+1 question/what are you doing

MMRoberts11 · December 2011

Just about everyone who will be at the wedding will know most of the people there. The only people who won't would be my lab but they will all be sitting together. The only people who will get +1s is if they are in a relationship and over 18 (ie my cousin's flavor of the month won't be invited since she's 15). So really everyone that's not family children or a kid of a guest will get a +1.

chelseakopperud · December 2011

I dont know what we are doing for plus ones. I am 99% sure everyone who is not engaged or married but has an SO we know so they are already on the guest list. We will not be giving +1's to people who are not in a relationship, unless we think they will be uncomfortable if they do not have a plus one. I dont think it will be an issue though since everyone on our guest list pretty much knows each other. Gotta love small towns! I am going to have to take a closer look at my guest list now!

Question: My 14 year old cousin has a boyfriend..... do I need to invite him!?! That seems crazy to me... but I dont want to offend anyone.

ETA: Zims I think your outlook is pretty rude. How would you have felt before you got engaged if Andrew was invited to a wedding but you were not included only because you were not engaged and you are young.

midgetthemighty · December 2011

Chelsea, I would just invite him. One more person isn't going to hurt. I've also asked her that question before and she answered that she wouldn't be offended. I don't understand how, but that's what she said previously. Maybe she's changed her mind now.

MMRoberts11 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:13e2e5a3-27b4-4c4c-b785-cf3189ee2576">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]Question: My 14 year old cousin has a boyfriend..... do I need to invite him!?! That seems crazy to me... but I dont want to offend anyone. Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

IMO I wouldn't but if you can afford an extra person and have the room you always could to play it safe.

daria24 · December 2011

In my case my sister is 19 (and yes, I know some of the other ladies on this board are that age and getting married...my sister is decidely not in that frame of mind) and she specifically asked if she could bring a friend rather than whatever "flavor of the month" she has at that time. I'm not joking. She is currently "working" on dumping the December flavor and she's got the next two lined up already!

Will she eventually stop tasting the rainbow? Of course. And I am happy that she wants to bring her friend rather than boyfriend #34340543574935.

Zimsgirl · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:13e2e5a3-27b4-4c4c-b785-cf3189ee2576">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know what we are doing for plus ones. I am 99% sure everyone who is not engaged or married but has an SO we know so they are already on the guest list. We will not be giving +1's to people who are not in a relationship, unless we think they will be uncomfortable if they do not have a plus one. I dont think it will be an issue though since everyone on our guest list pretty much knows each other. Gotta love small towns! I am going to have to take a closer look at my guest list now! Question: My 14 year old cousin has a boyfriend..... do I need to invite him!?! That seems crazy to me... but I dont want to offend anyone. ETA: Zims I think your outlook is pretty rude. How would you have felt before you got engaged if Andrew was invited to a wedding but you were not included only because you were not engaged and you are young.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]<div>If they didn't want to invite me that's fine. It's their wedding and I don't have control over it. Honestly you guys aren't changing my mind. We're doing this for plus ones and not having children beside RB and FG. Our families both understand and agree with it. We're paying anyways. People have told us they're really excited for our wedding and the single guests are our age and know a bunch of others at the wedding so they won't be uncomfortable

</div>

Megbo2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:b48a4543-f0d5-43fc-92fc-0be190ac6450">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : If they didn't want to invite me that's fine. It's their wedding and I don't have control over it. Honestly you guys aren't changing my mind. We're doing this for plus ones and not having children beside RB and FG. Our families both understand and agree with it. We're paying anyways. People have told us they're really excited for our wedding and the single guests are our age and know a bunch of others at the wedding so they won't be uncomfortable
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>None of these address the issue of the POSSIBILITY that someone may get a SO within the next six months, and unless you are omniscient then you CANNOT know and thus you should allocate some room in the budget. You are being ridiculous, honestly. No one is telling you you need a +1 for every single guest, they are telling you that anyone who has a SO should. End of story. </div>

chelseakopperud · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:106e5804-7d83-4b3d-8371-7a50c3987ba0">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]Chelsea, I would just invite him. One more person isn't going to hurt. I've also asked her that question before and she answered that she wouldn't be offended. I don't understand how, but that's what she said previously. Maybe she's changed her mind now.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

How do I address the invite??

