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Not Engaged Yet
Time to rant about my mother!
OK...
I have been going back and forth with my mother lately about the dumbest thing ever! I am about to finish my undergrad in December. I have known for a long time that they would not pay my final semester. I just finished paying off $8,000 of credit card debt just a few weeks ago, so I have no saving currently. I received about $3,000 in my tax return and my mother wants me to use it for my tuition. The problem with that is that BF and I are planning on using that combined with his savings as a down payment on a house.
My mother has told me the only money she will give me towards this final semester is from the money she has saved for my wedding. She has $25,000 saved for me. I want to use $4,000 of that money for tuition. I have discussed it with BF and we know we would like to get married next fall. That gives us more than a year from now to save any additional money for a wedding. We are okay with this, we would like to spend less than $20,000 on a wedding.
But, my mother is convinced that I will want something extra for my wedding and that I will be mad at her for not paying for it in the future. I am not worried about this. BF and I are responsible adults living on our own dime. I appreciate all she has done with paying for school for me and saving for my future wedding.
That being said, I would like for her to stick to her word an use the wedding money for my tuition and let me and BF decide what we will spend on our wedding and if we need more than we have we will choose a date further away.
For now I have agreed to pay for my tuition for my one summer class. But, I need to figure out what to do for fall. Any suggestions/ advice would be very helpful! Thanks in advance!
I have been going back and forth with my mother lately about the dumbest thing ever! I am about to finish my undergrad in December. I have known for a long time that they would not pay my final semester. I just finished paying off $8,000 of credit card debt just a few weeks ago, so I have no saving currently. I received about $3,000 in my tax return and my mother wants me to use it for my tuition. The problem with that is that BF and I are planning on using that combined with his savings as a down payment on a house.
My mother has told me the only money she will give me towards this final semester is from the money she has saved for my wedding. She has $25,000 saved for me. I want to use $4,000 of that money for tuition. I have discussed it with BF and we know we would like to get married next fall. That gives us more than a year from now to save any additional money for a wedding. We are okay with this, we would like to spend less than $20,000 on a wedding.
But, my mother is convinced that I will want something extra for my wedding and that I will be mad at her for not paying for it in the future. I am not worried about this. BF and I are responsible adults living on our own dime. I appreciate all she has done with paying for school for me and saving for my future wedding.
That being said, I would like for her to stick to her word an use the wedding money for my tuition and let me and BF decide what we will spend on our wedding and if we need more than we have we will choose a date further away.
For now I have agreed to pay for my tuition for my one summer class. But, I need to figure out what to do for fall. Any suggestions/ advice would be very helpful! Thanks in advance!
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Re: Time to rant about my mother!
So after you graduate I assume you will be getting a job... and if you do that you will be able to save more money, I feel like you guys shouldn't have a problem making back that 4,000 that you put towards school. Have you discussed this part with her at all?
My mother is just crazy.
She definitely sounds unreasonable to me if she knows what you make tho, she should be able to see that you're being responsible. And I think that maybe if you give her time she will. I hope, lol... feel free to tell me it's just wishful thinking on account of trying to be positive tho : )
I don't think you get to dictate how or what gifts people give you.
But I also think that if she gave you the money as one lump sum, you could then choose how to spend it.
I guess what I'm saying is, until she gives you the money, it's hers. But after she gives it to you, it's yours. Either way, neither of you gets to tell the other how to spend it.
That said, I think if you told her that going in to debt now to pay your tuition would only mean paying more in interest on that debt long term, so paying cash would actually save money in the long term, since you could put your earnings toward the wedding fund instead of paying of tuition debt. Maybe putting it that way would help her see that using the money in the smartest way is ultimately best for everyone.
Desertsun, I agree its her money to give how she wants, but she did already tell me that I could have it for school. Its just that now she is taking back the offer because she is afraid I will want more money for the wedding.
I am not even engaged yet. lol I've told her that I will have time to save extra money for a wedding not extra time to save for school starting in 3 weeks.
I did agree to pay for the one summer class, its just now I have to somehow negotiate money for the fall.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I just need to explain in detail what BF and I want for our wedding and that it is more important to avoid debt now and save for the future.