WR Question

barbie92 · May 2011

So I went to a graduation party today and I got three hugs from different people.

I have fibromyalgia...which basically means I hurt all the time and it is even worse when people touch me. Most days my FI can't even touch me. On top of that I have rheumatoid arthritis. So back to the graduation thing...the three hugs I got really shot my pain up...a lot.

Now to my question..how can I manage to not get 50-60 hugs on my wedding day? My mom and FI had the bright idea to just put it in the program...yeah not liking that idea. So I told them I would ask you

So..thoughts?Opinions?Suggestions?

mob2689 · May 2011

Omit the receiving line?

I hope the pain subsides

I know a few ppl with RA and know sorta what you are talking about when ppl touch you.

bmoruzzi · May 2011

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I think the program would probably be the best way to let people know.

mkrupar · May 2011

Ditto PPs, no receiving line. And try grasping someones hand if they try to hug you. I have a friend with fibromyalgia that was diagnosed after her daughter was born. I remember her wedding day and because a lot of the people there knew her and her condition they either shook her hand or maybe just placed a hand on her shoulder. She seemed to do ok throughout the day.

crfische · May 2011

Just say "BACK OFF BITCHES, I'VE GOT FM, AND IF YOU HUG ME, YOULL MAKE ME MISERABLE!!"

I think that will do? Maybe?

ggirl2001 · May 2011

I like fishy's idea.

But seriously, are there a lot of people who know about it already? Because that might make it easier.

Also, ditto everyone else. Don't do the receiving lines, go table to table during dinner, people might not get up to hug you then.

kellyjellybelly · May 2011

Just hire Fishy to be your bodyguard.

mkrupar · May 2011

You should totally have the officiate an announcment before the ceremony starts. "Please to be not touching the bride. It causes her pain."

Then your DJ could make an announcement REMINDING everyone not to hug you. It'll be great.

(That was all written in sarcasm font)

I hope things get better for your Barbie. You're such a sweetie!

kellyjellybelly · May 2011

but for reals, I don't think I hugged many people at my wedding? But maybe I did and I just didn't notice. I don't know how to go about that...

crfische · May 2011

I can be your bodyguard, you can be my loooonnnnggg loooosssttt ppaaaallll.

musicalsunlight · May 2011

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that Barbie,

I agree with PPs about trying to do a firm handshake or something if people try to go for a hug.

barbie92 · May 2011

Thanks everyone! We didn't plan on doing a receiving line so hopefully that will help.
Not many people know...it is still all pretty new and embarassing to me.

My FI has threatened to have a friend stich on my veil "Do not touch the bride"

barbie92 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wr-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea0c7301-c7a9-4dfa-b996-d7414b2e558aPost:358bc2ad-88ca-489a-9898-514ea946d846">Re: WR Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You should totally have the officiate an announcment before the ceremony starts. "Please to be not touching the bride. It causes her pain." Then your DJ could make an announcement REMINDING everyone not to hug you. It'll be great. (That was all written in sarcasm font) I hope things get better for your Barbie. You're such a sweetie!
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]
My dad is the officiate so I am <em>slightly </em>worried about that actually happening...hahah

becunning2 · May 2011

You could do the European thing and do the kiss on the cheek instead. I think the handshake might come across as overly formal, even snobbishly distant if people don't understand that you have fibromyalgia (how awful, btw!). People WILL want to hug you on your wedding day, so you're right to anticipate this ahead of time.

Not everyone will read the wedding program. So I think a short announcement before the ceremony, perhaps by your officiant or parent, or someone close will eliminate some of the possible hurt feelings from a rebuffed hug, limit your explanations, and prevent you hurting too much on your wedding day.

A short announcement does not have to specify which medical condition you have, especially if you're a private person. It could go something like:

"We're so pleased you're all here today, and Barbie 92 and her FI and happy to be sharing their wedding with you. I did want to take a moment to inform you, however, that the bride has a medical condition where hugs can be painful. She's happy to take handshakes, kisses on the cheeks, and other well wishes. We'll be starting here in another few minutes--and believe me, the bride looks radiant!"

...or something like that...

