For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a join

doeie04 · December 2011

Sorry about the long title, my brain couldn't figure out a way to shorten it without being misleading.

Was it weird at first when you thought about spending eachothers money? For us, Chad makes way more than I do, (and is pretty tight with his money) and I just couldn't imagine him letting me have free reign over his money that he worked so hard to get and save.

I would say about a month ago our thought process just kind of switched over. We still pay our own bills and have our money seperate but we are basically spending like we were married. It is hard to explain. For example we are looking to buy a car. Thinking about taking thousands of dollars out of HIS savings account is bugging me. I find myself wanting so spend less of it because we have other goals for our future, and a car isn't that big of a deal to us. There are little things that I do it with too, but I can't think of them at the moment.

Anyone else having this experience?

jaime10285 · December 2011

We live together and have a credit card together but also have our own credit cards. I think that was a good transition for us because we put things for the apartment, food, and when we go out to dinner on our joint CC. If I want to go shopping and buy something for myself I put it on my CC. We pay our joint card 50/50.

When we get married we will create a joint bank account but also keep (smaller) separate accounts. That way we can still have some control over buying something just because we want to since we do each make our own money. Most of the money will be joint though.

Sorry for my rambling but FI just got a new job. When he decided to consider leaving his old job I felt like I had a "say" in what happened since his income was about to become our issue instead of just his. I had never thought about our "joint" finances before that.

eltar08 · December 2011

FI and have maintained separate finances for the year plus we have lived together until just recently when we opened a joint savings after I sold my car. We were both fine keeping separate accounts and we split our bills, so the only reason to keep them separate was really just so we could keep the surprise when we get things for one another. We decided to open the joint account because we'll be getting married and practically speaking, if something big ever happened, we would want to make sure we both have access to the emergency fund.

I agree that I don't want to spend FI's money - we make about the same, but we both try to be mindful of expenses and letting the other person know what we spend, etc. I think whatever works for you guys specifically is all that matters, And of course, just remember that with any joint accounts, both of your SS#s are tied to it in case either one of you decides to get into debt!

kaitlyn142 · December 2011

Thankfully, FI and I make very nearly the same amount. We are probably going to be transitioning to a his/hers/ours account. Paychecks get deposited into the the ours account. 10% goes to his personal one. 10% goes to mine. That's fun spending money. The ours account is for paying off debts, groceries, bills, etc.

You have to stop thinking of it as "his" money. It's not healthy. What if you decide to have kids and drop out of the workforce entirely? It's *family* money.

Zimsgirl · December 2011

We live together and everything's in both of our names. We don't have joint accounts but we have access to each others online and whatnot. For us it's our money paying our bills

doeie04 · December 2011

Jamie- We went throught changing jobs too (except they closed his store) and it does impact the both of you.

eltar- We are going to have one account and our spending money will be equal and I think we will be taking it out in cash so it is easier to keep track of. We will do the same for gifts after agreeing on an amount. That way it won't show up on our online account and give it away! Big purchases will be discussed and agreed upon.

Kaitlyn- I agree. When I said his savings, I meant it is his now, but will be ours later. I forgot to finish my thought there. haha I agree it isn't healthy, and he does too. At first he thought we should have our own accounts and then a joint one, where we both split the bills equally and then put that money in there and the rest was ours to spend how we wished. I told him that wasn't healthy and explained my thought process on it and he agreed.

daria24 · December 2011

I'm having a similar issue. We currently live together, have a joint credit card that we charge everything to that is wedding or household related, and we each pay half of all expenses. But it's starting to get ridiculous. Twice a month or so one of us has to write a check to the other one to cover their share of something.

Eventually I think we will transition to having a joint savings/checking/reitrement plan, and deposit an equal PORTION of our salary into those accounts. And we will keep separate credit cards/checking accounts as well.

