Maid of Honor Issues

So, my MOH has been my best friend since forever. She was living quite far away from me when I first got engaged, but has since moved and now lives about 2 hrs away. The wedding is not for another 9 months, and right now, my fiance and I are focusing more on HOW we're going to pay for things, so I have not really had time to think about little details. My MOH, however, feels like I am not including her anything. I picked out my dress when I was shopping with my fiances cousin who was in town visiting, and I thought it would be a good bonding experience between us since I had not met her before and she is going to be my family as well. I wasn't even expecting to find a dress - she just happened to pick it out and I tried it on. So, my MOH was upset about that. Then I recently found my wedding shoes on sale and my Mom bought them for me as a gift. My MOH got upset about that coz she wasn't there when I found them.

I don't know what I am supposed to do here - there is nothing she can help out with right now coz we don't have money to spend until  later. I can't have her getting mad at everything I do/buy without her because we aren't around each other 24/7.

Any suggestions?? Has anyone else had to deal with issues like this??

Re: Maid of Honor Issues

  • KowalskiPhotoKowalskiPhoto member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like this is very frustrating.

    Have you tried sitting down with her to explain that you would include her if you knew these things were going to happen? and that these things were not intentionally done?

    Have you explained that you aren't trying to hurt her with these things but its a difficult situation you're in right now?

  • edited December 2011
    fortunately i haven't gone through this -yet.  my sister will be my MOH and she's been bugging me since the summer about wanting to check out dresses (wedding will be in july 2012).
    your friend is really excited for you and for being your MOH, so i guess i can understand why she feels a little left out in those cases. 
    i'm on a budget myself, so i'll be doing a lot of diy projects with the help of my sis and any helpful hand i can get. 
    if you have any diy projects, you could definitely count on your friend to help you out.  maybe even give her some tasks- help you research any ideas you have for the wedding. i'm sure she'll happily do it!
    next time if you see a great bm dress, cardbox, favor... or something in store, you could always put it on hold instead of buying it right away so that you and your bff can see it together.  she'll feel special to be a part of that important day, even if you're only buying toasting flutes =)
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for all your suggestions. I have told her there is nothing for her to do right now. The only task I have given her is to research flower prices - she didn't even get back to me on that one. Just told me which flowers are in seasons and different types of bouquets. She says she has a busy life, so why is she so obsessed with helping me plan my wedding? I know she goes and reads all the MOH duties online and expects to do every single one of them, but I am capable of doing it myself. My Mom is someone who always told me, and STILL tells me what to do, I want to be able to plan my wedding MY way - not someone nagging at me that I didn't call her or isn't giving her stuff to do.
  • MichelleMSRDMichelleMSRD member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have you thought about setting a date to do something (eg address invitations etc), even if its a couple of months down the road? Sounds like she really just wants to be involved in something tangible.

    Flower pricing is a bit hard for the MOH to do, unless she knows exactly what you want for a bouquet, which is why she might be dragging a bit on that one.
  • edited December 2011

     "I picked out my dress when I was shopping with my fiances cousin who was in town visiting, and I thought it would be a good bonding experience between us since I had not met her before and she is going to be my family as well."

    I can see her being a little upset at having missed what she probably was the most excited for (the shopping for dress and shoes). Even more than that you are being defensive with justifying who you took with you, who though you do need to get to know better, was an odd choice to go dress shopping with. It obviously wasn't intentional that she wasn't included though, so while you have to consider her feelings, it's over and she needs to move on. Have you taken her to see the dress? I picked out my dress without my bridesmaids or MOH there, then made an appointment to go back with them and try it on and take pictures, shop for hairpeice and jewelry.

    If she wants to help out that much then sit down and choose things that you don't mind giving her control of, make a list with all the items and when you need them done by, but be clear about the items you don't want help with. Most of the work you will want your bridesmaids to help you with will be A LOT closer to the wedding day. I would consider yourself a little lucky to have someone that interested in helping you out, it doesn't always work out that way and even though you want to do it all yourself now - you may change your mind later.

  • This sounds very frusrating. Exactly as Michelle said... Task her with something tangible. I think that this is all coming from a good place in her heart-- She just wants to be participate and be involved Smile

    At 9 months out you could still start a few projects. Start builing your board, choose your wedding colours and have her start looking for her bridesmaid's dress, perhaps she can help you research DJs or something? 

    I have found that most people really just want to be in involved and feel like they are contributing. Task whatever you feel comfortable tasking out and that should get her off your back. Kiss

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