Or maybe nothing like that... I've had a couple o' beers after all.

mkrupar · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wr-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea0c7301-c7a9-4dfa-b996-d7414b2e558aPost:6745b8d3-8eb9-42d6-85bf-2db577b4b5d5">Re: WR Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You could do the European thing and do the kiss on the cheek instead. I think the handshake might come across as overly formal, even snobbishly distant if people don't understand that you have fibromyalgia (how awful, btw!). People WILL want to hug you on your wedding day, so you're right to anticipate this ahead of time. Not everyone will read the wedding program. So I think a short announcement before the ceremony, perhaps by your officiant or parent, or someone close will eliminate some of the possible hurt feelings from a rebuffed hug, limit your explanations, and prevent you hurting too much on your wedding day. A short announcement does not have to specify which medical condition you have, especially if you're a private person. It could go something like: "We're so pleased you're all here today, and Barbie 92 and her FI and happy to be sharing their wedding with you. I did want to take a moment to inform you, however, that the bride has a medical condition where hugs can be painful. She's happy to take handshakes, kisses on the cheeks, and other well wishes. We'll be starting here in another few minutes--and believe me, the bride looks radiant!" ...or something like that... Or maybe nothing like that... I've had a couple o' beers after all.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]

KUI is hard. I get where you're going with this, but it could come off really bad.

barbie92 · May 2011

MK- Yeah that is what I figured...this way I can tell my family that you guys think that it is a horrible idea

They know you ladies are always right!

ootmother2 · May 2011

nosy question, barbie.

Are you taking Lyrica for the FM?

barbie92 · May 2011

OOT- I tried it and it gave me a period...all the time(even on the pill) and it made me feel like I was drunk all day long! I was in lala land and it really didn't help much with the pain.

HockeyFan4 · May 2011

maybe you could have family spread the word before the wedding by word of mouth...

kellyjellybelly · May 2011

And Barbie, you have absolutely no reason to be embarassed.

ootmother2 · May 2011

okay, I couldn't tolerate it either but the pain management doctor said to give it a try.

I'm taking something else until my hip has healed

tenofcups4me · May 2011

I'd see if your family and FI's family along with close friends can start to "casually" spread the word. I don't really know what else you could do. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

I've got "suspected" fibromyalgia and for various reasons, I won't let the doctor pursue that diagnosis right now, but I understand what it's like to be in constant pain, although my pain is nowhere near your level. I've heard lyrica mostly sucks and not that many people have a good experience with it.

barbie92 · May 2011

OOT- What happened to your hip?

barbie92 · May 2011

I think my mom, dad, FI, brother, and MOH will try to spread it around. They are all really protective of me. I just feel bad not hugging people when they lean in for one..hopefully it will all work out..

KJB- I know there isn't a reason, but its just all so new and there are lots of people who are doubting me and the pain I am in.

pantherRN · May 2011

Barbie, I'm late to the game (per usual), but I think you should wear a sandwich board.

JK, but seriously. Skip the receiving line. And I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Before I came to TK, I was on TN for a long time. There is a girl over there, on the Pets board, her SN is dixieandindy. She's in her early 20s and her situation is similar to yours. If you were to lurk on Pets for a little bit, you'd find her.

ootmother2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wr-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea0c7301-c7a9-4dfa-b996-d7414b2e558aPost:9ad839e5-cfe7-4cd4-b834-7ae842cc728c">Re: WR Question</a>:
[QUOTE]OOT- What happened to your hip?
Posted by barbie92[/QUOTE]

I had surgeron in January to repair a torn abductor tendon. I'm down to just one crutch now, seeing the surgeon on 5/31 to see what's next

barbie92 · May 2011

Panther- Thanks for the tip...it is always nice to meet people with the same situation!

barbie92 · May 2011

OOT- Ouch! That sounds really painful!

pantherRN · May 2011

Barbie, she's really awesome. I'm sure she would be more than willing to chat with you.

pantherRN · May 2011

And is your name actually Barbie? Because that's my name. And I've never met anyone with my name.

kellyjellybelly · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wr-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea0c7301-c7a9-4dfa-b996-d7414b2e558aPost:4795ee10-cd38-4749-91d4-757480532317">Re: WR Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think my mom, dad, FI, brother, and MOH will try to spread it around. They are all really protective of me. I just feel bad not hugging people when they lean in for one..hopefully it will all work out.. KJB- I know there isn't a reason, but its just all so new and there are lots of people who are doubting me and the pain I am in.
Posted by barbie92[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, I have found there is a huge stigma with the diagnosis. Very, very unfortunate for those who are suffering.

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