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:97913443-e56b-44f1-8b46-df11c36e1af6">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a similar issue. We currently live together, have a joint credit card that we charge everything to that is wedding or household related, and we each pay half of all expenses. But it's starting to get ridiculous. Twice a month or so one of us has to write a check to the other one to cover their share of something. Eventually I think we will transition to having a joint savings/checking/reitrement plan, and deposit an equal PORTION of our salary into those accounts. And we will keep separate credit cards/checking accounts as well.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

We are kind of the same way. I pay my "rent" with a check. People make fun of us and say it doesn't make sense as to why I pay him rent. It used to be rent, when we were just dating because he owns the house. I guess now it is pretty much my contribution to our mortgage, but we still call it rent. I get where you are coming from. If I pay for something that he is paying me back for, I just take it out of the rent. It gets confusing and dumb. I can't wait til all the money goes into one account and he is in charge of paying everything!

goodine11 · December 2011

We live together six months before we were engaged. We do not have any joint acconts as of yet. When he moved in I actually was scared to loose my independence so, I continued to pay all of the bills at my house. He continued to pay the bills at his house where is roommate stayed. However, as of January he will no longer pay bills are his other place. I have not spoken to him about helping me out with my rent and utilties but I will.

We both would like to pay more debt down. I would like us to either pay half rent every month or pay alternate months. Either of those would gives us more freedom to paythings off. Not that our debt is horrible, but I have a goal to pay off at least one thing before the wedding.

Carebear62584 · December 2011

As of right now we don't have joint accounts. I try to pay the house bills and groceries while he pays the mortgage. Problem is....he has a stable job and has for 6 years. Since I don't have a permanent teaching job yet, I have a full-time job that pays $16/hour with no sick/personal days so I'm struggling now and he often has to help out. I also pay health insurance out of pocket so that's another expense that I have and he doesn't. I have a summer job where I make great money, but this summer I got rained out at least once every single week so that's quite a bit of money I missed out on (between $150-$500 per shift depending on the day between tips and pay). I guess once I get a more permanent job we will discuss it more, but I'm so happy he is willing to help me out if I need it because he knows there's nothing I can do about it.

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:d0073691-665d-4552-8efa-d8044133027c">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]We live together six months before we were engaged. We do not have any joint acconts as of yet. When he moved in I actually was scared to loose my independence so, I continued to pay all of the bills at my house. He continued to pay the bills at his house where is roommate stayed. However, as of January he will no longer pay bills are his other place. I have not spoken to him about helping me out with my rent and utilties but I will. We both would like to pay more debt down. I would like us to either pay half rent every month or pay alternate months. Either of those would gives us more freedom to paythings off. Not that our debt is horrible, but I have a goal to pay off at least one thing before the wedding.
Posted by goodine11[/QUOTE]

I think you can have someone pay their share of the bills and still have your independence, although it would be hard forhim to pay for his house and help out with yours. I hope he helped out with cleaning and stuff. ;)

It makes sense for him to pay a portion of the mortgage after January, in my opinion, and he shouldn't have an issue doing it. It seems kind of silly to pay his portion when you could be paying down debt and he isn't paying anything for living expenses.

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:c091ba0a-077d-4673-967e-3f8a3d3288bc">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]As of right now we don't have joint accounts. I try to pay the house bills and groceries while he pays the mortgage. Problem is....he has a stable job and has for 6 years. Since I don't have a permanent teaching job yet, I have a full-time job that pays $16/hour with no sick/personal days so I'm struggling now and he often has to help out. I also pay health insurance out of pocket so that's another expense that I have and he doesn't. I have a summer job where I make great money, but this summer I got rained out at least once every single week so that's quite a bit of money I missed out on (between $150-$500 per shift depending on the day between tips and pay). I guess once I get a more permanent job we will discuss it more, but I'm so happy he is willing to help me out if I need it because he knows there's nothing I can do about it.
Posted by Carebear62584[/QUOTE]

That is nice that he helps out, I think that speaks a lot about a person. I hope you find a job you are looking for when you are ready! :)

LoveYouB · December 2011

We will be getting joint bank accounts when we are married. Like PP, we also live together and spend eachothers money anyway-we consider it "our" money because we truly live by the "what's yours is mine" mentality. FI definitely makes more than me but it doesnt really matter to us. We dont split things equally but everything seems to just work out. It will be alot easier to manage our finances when we have a joint account. Right now we each just pay for whatever when we think of it or if one of us is out, but when we get a joint account I will be taking over ALL the finances completely, which FI cant wait for (I'm an accountant so I like having complete control of the finances bc I'm pretty OCD about paying things timely, with the right credit, and keeping track of our budget etc). So basically I think it will make our lives much easier when we have a joint acount and credit cards.

tania0930 · December 2011

I know that this doesn't exactly apply to me, but I thought I might jump in to give some insight on what it's been like for us!

