Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?

CaylaSummer · January 2011

I was just curious how it works when I walk down the aisle.

In this case I would have my mother walk me down but do I walk with my fiance to the altar or my fiance and I would walk with the priest similar when they have a regular sunday mass?

I haven't talk to my parish yet about this but I was wondering what the norm is in a catholic wedding. I'm doing my marriage prep course right not and I read in the booklet they hand out that my fiance and I would walk down the aisle with the priest but it can vary depending which parish you go to.

cutie+love · January 2011

I've been to quite a few Catholic weddings, and in all of them the groom waits at the altar for the bride to walk down the aisle towards him.

That's like the best moment of the wedding, when the bride appears at the back of the church and you watch the groom's face as her sees her for the first time!

bibliophile2010 · January 2011

This is one that you are very much going to have to talk to your priest about.

Technically, the mass rubric calls for the bride and groom to walk together. However, most churches allow the alternative form that looks more like the "traditional" TV wedding with the bride escorted by her dad/parents/whomever (in this case, your mom). There are lots and lots of variations on what can be done with the wedding processional that still fit within the allowable parameters of the mass (groom waiting, groom in processional with parents, priest in processional, priest waiting/appearing up front, etc.) that will be totally dependant on your priest/parish/etc.

Your priest will be able to tell you what he expects and what he prefers.

That said, there is at least one poster (Calypso) who walked up the aisle with her husband and is very happy with the decision. Hopefully, she will be by to post her insights.

k8ly · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:cda38fc5-9fc2-48de-bad0-f58807f2a0cf">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one that you are very much going to have to talk to your priest about. Technically, the mass rubric calls for the bride and groom to walk together. However, most churches allow the alternative form that looks more like the "traditional" TV wedding with the bride escorted by her dad/parents/whomever (in this case, your mom). There are lots and lots of variations on what can be done with the wedding processional that still fit within the allowable parameters of the mass (groom waiting, groom in processional with parents, priest in processional, priest waiting/appearing up front, etc.) that will be totally dependant on your priest/parish/etc. Your priest will be able to tell you what he expects and what he prefers. That said, there is at least one poster (Calypso) who walked up the aisle with her husband and is very happy with the decision. Hopefully, she will be by to post her insights.
Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

This.

::waits excitedly for Calypso's story:: I never get tired of this one!

agapecarrie · January 2011

The rubric suggests walking together, but in the same sentence offers the option of "other cultural customs" Making a different choice here is not the same as if other mass rubrics were not followed.

Calypso1977 · January 2011

hi!

yes, i chose to walk with my husband for several reasons.

1. we wanted to do all of our pictures before hadn to allow for maximum time with our guests afterwards. so, since we were seeing each other anyway, it didnt matter.

2. i hate hate hate the symbolism behind being "given away" or even escorted.

3. i liked the idea of approaching the altar together. we made a decision to get married together, why not process in to receive our sacrament together?

also, the good thing is i wasnt glued/transfixed to my H as i walked down the aisle. instead, we both had a great time smiling and saying hi to our friends adn family as we walked in.

i honestly wanted to do this even before i learned that its technically the correct way for a catholic wedding. however, my priest was actually planning on H up front and me walkig in, until i told him we wanted to do it the way we did.

it was great!!!

CaylaSummer · January 2011

Oh okay, it doesn't matter to me wither way but My FI wants the movie thing where he waits for me at the altar.

The other option that the marriage prep counsellor mentioned was to have someone walk you down halfway then walk myself towards my husband to be. I actually really like this idea because I guess in the church you are technically getting married on your own free will so this makes. I'm going to be wearing a veil so I thought he should be the one to lift it.

clearheavens · January 2011

FI and I are planning to walk each other down the aisle. It is also what our parents did before us when they got married almost 30 years ago.

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) wrote a letter in May 2009 proposing (not requiring) to B&Gs that this way will more fully reflect the Rite of Marriage. B&Gs mutually, freely, and equally enter into the marriage and administer the sacrament to one another.

CaylaSummer · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:6c5f0b25-73d1-478a-856f-d31f581087c1">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I are planning to walk each other down the aisle. It is also what our parents did before us when they got married almost 30 years ago. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) wrote a letter in May 2009 proposing (not requiring) to B&Gs that this way will more fully reflect the Rite of Marriage. B&Gs mutually, freely, and equally enter into the marriage and administer the sacrament to one another.
Posted by clearheavens[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That sounds so romantic. I'm from Canada so I don't know if we have different rules here I would assume Catholic marriage is a Catholic marriage if you know what I mean.

</div>

lmeade62 · January 2011

Oh, I really hope my father will be allowed to walk me down the aisle. I involved no one in my first marriage - which should have been my first clue that it was a dreadful mistake - and I think my dad has been looking forward to the day when I truly could marry a man I loved and who loved me in return. I have been so excited to have him play such a key role in my wedding, especially since my mother has been gone for nearly ten years.

I don't want my fiance to see me before the wedding...I can't wait to see his face when he sees me in my dress for the first time...

