Should I change my name?

hallk33 · February 2010

I guess I have never really given any thought to how I feel about changing my name. I could live with or without it.
But my FSIL has the same name as I do. And I think she maybe insulted if I were to have the same last name as well. She already "feels like she is losing her brother", she isn't really a fan of sharing him. The confusion of us being together is normally resolved by going by last names but that won't work if I were to change my name. I haven't outright ask her what she thinks but I don't think she will be very happy about it.
Even if there wasn't this shared name issue I would still consider keeping my last name.
Thoughts?

amandajean36 · February 2010

if my FSIL's name was Amanda, i would still change my name - because i've made the choice to take my fiance's last name when we get married.

plus, if this is your FI's sister (that's how i'm reading it...she's not FI's brother's wife, right?), then there will more than likely be a time when she gets married and changes her name.

overall, changing your name is up to you - not anyone else. i'd say, in my circle of friends, its about a 50-50 split for those in favor of name changing and those opposed.

do what feels right for you.

megk8oz · February 2010

I think your FSIL's name should have absolutely nothing to do with this decision. It's your name. You have to sign it and introduce yourself with it for the rest of your life, therefore you need to like whatever your name is.

Some women keep their name for professional reaons. Others keep theirs because they have a real attachment to their maiden last name. Precious and few are the women that don't change their name just because their MIL also goes by "Mrs. Husband's Last Name".

Imagine for a moment if you 2 did not share a first name: what would you want your last name to be? Would you want to keep your maiden name anyway? Would you want to hyphenate at all? Would you want just your FI's last name?

Whatever the answer is to this question, that's what your post-wedding name should be.

megk8oz · February 2010

Another thing to consider is, most likely she's going to get married some day, and she might choose to change her name when that time comes, so it's not like you'd both have the same name forever.

trix1223 · February 2010

Take your FSIL completely out of the equation. What do YOU want your name to be after the wedding. If you want to change your name, change it. But please don't base it on what your FSIL wants. It's not her call.

psichick · February 2010

don't worry about how people are going to refer to you as and it might get a little confusing but people will figure it out. this actually is the exact situation my cousins were in. husband's wife's name is stacy and sister is stacey, both with the same last name. so we refer to them either as stacey w or w/out e or by wife's maiden name. but either way, that shouldn't be part of your consideration.

you need to do what YOU want to do, not what your FSIL thinks. if she's "insulted" because you have the same last name there are bigger problems than a name.

hollieheidi · February 2010

I'm definately in the minority.......hyphenate

I know people that hate it and people that love it....I'll be one of the obnoxious hyphens everyone loves to hate!

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Chances are, his family will still continue to call you by your maiden name even if you change it, because nicknames tend to stick like that. Or one of you can go by a middle name or other nickname. She sounds like she's a bit over-dramatic, but she'll grow up and get over it. (Or she won't. Either way, not your problem.) It seems like the issue would only be with his family; outside of them, would anyone have any reason to confuse the two of you?

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Put your FSIL completely out of the mix. If you have the same name, you'll figure something out. My mom's sister and SIL both have the same name. For a while, it was the same last. We called them Theresa G and Theresa GG. The sister with the birth name got married and changed her name, but we still call her by her maiden, because G and GG have stuck. Your FSIL may never get married, she may change her name, she may keep her name, you never know. Don't consider that when making your decision.

Instead, think about how you feel about your birth name, how you feel about taking a husband's name, what it would mean professionally and socially if you did/didn't change your name. If you want to have kids, think about what that would mean. Then go from there.

janedoe1113a · February 2010

I agree that you need to forget about your SIL and make this decision on your own. Do not worry about whether it's going to bother her or not. It's your name and you have the right to change it if you want.

JenniferLuvsCandy · February 2010

More food for thought . . .My FI's first wife never took his last name and he has commented on more than one occasion that it was hurtful she didn't. She didn't tell him until AFTER the wedding that she wasn't. It was surprising to him. Have you asked FI what he thinks? ** don't hit me . . .cringing in the corner**

handfast4me · February 2010

I didn't change my name the first time (18 year marriage) and didn't this past time, either, due to a variety of reasons, including professional, my dad didn't have brothers or sons, and I wanted to pass the name down, etc. I think if the man is completely comfortable with himself, and has no ego issues, then he won't be an issue (and I wouldn't have married a man who objected to me keeping my name). The tradition comes from an "ownership" arrangement. However, all that aside, I agree, you should take the FSIL out of the equation, and figure out if you want to change your name.

Seriously, though, outside of work, the only time anyone ever uses my last name is on bills. So, work was really the only issue for me. Just another consideration.

Blue_Bird · February 2010

I can't imagine anyone being upset about this. The only way it could become an issue would be if you both lived at the same residence and your mail got mixed up. Many families have more than one person with the same name. It isn't a big issue. I am quite sure that if someone means you they will refer to you as ____'s wife or go right up to you. I am not planning on changing my name, but if I was considering it, my future sister in law certainly wouldn't play into my decision.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

My mom and my dad's sister have the same name and I can't say it has ever caused confusion.

hallk33 · February 2010

Thanks for the advice everyone. Even if we didn't share the same name I don't know how I would feel about changing mine but that decision wouldn't be made just because of her.

jlmarks83 · February 2010

I'm crazy excited about taking my FI's last name.

As for your situation...

I agree with what everyone else has said. Your FSIL should have nothing to do with it. There are so many "Paul"s in my family. Both of my grandfathers, my dad, my uncle - and my uncle Paul married a Paulette. Needless to say, everyone had/has a nickname. If your FSIL doesn't like the idea of you taking your FI's last name, that's her issue...not yours. If you decide to take his last name, people will probably still call you by your maiden name. Nicknames stick.

Should I change my name?

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