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Wedding Etiquette Forum
How do you deal with awful family members?
So, I have 2 cousins, the 2 daughters of my mom's brother. With one of them, I am fairly close. She and my stepsister are my two bridesmaids. Her sister lives in another state. I haven't spoken to her much in the last couple of years, other than a brief "hello" when she came down to visit our grandparents a couple of months ago, and a silly altercation she tried to start on facebook. My bridesmaid cousin asked me the other day if I was inviting the other cousin. I told her that I wasn't planning on it, and why did she ask? She said because she spoke to her sister who said she was not going to come, to which she replied that she didn't think she was invited anyway.
It may be petty, but I have always begrudged my long distance cousin. We all grew up together, but as we got older we drifted apart. I honestly think she's a selfish, ungrateful b**** who takes advantage of everyone who crosses her path and whines too much about hardships she brings on herself. However, my mom and grandma say i should invite her to the wedding to be polite and maintain civility. I don't think I should have to invite someone that I barely speak to, and truly can't stand. My fiance has never met her, so he doesn't care. My aunt agrees that if she said she wasn't going to come anyway, and has an attitude for no reason, I shouldn't waste an invitation or my time.
Do I have to be the bigger person on this?
Sorry if this post was written in a confusing way.
It may be petty, but I have always begrudged my long distance cousin. We all grew up together, but as we got older we drifted apart. I honestly think she's a selfish, ungrateful b**** who takes advantage of everyone who crosses her path and whines too much about hardships she brings on herself. However, my mom and grandma say i should invite her to the wedding to be polite and maintain civility. I don't think I should have to invite someone that I barely speak to, and truly can't stand. My fiance has never met her, so he doesn't care. My aunt agrees that if she said she wasn't going to come anyway, and has an attitude for no reason, I shouldn't waste an invitation or my time.
Do I have to be the bigger person on this?
Sorry if this post was written in a confusing way.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you deal with awful family members?
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
I'm usually the first to say invite family. But if I read your post correctly, she was already told she probably wasn't invited after she said she wasn't coming. So if I were her and got an invite now I would assume it was just for show because I already said i wouldn't go. Just skip the invite and forget about it.
You don't HAVE TO be the bigger person, but honestly? I would. I think it's kind of harsh to invite the rest of her immediate family and not send at least a token invite. It's also possible that your relationship will change in the future and you'll regret closing this door now.
If being someone who whines too much about self-imposed hardships was the basis for not inviting people, my wedding hall would have been awfully empty.
I didn't invite one of my cousins because my aunt said matter-of-factly "Don't bother. He won't come."
[QUOTE]Is not inviting her worth dealing with her after you don't invite her? I'd probably just invite her anyway. She probably won't show up.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
This. I invited a couple of family members I barely see just because I knew everyone would be happier to know they were invited.
ETA: Some of them came, and some didn't.
(I managed to shatter the glass in our coffee table so we have none!)
I have a lot of resentment towards her because she's very manipulative. She tries to cause problems between people, and I'm afraid she'll try to make a scene at my wedding or do something else to draw attention to herself. The only people invited in her immediate family would be her sister and her father-- neither of which she sees often.
Another problem i have with her is that she is very condescending. Since she is not happy (i don't know that she really has the capacity to be?), she wants to destroy other's happiness by pointing out flaws.
I wasn't invited to her wedding, even though it was 20 minutes away from where i live. Also, a lot of my family is hurt that she had her mother walk her down the aisle and give her away, even though her father (my blood relative) was at the wedding, and has never done anything to her to deserve being treated that way. It was very hurtful to him. Many in my family said if they had been there (i think the only ones who bothered to make it were my grandma and her parents and sister) they would have gotten up and walked out because, again, she did it to embarass him and make him feel worthless to her. Invite him, then keep him out of his traditional duties at the ceremony (which, again, i could understand if he was a bad father, but he's never done anything bad to her.)