Duties Although many exceed the minimum, the bridesmaids' required duties are very limited.[1] They are required to attend the wedding ceremony and to assist the bride on the day of the wedding. Bridesmaids in Europe and North America are often asked to assist the bride with planning the wedding and a wedding reception. In modern times, a bridesmaid is also typically asked to play a role in planning wedding-related events, such as a bridal shower or bachelorette party, if there are any. These, however, are optional activities; according to etiquette expert Judith Martin, "Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear dresses they cannot afford."[2] If it is customary in the bride's area to have a bridesmaids luncheon, then it is hosted, and therefore organized and paid for, by the bride.[3] A junior bridesmaid has no responsibilities beyond attending the wedding.
The duties and costs of being a bridesmaid are parsed out between a bride and her attendants in a variety of ways. Since modern bridesmaids, unlike their historical counterparts, can no longer rely on having their clothes and travel expenses paid for by the bride's family, and are sometimes even told they must pay for parties that the bride wants to have before the wedding, it has become customary for the bride to present the bridesmaids with gifts as a sign of gratitude for the support and financial commitment that comes with their roles. It has become equally customary for women who are invited to serve as bridesmaids to first ask about the amount of time, energy, and money that the bride expects from them before accepting this position, and to decline or resign if this is more than they will be able to give.
The part that I put in red seems like a crucial step that was missed by many of us who had BM issues.
After reading about yet ANOTHER BM issue, I thought Id head to wiki to find the real definition of a BM.
After all I read (more than the section I posted) This has been the SINGLE most important sentence.
For those who still have time and this is an option, from my experience, I would lay this out to potential
bridesmaids at the time that you ask them. Because people are generally so happy to say "YES I'LL
BE YOUR BRIDESMAID" and have no idea what it means to you as a bride or what your expectations
will be. IMO its faaaaaaar better to have less from the start then drama of them quitting or u kicking them
out later