. She is stating that she is doing them. She doesn't want help, she wants validation for her pretty princess day. The reason these boards work is because the people on here will give a poster the absolute, rock-bottom, unsugary, real world advice that her friends, family, and the wedding industry will not say to her face. Asking for and expecting gifts is rude. You would not send out birthday party invites to you friends and expect them to bring a gift. Asking for money during your wedding reception is rude. Would you put a guy at the door to sell tickets to get into the wedding? Same thing. Having a cash bar can be seen as rude. The whole point of a reception(which isn't even needed) is to thank your guests for taking time out of their lives and supporting your new one. Would you host a dinner party for your friends and them make them pay you for the booze? No! You would serve what you could afford. A wedding reception is not a high school or college kegger where everybody chips in.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I completely agree with everything you said about each of her situations. But you could have just said what you said to me, you didnt have to have a nasty remark towards her.

</div>

Kristin&eric · April 2010

I say do what you want. its your wedding, your day, and who really care what ettiquet says. If thats what you can afford then do it. I like the table dancing idea, its cute!!! If your guest are young then I am sure they dont care that you put the registry on the invites

Kristin&eric · April 2010

Oh yea i jsut went to my friends wedding and she had beer and wine only but if you wanted mixed drinks you could pay for it. Everyone was happy, and we still had a wasted bridesmaid. I love the toss'. I dont like the electric slide, my friend that had her wedding had it and everyone was doing it. I like the cupid love shuffle. the time frame is a little long, could you have a beer bar open for the guest at that time? I think you are doing great and i got ahlfway through reading the first page and well it didnt seem nice, you already said not to attack you. goodluck

Jessie888 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:2ea5ab66-2253-417b-8f14-10bc10edde12">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]I say do what you want. its your wedding, your day, and who really care what ettiquet says. If thats what you can afford then do it. I like the table dancing idea, its cute!!! If your guest are young then I am sure they dont care that you put the registry on the invites
Posted by Kristin&eric[/QUOTE]

<div>now see this is the problem..... just because she is young doesnt mean that she can just put whatever she wants on her invite. I am 22 (23 when i get married) and I am not throwing away etiquette. Etiquette is not just for weddings, its generalized rules that people follow for certain events. You dont have to follow them exactly, but a wedding is a formal event... whether its a backyard or the most expensive wedding venue. And putting your registry on the invites is inappropriate. Word of mouth, wedding website, insert in the shower invites... whatever.. is the way to get your registry out there. </div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#800000">In all honesty, who cares about the freaking registry! Youre getting married, isnt that the point? Why are we so worried how we let people know about the registry?</font></div>

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Jmplasket. I like you and your pretty sig picture

You are one smart, classy lady, so stick aorund would ya?

donjoe2448 · April 2010

I have been to a few weddings where the beer was free but mixed drinks you paid for, and I had no problem with that! I have also been to a wedding where the only option was beer or soda and juice.... no even the option of buying mixed drinks and I did not like that! I am NOT a beer drinker and if I have to pay for a few mixed drinks, then so be it!

Lasairiona · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:3453dd79-e0c3-4a1b-9499-62b2b1462730">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to a few weddings where the beer was free but mixed drinks you paid for, and I had no problem with that! I have also been to a wedding where the only option was beer or soda and juice.... no even the option of buying mixed drinks and I did not like that! I am NOT a beer drinker and if I have to pay for a few mixed drinks, then so be it!
Posted by donjoe2448[/QUOTE]
The point that most are trying to get across, but instead goes in one ear and out the other, is that a guest should <strong>NEVER</strong> be asked to open their wallets for <strong>ANY</strong> reason at the reception. If the hosts (the bride and groom in the case of a wedding) cannot afford something, they <strong>don't</strong> offer it, period. They don't charge extra, which several people are trying to say is perfectly ok and that no one will be offended. The fact of the matter is that a classy person knows better than to say a word about someone being rude at the event or to the hosts. So no, most guests and the couple would never know that someone feels they are being rude by charging guests for anything. But this has been said till some folks are blue in the face and it's like talking to a brick wall because these folks will do what they want anyway and don't care what others think since they really do not see any issue with being rude and offensive toward their guests.

