CN: We had originally planned to invite my grandmothers caretaker to the wedding, my aunt called and asked me not to invite her because finding care for my grandmother would be stressful or her.
My grandmother needs full time care, and her neighbor has been her caretaker for about 4 years now. I visit regularly so I see her regularly, and like her, and she's been great to my grandmother. She is actually the person my FI gave his number to to give to me at the hospital where we met (his mom/my gram were roommates and we visited at the same time).
There are other people involved in my grandmother's care, but my aunt and this other person are the two people who can handle all that is involved in caring for gram.
My aunt called me and asked me to not invite my grandmother's caretaker because she "would certainly come" and then she'd stress about it for the next 3 months until the wedding. I said why can't XX sit with gram during this time. Her response was sometimes she's flaky, and also that they (aunt/caretaker) shouldn't both be "out of town" at the same time (wedding is 20 min away). She said she's spend the whole time stressing if I invited her and "isn't she more important to me".
I understand where my aunt is coming from, but I also feel like this put me in a difficult/uncomfortable position. I don't think I sent her (caretaker) a save the date (I may have included her on gram's when I thought gram might be able to make it), but I'm sure at some point we've talked about the wedding. My aunt insists she doesn't even think the caretaker expects to be invited.
So, do I not invite her and not say anything (which feels weird to me)? Do I mention to her that we really would have loved to have her at the wedding but that my aunt was worried about grandma's care for the day? I'm not really sure what to do here, and my parents didn't have a strong opinion/advice on the issue. Thoughts?