Second Weddings

guilty and feeling judged

I'm still struggling with the 'failure' crap after my divorce. It's been a few years but I just announced my engagement with my Fiance and now I feel intermittantly guilty. I worry my extended family is judging me (or his family is!) I know you guys can relate and am just hoping for some acceptance.

Re: guilty and feeling judged

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    Step 1) Read the It's Normal post above. 

    Step 2) Shed the sackcloth & ashes, and plan a wonderful, joyful celebration of finding new love. 

    Welcome!  Ad we DO get it. ~Donna
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    Yup - been here too. It's tough to balance the joy you feel over your engagement with the guilt of a failed marriage. I try not to dwel on it, even when my family isn't excited or even talking to me about the wedding (FI's family is excited, so that helps).

    I was at a cousin's wedding this past summer where a lot of my extended family met FI for the first time. One aunt asked me if he was the same man I brought to her anniversary party or not, because he didn't look the same. (It wasn't, but I felt like a tramp. Her party was three years ago, btw) I've had three serious relationships in my life, this is the third.

    So I do wonder what will be said when the invites go out, but I also know that it doesn't matter to me either (I'd be curious, but not terribly hurt. I've moved beyond all that.) I'm not the first in my family to be remarried, and I know that I won't be the last.

    I will focus on having the wedding that WE want, not the one that everyone else expects (especially m unsupportive family), and enjoying this adventure of becoming a new family. We just bought a house and are doing renovations and we go back to work next week (we're teachers), so the wedding is something to look forward to, but won't be all-encompassing.

    No, you're not alone. We're all in this together!

    Congratulations on your engagement. Enjoy every minute.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Congratulations!!!  Ditto what Donna said... 

    If you allow family to judge you they will - if you are happy and up beat about your up coming wedding and are frank with them about it being a celebration of your love and committment to one another they will keep their negative comments to themselves... and who cares if they talk behind your back you won't hear it.
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    Thanks. Reading the It's Normal post was the first time I felt like anyone around can relate to what I'm feeling. It's so refreshing. I don't want to dwell on these feelings but I want to honor them and focus on the fact that if I hadn't gone through the first marriage I wouldn't be the woman I am. And I LOVE the woman I am and the woman I'm becoming and the man I'm marrying loves this me. He has his own head shaking past romantic tangles but I couldn't have this him without that past. *breathe* It's nice to find a board with women/people who can relate. Most of my friends aren't even married, much less on marriage #2 (early 30s career types). 
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    The "It's Normal" post is something every second bride should read. We all have our own "shameful pasts"..............when I married my hubby a year ago yesterday, it was his THIRD marriage. It was my first, but I had two kids without having been married before, so that was MY "shame". I'm using quote marks, because I never considered anything about my hubby's prior 2 marriages, or my out-of-wedlock kids as shameful. It's a different world, and no one can make you feel bad unless you let them.

    There are many understanding and wise women on this site.

    Good luck
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