Brief history: We have lived together since before even dating (that's how we met), but we lived in our friend's home. We have lived in our own place for almost 2 years now. Everything was separate for us financially up until May or June of this year. FI makes a little more than I do, about 5 thousand dollars a year (however this is changing now that I'm a licensed clinician and seeing outpatient clients before and after my 40 hour/week job).

Joint account=AMAZING! We completely combined our accounts so now we have 1 joint checking account, 1 joint savings account and 1 joint credit card (he has his own CC but it only has a $200 limit). Since we have joined incomes, our rate of saving has increased dramatically. We both get paid bi-weekly on the same week. Prior to joining accounts, I was putting away $200 every other pay check (so once a month) and he was putting away $200 every check, so a total of $600 a month. Now, I can't explain how without throwing FI under the bus lol, but we put away $700 with one pay check and $400 with the other (so a total of $1100/month). FI was spending a lot of unaccounted for money on lunches, coffees, etc. Now that we both feel responsible to each other for saving money, we're both more concious of our spending. It has been awesome for us and we have no regrets to joining our money. I think even prior to discussing the option we were already in the "family money" mindframe. I have more bills than him (student loans, old credit card debt) and he has always helped me out whenever needed.

Sorry this is so long!! I just wanted to give you guys our experience and how great it's been, although I'm sure other people experience this transition differently!

LoveYouB · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:6898c3b4-fe13-45ee-a12c-613b4e5dcb15">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that this doesn't exactly apply to me, but I thought I might jump in to give some insight on what it's been like for us! Brief history: We have lived together since before even dating (that's how we met), but we lived in our friend's home. We have lived in our own place for almost 2 years now. Everything was separate for us financially up until May or June of this year. FI makes a little more than I do, about 5 thousand dollars a year (however this is changing now that I'm a licensed clinician and seeing outpatient clients before and after my 40 hour/week job). Joint account=AMAZING! We completely combined our accounts so now we have 1 joint checking account, 1 joint savings account and 1 joint credit card (he has his own CC but it only has a $200 limit). Since we have joined incomes, our rate of saving has increased dramatically. We both get paid bi-weekly on the same week. Prior to joining accounts, I was putting away $200 every other pay check (so once a month) and he was putting away $200 every check, so a total of $600 a month. Now, I can't explain how without throwing FI under the bus lol, but we put away $700 with one pay check and $400 with the other (so a total of $1100/month). FI was spending a lot of unaccounted for money on lunches, coffees, etc. Now that we both feel responsible to each other for saving money, we're both more concious of our spending. It has been awesome for us and we have no regrets to joining our money. I think even prior to discussing the option we were already in the "family money" mindframe. I have more bills than him (student loans, old credit card debt) and he has always helped me out whenever needed. Sorry this is so long!! I just wanted to give you guys our experience and how great it's been, although I'm sure other people experience this transition differently!
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the insight! Icant wait :)

