When & how to follow-up with financial promises?

Re: When & how to follow-up with financial promises?

• 6fsn member

  

  December 2012

  There is no way to ask.  Plan the wedding you can afford without their help.  If they do give you something you've got a bonus to upgrade.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  December 2012

  Here is what I told you on the Etiquette board:
  
  I'm a 3 time MOB.  Since THEY told you they would help pay for the wedding there is nothing wrong with you sitting down with them and frankly discussing this.  That discussion should be thoughtful and done with a lot of gratitude.

  
  

  I do have a few questions:

  
  

  1.  Was a budget set and a definite amount promised by them?

  2.  Was there any kind of timeline set for when you would need this money?

  
  

  You need to drop the idea of casually mentioning this and be honest with them.  Show them a list of your vendors and the deposits needed, along with when the deposits are required.  Show them the same thing with final payments.  Can you even get the vendors/venues you want at this late date?  Are they still available?

  
  

  One thing is going through the back of my mind.  I am wondering if  there has been a major change to their finances and this will be too hard for them to do.  If we have been hit with some major unexpected bill/expense/etc we don't necessarily chat about that with our kids as it is our private business.  Sometimes something like that can make one feel ashamed if it interferes with promises made to others.

  
  

  Another little thing going through the back of my mind is that they just have no idea how far in advance weddings need to be contracted.  When DD #3 got married back in '09 her ILs said they wanted to "help with the wedding."  That was about 17 months out.  Around here you contract venues and vendors asap.  We contracted her photographer in Feb '08 for a May 09 wedding.  At that time they only had two '09 dates left available!  We were struggling to decide on a budget and what we could contract because they had not defined what their "help" would be.  Her FI and his parents had no idea you needed to contract the venues/vendors so early.  She had her FI ask his parents to define exactly what they envisioned so we could plan the wedding.  Turns out they footed 1/3 of the cost of the wedding, they just had no idea how early you have to take care of things around here.

  
  

  I would start by reminding them how grateful you are, and have your list ready.  It should match up to an already agreed upon budget (I hope).  Then ask them if they are still able to help you.  If so, make sure there is an understanding of what is needed and when.

  
  

  If things have changed for them, you and FI will need to rework your wedding and have what the two of you can afford.  Good luck!

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• mdupon70997 member

  

  December 2012

  You're absolutely right. They have NO idea how far in advance weddings need to be planned these days. Actually when I told my dad that My mom bought my dress in October, he pretty much had a cow. "I don't understand why you're even going dress shopping right now. What do you mean you have to order it? You didn't like any of the dresses they had at the store? I don't understand why you can't just buy one that's already there." Clueless bless his heart. But that cluelessness has made it really difficult to secure any vendors.

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