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little bridesmaid dilema

Danny&Mel2003Danny&Mel2003 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in May 2013 Weddings

So after reading the post below about bridesmaid /groomsman and unasking someone I need advice ...

I know its bad etiqutte to unask someone but I'm just curious how I am supposed to handle this type of situation.

I asked my ladies early on most of them and I love them and want them there however, one girl has family medical problems and told me she may need to go back to her home country for several months and isn't even sure if she can make it to the wedding. I understand completely and if the situation were me would be the same way. However, when we went bridesmaid dress shopping she couldn't make it ok no biggie back in Nov. We talked and she had mentioned not being sure she could do it because of the issues. I told her wait on making any concrete decisions until we know more. Well its Dec dresses need to be ordered no later than Jan for allow time make, ship etc. I was talking to her normally about random stuff on fb and she was responding. As soon as I brought up the dress ordeal she signed off completely. She is a sweetheart and I know she has a lot going on so I'm really tempted to just talk with her and see what she wants to do. She doesn't want to hurt my feelings, so I've prepared a little speech please tell me what you think:

Given the situation with your family I think it might be best if you came to the wedding as a guest. I love you and your amazing friend but I don't want to burden you with additional stress during a time when your focus should be on family.

I feel horrible doing this but at the same time her family needs to be her focus and I don't want to bother her about the dress. Is this a bad idea? Any others?

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Re: little bridesmaid dilema

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    melb2013melb2013 member
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    If she doesn't order a dress in time for it to be shipped, then she has taken herself out of the wedding party.  There is no reason why you need to know now, or even at the last minute about who is going to stand next to you.  Just let it be.  She won't order a dress and then she won't be in the wedding or she will order the dress and will be in the wedding.

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    vchan4vchan4
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    In Response to Re:little bridesmaid dilema:[QUOTE]If she doesn't order a dress in time for it to be shipped, then she has taken herself out of the wedding party. nbsp;There is no reason why you need to know now, or even at the last minute about who is going to stand next to you. nbsp;Just let it be. nbsp;She won't order a dress and then she won't be in the wedding or she will order the dress and will be in the wedding. Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
    Ditto what Mel said

    Another option could be letting her wear her own dress so she can still stand with you if she doesnt order in time Maybe in the same colours? In the end, your wedding party are your nearest and dearest, so I would let her know that you want her there and will support whatever decision she makes. I would let her dictate where this goes. GL!
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
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    The ball's in her court on this, I agree that if she hasn't ordered her dress by january then she's taken herself out. You've given her all the necessary info.
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    Sharpschruter22Sharpschruter22 member
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    Instead of saying that, just come out and ask her if given the situation, she would rather be a guest. Put the ball in her court.
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    Carson386Carson386 member
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    If she knows when the dress needs to be ordered by, then the ball is in her court. I had 2 of my BMs that waited until the very last day, 30 minutes before the dress shop closed to order them. If she doesn't order the dress she is either out, looking for the dress online, or you let her wear her own. I wouldn't send her a note though, she might really be looking foreward to your wedding and it could be an event to give her a little stress relief.

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    unclaimedpantsunclaimedpants member
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    I guess I'm a bit different. If it was one of my girls, I'd just straight up tell her that she's one of my BFF's and I completely understand if now just isn't the right time to be a BM. I'd also make sure she knew that her decision wouldn't impact our friendship, or how special she is to me. It's just a day afterall...as long as she supports you and stands beside you during your marriage, that's really what matters.

    Good luck!

    gettin' hitched 05.04.13
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