Jerome and Shannon LastName
Alexander, Hannah, Jack and Josh LastName
Address
City, State, Zip

I have no idea.......

Zimsgirl · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:5526dff6-7efe-4894-8f41-0bc9581caee4">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : None of these address the issue of the POSSIBILITY that someone may get a SO within the next six months, and unless you are omniscient then you CANNOT know and thus you should allocate some room in the budget. You are being ridiculous, honestly. No one is telling you you need a +1 for every single guest, they are telling you that anyone who has a SO should. End of story.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
We do have room in the budget but we're keeping it just engaged and married. End of story

Megbo2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:729b9f25-c8c1-4e9e-ab3f-bcf323bb3b2d">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : We do have room in the budget but we're keeping it just engaged and married. End of story
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>Well then that's just really sad.</div>

Zimsgirl · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:1ce188d2-94ae-40ad-9baf-e901f3a3ec59">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : Well then that's just really sad.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
And that's just your opinion

Megbo2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:594ea90b-3a59-4061-96c7-d1c124fb744f">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : And that's just your opinion
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha clearly it's not just my opinion. And etiquette isn't opinion. </div>

mkgins · December 2011

I think this is more a question of local tradition (until you get to a certain age, when EVERYONE seems to be married, then it's hard to invite folks without a guest). You might get a more standard response from a local board. I'm in the NYC area. I have been invited to loads of weddings. For weddings in the NYC area, I dont remember ever being invited with a guest. Guests were always restricted to fiances or long term relationships (over a year). And then at the weddings there were always tons of singles. It was never really an issue-- or maybe it was just an understanding. For weddings in the midwest, I have almost always been invited with a guest (whether or not I was dating someone at the time). It is only since I have been engaged, that I have been invited to weddings in the NYC area with a guest. At my upcoming wedding, there will just be a handful of singles, all over the age of 40 (as I am). We will be inviting all of them with a guest. At this point, most of my friends would resent having to go to a wedding solo. It's just plain depressing to have no one to dance with when almost everyone is coupled off.

chelseakopperud · December 2011

Zims- I think it's strange that you get so upset when people mention your age in association with the legitamacy of your engagement, and now you are clearly judging people's relationships. Very strange to me....

Zimsgirl · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:97f9f913-b027-4e5b-bfed-4dec23afd9cd">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]Zims- I think it's strange that you get so upset when people mention your age in association with the legitamacy of your engagement, and now you are clearly judging people's relationships. Very strange to me....
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]
Honestly though if you knew the single people at my wedding (which there aren't many) you'd know they're fine and some will prefer to go alone. Most are friends of mine and have said they don't want to bring a date

chelseakopperud · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:6484cb88-a118-4d2d-8c85-08b904fe676d">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : Honestly though if you knew the single people at my wedding (which there aren't many) you'd know they're fine and some will prefer to go alone. Most are friends of mine and have said they don't want to bring a date
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

I totally see where you are coming from. My single friends have said the SAME thing to me. However, relationship status can change quickly and if they are in a serious relationship they will want to bring their SO with. I think what OPs are saying is that you shouldn't close the door to adding a plus one until you are ready to send out the invites.