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:6898c3b4-fe13-45ee-a12c-613b4e5dcb15">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that this doesn't exactly apply to me, but I thought I might jump in to give some insight on what it's been like for us! Brief history: We have lived together since before even dating (that's how we met), but we lived in our friend's home. We have lived in our own place for almost 2 years now. Everything was separate for us financially up until May or June of this year. FI makes a little more than I do, about 5 thousand dollars a year (however this is changing now that I'm a licensed clinician and seeing outpatient clients before and after my 40 hour/week job). Joint account=AMAZING! We completely combined our accounts so now we have 1 joint checking account, 1 joint savings account and 1 joint credit card (he has his own CC but it only has a $200 limit). Since we have joined incomes, our rate of saving has increased dramatically. We both get paid bi-weekly on the same week. Prior to joining accounts, I was putting away $200 every other pay check (so once a month) and he was putting away $200 every check, so a total of $600 a month. Now, I can't explain how without throwing FI under the bus lol, but we put away $700 with one pay check and $400 with the other (so a total of $1100/month). FI was spending a lot of unaccounted for money on lunches, coffees, etc. Now that we both feel responsible to each other for saving money, we're both more concious of our spending. It has been awesome for us and we have no regrets to joining our money. I think even prior to discussing the option we were already in the "family money" mindframe. I have more bills than him (student loans, old credit card debt) and he has always helped me out whenever needed. Sorry this is so long!! I just wanted to give you guys our experience and how great it's been, although I'm sure other people experience this transition differently!
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]

I don't mind that it was long! You had some great insight! :D

Carebear62584 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:5552fb29-350e-4c78-9e4c-0e48b321e571">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding. : That is nice that he helps out, I think that speaks a lot about a person. I hope you find a job you are looking for when you are ready! :)
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

He is absolutely wonderful. If you remember, I posted last week about interviewing for a job I wasn't sure about. I could have left my current crappy paying job with lots of opportunity to go to a higher paying job for 6 months that is being eliminated next school year. He assured me that being happy and looking at long-term was more important than looking at the short term pay increase for a position I didn't feel comfortable with. And told me if I needed help with anything he'll help out, but of course he'll still poke fun at me about it. I've never been one to not be able to support myself without asking for money (I lived home until he bought a house) so I almost teared up at the thought that he would support me like this.

On another note, I was the 3rd candidate for the 2 positions I interviewed for but didn't want. I was happy I didn't have to decline the job. I actually JUST completed an online application for a long-term sub position in my school so I'm hoping that I get that and prove myself and hopefully get a teaching position. If not, at least I still have a job I love!

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:a52baad5-4388-4274-943c-49d25b91c7c7">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding. : He is absolutely wonderful. If you remember, I posted last week about interviewing for a job I wasn't sure about. I could have left my current crappy paying job with lots of opportunity to go to a higher paying job for 6 months that is being eliminated next school year. He assured me that being happy and looking at long-term was more important than looking at the short term pay increase for a position I didn't feel comfortable with. And told me if I needed help with anything he'll help out, but of course he'll still poke fun at me about it. I've never been one to not be able to support myself without asking for money (I lived home until he bought a house) so I almost teared up at the thought that he would support me like this. On another note, I was the 3rd candidate for the 2 positions I interviewed for but didn't want. I was happy I didn't have to decline the job. I actually JUST completed an online application for a long-term sub position in my school so I'm hoping that I get that and prove myself and hopefully get a teaching position. If not, at least I still have a job I love!
Posted by Carebear62584[/QUOTE]

I totally agree! I am trying to convince FI to find a new job, that may not pay as much but he would be so much happier!

Good luck on the positon! It is a great way to get your foot in the door.

midgedenver · December 2011

FI and I have had a joint account for three years now. It was hard at first to spend "his" money, but it's become easier now. He still makes more than I do and I have more bills thanks to student loans, but we no longer see it as his money or my money. We have, however, each kept our own separate accounts with banks from back home. That way we can still have a little money that is only one of ours.

goodine11 · December 2011

@ Doeie- He would have never had a problem helping me with the bills. It was my own hang ups. He always offered. He would pay for groceries or just give me spending money.

I dont think he will have a problem with assisting with the bills here. We will be paying bills together for the rest of our lives. He will probably talk to me about it before I do.

And Yes, he cleans with no problem. House chores are split in half. Sometimes he is doing more than me. I am so happy, I have a team player

KrisKenny · December 2011

FI doesn't have an account to begin with - no checking, no savings. He hands me money each week and I pay all the bills. We both have our own savings - mine in an account and his in a safe.