Sarah&Nick0530 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:cd9b98c4-963f-4bd5-bbad-3ef939f9c2ce">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha : now see this is the problem..... just because she is young doesnt mean that she can just put whatever she wants on her invite. I am 22 (23 when i get married) and I am not throwing away etiquette. Etiquette is not just for weddings, its generalized rules that people follow for certain events. You dont have to follow them exactly, but a wedding is a formal event... whether its a backyard or the most expensive wedding venue. And putting your registry on the invites is inappropriate. Word of mouth, wedding website, insert in the shower invites... whatever.. is the way to get your registry out there. In all honesty, who cares about the freaking registry! Youre getting married, isnt that the point? Why are we so worried how we let people know about the registry?
Posted by jmplasket[/QUOTE]

<strong>This!</strong> This this this! :D

Lasairiona · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:cd9b98c4-963f-4bd5-bbad-3ef939f9c2ce">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha : now see this is the problem..... just because she is young doesnt mean that she can just put whatever she wants on her invite. I am 22 (23 when i get married) and I am not throwing away etiquette. Etiquette is not just for weddings, its generalized rules that people follow for certain events. You dont have to follow them exactly, but a wedding is a formal event... whether its a backyard or the most expensive wedding venue. And putting your registry on the invites is inappropriate. Word of mouth, wedding website, insert in the shower invites... whatever.. is the way to get your registry out there. In all honesty, who cares about the freaking registry! Youre getting married, isnt that the point? Why are we so worried how we let people know about the registry?
Posted by jmplasket[/QUOTE]
Well said!

mjvarbel · April 2010

Well I am sorry to insult your sensibilities. But the fact of the matter is that it looks like more people will be attending than I even thought would be able to make it. It's a small Vegas chapel wedding. Close family and friends only. Since FH and I will be paying for our wedding I think that pretty much gives us the right to do what we choose. I am not asking for people to be bridesmaids or groomsmen so no one will be required to spend extra money on buying a dress or renting a suit for my wedding. So I guess they will have the extra money to pay for a meal on their own.

Also for those who cant afford to make the trip they get the option of watching it on the Internet. I am sure many people are probably horrified by the tackiness of having a wedding broadcasted live too. But ah well to each their own. I would love to be able to throw a big reception complete with food and drink..and a great big cake but It is more important to me to have a nice little ceramony where I get to take a few cute pics with my FH...our family and close friends....without spending money we don't have. So while it is a destination wedding I like to look at it more as an elopement with guests.

khornack · April 2010

Just because something is acceptable does not mean it is good etiquette. While traditions may vary and leave certain aspects of etiquette open to some interpretation, such as dollar dances, traditions do not change the fundamental idea of how to be a good host anymore that modifying a verb with an adjective is good grammar.

Goldlie11 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:68a73456-14fb-4991-9698-8bb0383ca8c9">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I am sorry to insult your sensibilities. But the fact of the matter is that it looks like more people will be attending than I even thought would be able to make it. It's a small Vegas chapel wedding. Close family and friends only. <strong>Since FH and I will be paying for our wedding I think that pretty much gives us the right to do what we choose. </strong>I am not asking for people to be bridesmaids or groomsmen so no one will be required to spend extra money on buying a dress or renting a suit for my wedding. So I guess they will have the extra money to pay for a meal on their own. Also for those who cant afford to make the trip they get the option of watching it on the Internet. I am sure many people are probably horrified by the tackiness of having a wedding broadcasted live too. But ah well to each their own. I would love to be able to throw a big reception complete with food and drink..and a great big cake but It is more important to me to have a nice little ceramony where I get to take a few cute pics with my FH...our family and close friends....without spending money we don't have. So while it is a destination wedding I like to look at it more as an elopement with guests.
Posted by mjvarbel[/QUOTE]
No, paying for your wedding is not an excuse to be rude. If you are having a destination wedding, your guests are already paying for hotel, airfare, possible car rental, and meals (except the reception). So, you're telling me that you can't even provide one meal to your "close family and friends" in the form of a reception? That's really messed up. If you honestly couldn't afford to host anything, then you and your FI should have kept your mouth shut and truly eloped. <div>
</div><div>Since you only have 2 posts but joined a while ago, I'm going to say that there is a good chance this was made up to make the OP look good. I refuse to believe anyone thinks that your idea is okay and could truly be that rude to "close friends and family".</div>

Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

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