Zimsgirl · December 2011

I just looked at my guest list there are 10 single people:

4 are my siblings and in the WP. 3 have said they don't want a plus one. My older sister seems to think she will bring 2 girlfriends but no way in hell that's happening. Another friend wants to be single for a while and told me she did not want a plus one. Her "kind of" boyfriend is a friend of ours and he will be an usher anyways. Another guest is my sister's ex-boyfriend who we all are still close to except obviously my sister. He has already told me he will not feel comfortable coming and being around my sister and will send a gift. We wanted to extend an invitation because he is still a good friend. Another girl is a good friend of my sister's and said she just wants to go and hang with my sister and brother. The other 3 guys do not have SO's and one is the best man.

midgetthemighty · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_1-questionwhat-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:362065d6-66ea-436a-aaf2-786ef5acee29Post:332ecfae-2529-4839-96c3-ed28522f8b92">Re: +1 question/what are you doing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: +1 question/what are you doing : I totally see where you are coming from. My single friends have said the SAME thing to me. However, relationship status can change quickly and if they are in a serious relationship they will want to bring their SO with. I think what OPs are saying is that you shouldn't close the door to adding a plus one until you are ready to send out the invites.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

<div>This exactly. That's all we're saying. My truly single guests aren't getting plus ones either. However, if they get in a relationship before hand they will be invited with one. That is all we're saying. It's rude to do otherwise. If your list of singles stays the same way you decribed then your plan will be fine. </div><div>
</div><div>I know from experience how much not being invited hurts. I also know what people say about the people who did the guest list. I don't want that for anyone. </div>

Teep · December 2011

We're giving everyone a plus one. I would hate to go to a wedding alone.

ash273uk · December 2011

I'm giving a plus 1 to everyone except for the separated couple I discussed in a previous thread, and those who have been widowed.

I was single for a very long time before meeting FI, and during that time I was invited to lots and lots of weddings. I was always given the option to bring a guest. Most of the time, I knew enough people there that I did not find it necessary to bring a guest. However, there was one wedding in particular in which I was not offered the option to bring a guest and to be honest, I was a little offended. I hardly knew anyone at the wedding and I did not have very much fun at the wedding.

I took FI to a wedding 2 weeks after we met. It wasn't serious at the time, but we're engaged now....

jaime10285 · December 2011

If my MOH only invited engaged couples to her wedding FI wouldn't have been invited. . We got engaged less than a month before the wedding. We also were dating a year and a half longer than MOH and her husband. I would have been pissed. Just because he hadn't given me a ring yet didn't mean we weren't serious! We'd been together over 6 years when they got married. It's not up to others to decide what's serious and what's not.

sweetcanadian1979 · December 2011

Ladies you should know by now some people are very stubborn & think they know everything. Etiquette & hurt feelings be damned. You will not change their mind because they just don't care about anyone other than themselves. There is no point in arguing about it, it gets you no where with some, because as i stated they just don't care. Their way or no way.

Back to the topic at hand. I am inviting pretty much everyone with a guest, i would not be comfortable going to a wedding by myself whether i knew a bunch of people or not, i would feel like an outsider, other people can't keep me company all night but my SO can & has.

I have included the possibility for +1's in my count. It has made me scale back my guest list but honestly when i look at the list now there is not much i would change even though i took 100 off, i honestly can't remember who they all are even. I did scale back children if i do not know them & privately asked my friends if they minded or not, most like the night out & have enough notice that they do not care, if someone really cares then i will extend it, but i have some that have 5 children whom i have never met & that is an awful lot when it adds up over 40 extra children who take the place of another friend or family member. I do not mind cutting children as much as i would mind cutting spouses or boyfriends. Who am i to judge how long they have been together, even if someone asked me a week before to invite a new bf/gf i would let them.

midgetthemighty · December 2011

Bonnie, this is one topic I just can't do that with. Been hurt too many times by it. I completely agree with ya about stubborness though. I just have a glimmer of hope left out there.

jeberes08 · December 2011

I have a huge family, and the unwritten family 'guideline' is that anyone who is graduated from high school is allowed a guest. That's how it's always been, so we've decided to go along with it.

tgerl · December 2011

We are also allowing all singles to bring a guest. I can understand why some have to limit this due to space issues - although I do wonder if some people will just assume they can bring a guest. Seems like it can be tricky so I'm glad we have enough capacity for the +1's.

+1 question/what are you doing

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