It works out well. If I need more money a certain week to pay bills, he gives it to me. Or, if he's short a little a certain week because he didn't have a ton of hours in (he's a painter), then I pay a little extra. However, most weeks he gives me more than "his portion" of the bills. It helps because I have credit card debt from the past and he helps me with that. He also says some weeks to put a certain amount into my savings, which is nice! We are trying to have the same amount in savings each, that way we don't feel like one person is "higher" than the other.

melfacto · December 2011

As soon as FI and I closed on our house almost 2 years ago, everything went joint - I added him on title to all my accounts and CC - I work for the bank so I get better rates, free accounts, etc - and he closed all his accounts and separate CC's. I am a financial planner and this is usually what we recommend - I mean keep some funds separate for your 'fun' money - but having joint accounts, etc takes away money stress and the 'who's turn is it to pay this, or where is your 50% of the bill'. For FI and I - it is our home, our money and our family that our careers support, when I go on mat leave and take a huge pay cut to stay home - why should I have to suffer with not having my regular pay to support our child because I am at home earning mat benefits. This makes sense for us, we never have negative discussions around money and he lets me take care of paying the bills and our finances, hence what I do for a living... Money is the number one reason there is problems between couples, so we eliminated that problem...

kristin183 · December 2011

FI and I each have our own accounts and a joint account (that we use for savings.. right now it is the wedding account) We also have 2 car loans together. Him and I both have some credit card debt that we racked up before we even met. FI thinks we need to sit down and basically combine them. I am really uneasy with this. I felt like I incurred the debt before I do not think he should be responsible for it. He makes a lot more than I do; about $40,000 more a year than I do. He pays the mortgage and some bills and a lot of our activities. I pay most of the utilities... I honestly feels bad that he pays for more things than I do. I know I shouldn't because he makes quite a bit more than me. We have discussed possibly combining our accounts once we get married but I would like to wait until my debt is paid off.

He also paid my bills and supported me when I was laid off.. which I hated! (we were not even engaged at that point.. but living together) We fought all the time about money during that period. So I am a little scarred from that... I know it is different now but I just have this guilty feeling. It's totally my issue.. he doesn't care now... but I need to get over it.

skybrie · December 2011

We used to have seperate accounts and transfered X into the joint to cover all housing/utilities - That worked fine and we could each spend our own money like we wanted. FI is really bad at keeping track and was starting to get low on funds.

We recently went to a full joint account and we each get $100 a week to spend on what we want. Everything else goes to joint finances. I keep track of both our spending at the end of the week and email him where he is at. So if he overspends one week he makes up for it the next.

I make substationally more than he does and I don't have a problem with spending more on things he needs (Just bought a new car in August which mainly comes from my paycheck even though I take the train to work) One of our 2012 goals is to pay off all loans - so I tripled his student loan payment from my money so we can get it over with.

doeie04 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_those-of-seperate-bills-finances-right-now-will-changing-joint-account-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:d514d224-7daa-4620-bf8e-9895aaa130c8Post:06fe09c5-36c0-46da-ba72-d1e645ace988">Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a joint account after the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]@ Doeie- He would have never had a problem helping me with the bills. It was my own hang ups. He always offered. He would pay for groceries or just give me spending money. I dont think he will have a problem with assisting with the bills here. We will be paying bills together for the rest of our lives. He will probably talk to me about it before I do. And Yes, he cleans with no problem. House chores are split in half. Sometimes he is doing more than me. I am so happy, I have a team player
Posted by goodine11[/QUOTE]

I am so glad he is good to you! I hate to see girls doing everything while their guys sit on the couch playing video games or something. haha

Shelly527IN · December 2011

I'm not sure how FI and I are going to handle this. We are both good with money so no problem there. He owns a car repair business. He has a checking account for that (which I'm on), plus we each have a personal account and each have a savings account at the bank AND an ING account. I really don't want another checkbook/debit card to keep up with!

The plan is to live in my houes (which was my childhood home--paid for--thank God) and rent or sell his. He has a HELOC loan and his mortgage payments on his house and shop. We are still discussing how to handle these things. I did say (jokingly) that we should each be responsible for our own car insurance since I have one car and he has three on the road plus more that he doesn't drive. All but one are stick shift so I couldn't even drive them!

For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a join

Re: For those of you who have seperate bills and finances right now, and will be changing them to a join

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