Hey y'all. Might I vent a bit?

Re: Hey y'all. Might I vent a bit?

• cmk46202

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Sorry you are so frustrated! I can't help with your situation but I hope venting helps!

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• MikesAngie member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Your vent is perfectly understandable, and I totally understand!  My MOH did throw me a shower two weeks before the wedding.  I had one of my ladies get her dress three weeks before the wedding!  It all worked out though.
  
  So yes this is the perfect place to vent!  And yes your day should be celebrated and it is just as important as a first and should be no less special.  So enjoy your experience and be happy that you have found love!
  
  Congratulations and welcome to the boards!!!
  
  edited for typos!

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• fireytiger member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I feel your pain. I'm 2 and a half months from my wedding and i've got two BMs driving me nuts too. My MOH has caused me so much stress, first she said she couldn't find a dress. Then she found a dress and complained it was too expensive (even though it was entirely up to her what dress she got to wear, as long as it was the right colour...). Then she stepped down as MOH because she said the cost of it all and the stress was too much (even though all of the "costs" and stress because of it were optional and her own decisions). THEN she said she was thinking about still being MOH again, and she'll "let me know". The other BM is in california, and she STILL hasn't even looked at bridesmaid dresses. She showed me one thing at one point, that was not appropriate and wasn't even the right colour. After that, she hasn't looked since. THANKFULLY i've got two BMs who are local that got their dresses, so at least I don't have to worry about them. But these other two are driving me crazy!
  
  As far as the shower goes, I'd almost rather not have one at all because my two local BMs are throwing it, and they invited people who aren't invited to my wedding (UGH so inappropriate) and they want to do a pot luck shower (UGH so tacky!). But I don't want to appear ungrateful so I'm kinda keeping my mouth shut, but i'm really embarrassed for all my friends and family who are going to be ordered to bring a gift and food to eat... I'm almost tempted to offer to cook for my own shower just to avoid the embarrassment lol!
  
  So yeah. There's my little vent, but i'm sorry you're also going through a bunch of crap too. Just know that we're all here and we "get it".

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• kasper923 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies.  It truly is nice to know that you're never alone no matter what you're going through.  I'll just keep plugging along.  Hopefully I'll be able to enjoy some of the planning that I have left.  Under two months now.....LOL

  

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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Glad you came here to vent. We all do it sometimes.
  
  It will all work out. There is some grand plan out there to make sure it does, many on this board have been through unspeakable stresses that can only come when you have been married previously (you have kids, they have schedules and lives, etc). And I have yet to see anyone not totally happy at their wedding.
  
  This is your first marriage to this man, so hopefully your friends and family come around. For me, I really don't want a shower because between us we have double "stuff" LOL.
  
  Good luck.

  Wedding Website and Bio

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• lindaloulubbock

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  We're date twins!  I'm sorry that your BMs are giving you so much trouble.  Here's what I would do-
  
  Call the BMs who are not responding to text messages.  Ask them to call you back ASAP.  If you don't hear from them by the end of the week (unless they're tax accountants, then give them 10 days), call them back and let them know that you'll no longer need their services as a BM .  That's absurd and you don't need that stress. They're not going to come around and be the world's best BMs if they're that uninterested, just let them off of the hook (gently if you want to preserve the friendship).  I can be as busy as busy can be, but I can always find the time to respond to a text message from a friend.
  
  I've spent a lot of the time I've been planning my wedding mourning the lackluster response from some of the people I love.  This past weekend I decided I was done with that.  We should be celebrating and happy, and if you're not going to celebrate and be happy with me (or at least let me whine about the things that go wrong!), then I don't need to talk to you until June 11.  Surround yourself with the people that are happy (and if that means holing up with FI for 2 months, so be it!).
  
  As for the shower, how about I send you to mine?  I'm a little embarrassed to have one when I've already had one for my first wedding, and we already have a home with everything we need.
  

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• fireytiger member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_hey-yall-might-vent-bit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:da8cceb4-8c91-48c9-af10-123145681a97Post:892752fa-7f0a-44e0-b703-bc5948f4b570">Re: Hey y'all. Might I vent a bit?</a>:
  [QUOTE]We're date twins!  I'm sorry that your BMs are giving you so much trouble.  Here's what I would do- Call the BMs who are not responding to text messages.  Ask them to call you back ASAP.  If you don't hear from them by the end of the week (unless they're tax accountants, then give them 10 days), <strong>call them back and let them know that you'll no longer need their services as a BM . </strong> That's absurd and you don't need that stress. They're not going to come around and be the world's best BMs if they're that uninterested, just let them off of the hook (gently if you want to preserve the friendship).  I can be as busy as busy can be, but I can always find the time to respond to a text message from a friend. I've spent a lot of the time I've been planning my wedding mourning the lackluster response from some of the people I love.  This past weekend I decided I was done with that.  We should be celebrating and happy, and if you're not going to celebrate and be happy with me (or at least let me whine about the things that go wrong!), then I don't need to talk to you until June 11.  Surround yourself with the people that are happy (and if that means holing up with FI for 2 months, so be it!). As for the shower, how about I send you to mine?  I'm a little embarrassed to have one when I've already had one for my first wedding, and we already have a home with everything we need.
  Posted by lindaloulubbock[/QUOTE]
  
  That's a poor idea. Kicking a bridesmaid out is a friendship-ending move, no matter what the reason is, or how "nicely" you do it. Also, what "services" does she no longer require of her BMs? Bridesmaid is not a type of employment that you can fire people from, it's an honor to your nearest and dearest friends. The only things BMs are required to do is get dresses and show up. If they don't get the dresses and/or show up, they've removed themselves from the party. As frustrating as it is that two of my BMs are still floundering on dresses at the 2 and a half month mark, I'm not going to throw them out because of it.

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• lindaloulubbock

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  My point was that someone who can't be bothered to return a text message or phone call is likely does not consider you one of her "nearest and dearest" and if she's can't be bothered to return a text message or phone call, what is she going to be like on your wedding day? 
  
  Maybe my message was poorly worded, but if they haven't ordered dresses and can't respond to you at all 2 months before the wedding, they likely don't want to be in your wedding.  A "Hey, I understand you're really busy and if you don't want to do the BM thing, I totally understand" might do more to save the friendship than end it.
  

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• thealphabride

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I understand your frustration, and this is a good place to come to rant.
  
  Regarding the shower. I really was on the fence about having a shower, my sister's insisted on it. The reason was, I didn't think anyone would come and I was right. We invited about 50 people, (all invited to the weddding) and most either didn't respond to the rsvp, (tacky people) or responded no.
   
  We maybe had 12 people. I was grateful they came, but felt bad for my sisters who spent a lot on cake and decor, it could have been skipped and I wouldn't have been offended. The first time around I did not have any showers, or a wedding reception, so it wasn't as if people were giving a second gift.
  
  Regarding the bridesmaids, I don't know what to advise because only you know the ladies and what would be the best course of action at this point.
  
  I chose only my 2 sisters because some of my friends are very controlling and I knew there would be drama with them in my wedding. One friend was hurt, but I included her in many other ways and she was happy in the end.
  
  I just couldn't take any dress drama or any other kind of drama in my life. At least with my sisters I can tactfully say what is on my mind without worry about causing further drama.
  
  Best of luck, keep us posted!
  

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• kasper923 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks for all of the responses.  I decided to go ahead and put them on the program and if they don't show we'll just make an announcement of some sort.  They were asked to choose a grey dress from JCrew and when the deadline came and went for them to be able to get them, I asked them to just get a grey dress from David's.  The time has come and gone for David's as well.  If they show up in grey pj's it'll be fine.  I'm just going to keep doing what needs to be done and if they show, great.  If not, that's ok too.  I know everyone is busy with their personal lives. 
  Thanks again

  

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• thealphabride

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I didn't realize from your first post that the ladies missed 2 dress buying deadlines. That is really just very inconsiderate and rude in my opinion.
  
  You know what? Your day does matter!!! They are being R.U.D.E. by not answering. You must pick up the phone and call them. 
  
  I  understand being busy, but when you agree to be in someone's wedding there are a few basic obligations you are agreeing to:
  
  1. To buy a dress
  2. To show up.
  
  If they can't even buy a dress on time, TWO TIMES, then I would worry about them showing up.
  

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• renjon7798 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  This is YOUR DAY!  I wouldn't stand for the absolute sh***y way your "friends" are treating you and turing their backs to your joy and happiness.  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate friendships

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