Linda

Josh+Shannon · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:0af7aa3c-8363-4672-938c-efbec0b593cd">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE]hi! yes, i chose to walk with my husband for several reasons. 1. we wanted to do all of our pictures before hadn to allow for maximum time with our guests afterwards. so, since we were seeing each other anyway, it didnt matter. 2. i hate hate hate the symbolism behind being "given away" or even escorted. 3. i liked the idea of approaching the altar together. we made a decision to get married together, why not process in to receive our sacrament together? also, the good thing is i wasnt glued/transfixed to my H as i walked down the aisle. instead, we both had a great time smiling and saying hi to our friends adn family as we walked in. i honestly wanted to do this even before i learned that its technically the correct way for a catholic wedding. however, my priest was actually planning on H up front and me walkig in, until i told him we wanted to do it the way we did. it was great!!!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

i TOTALLY agree! i know a lot of people look for the groom's reaction as the bride walks in, but honestly -when we see each other for the first time that day - that's a special moment for the two of us. call me selfish, but i'm not willing to share that with everyone else!

[Deleted User] · January 2011

My Dad walked me down the aisle and I wouldn't of had it any other way.

catarntina · January 2011

Groom and groomsmen came in from a side aisle, following the priest. One of the GM waited for one of the BM (I had 2 on each side). The MOH walked down by herself followed by the RB by himself. My dad escorted me down the aisle.

And like MissySue, I wouldn't have had it any other way. To me, it's like my dad took me this far, and my H will be taking over from there.

But honestly, my priest didn't even give us another option. This was how he said it had to be.

lisa89760 · January 2011

In my church you can basically do whatever you want (your parents can walk you down, your H can, you can walk yourself down etc) and I, like OP, am having my mom walk me down. I think you should do what feels the best for you!

christyhal · January 2011

Our BM and GM are walking in in pairs. Both of FI's parents are walking him in, and both of my parents are walking me in. Our priest said that how we walk in is entirely up to us. (I have some concerns about the aisle being wide enough for three across, but that's for another day...) After we told the priest how we want to walk, he was quite surprised, and said that while this was closer to the recommended way of doing it, we're the first couple he has married who didn't have all the guys up front to start.

I don't like the 'giving away' symbolism, but this way, we're both walking in with our families (all siblings are in WP, except my youngest brother who is going to be the altar server), who got us this far, and walking out with eachother, as the start of a new family.

bel138 · January 2011

I processed with my DH. BM and GM in pairs, ILs, my dad and stepmom. Priest walked back the aisle to get us, then lead us up to the altar. We held candles, symbolizing the light of Christ guiding us.

We did a "reveal" before the ceremony. We saw each other alone for the first time and had the photographer capture it. It was nice to share that moment privately so that we could actually express to each other how nice the other looked. We also "broke the rules" and hugged and kissed, which definitely wouldn't have happened if I walked to him. It calmed me down a lot. After that I also didn't care about people seeing me and greeted guests as they came in.

And ditto Calypso about entering the marriage as equals. Our pre-Cana priest said something to that effect as well. And while I can understand the sentiment of having family escort you, I really disagree for myself with the above poster that said that her father got her to this point and now her fiance is taking over.

Calypso1977 · January 2011

And while I can understand the sentiment of having family escort you, I really disagree for myself with the above poster that said that her father got her to this point and now her fiance is taking over.

yes, i do too. i think maybe if i were a younger bride, still living at home, etc. i could see this symbolism. but i was nearly 32 when i walked down the aisle and id lived alone for 10 years at that point. no one was really still raising me or taking care of me.

we also kissed right before we opened the church doors and walked down! i think we said somethgn to the effect of "lets do it!" or "see you up there" or somethign like that.

newlyseliski · January 2011

I'd really like to walk up the aisle with my fiance for the reasons that Calypso and clearheavens mentioned... but I'm pretty sure my dad would prefer escorting me up the aisle and be hurt if I chose the standard form. My younger sister recently got married and had my dad escort her up the aisle, so I'm sure my parents would be very unhappy if I did not do this also... It's a bit of a dilemma!

Riss91 · January 2011

Personally, I don't think that having your father escort you automatically means he is "giving you away". I had my father walk me down the aisle because he was the most important man in my life before my husband was in the picture. My father was the example to me of what a good man, husband and father was and so to me, it was a way of honoring him.

I also think it's great to walk down the aisle for the reasons pp have mentioned. But I truly don't think having your father walk you down is a negative thing, unless you choose to see it that way.

agapecarrie · January 2011

I think its important to remember that "traditions" have various meanings attached to them by various sources, and the most notable one is the television.

How many things do brides "dream" of with their wedding only because they've seen it on tv, and then others repeating what they've seen. Its not necessarily all bad, but let's ask the question "where do you get your traditions from"?

ie: unity candle was invented on a soap opera.

I think that Theology of the body can speak volumes into these traditions. The woman is the pinnacle of creation. The husband's job is to care for, protect, and die for her. This is not downplaying women, this is raising them up to the value they truly have. A Husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church (loving means to will the good of the other), so the husband is called to get his wife (and family) to heaven, even if it kills him. In this light, it can make sense for a father to escort his daughter to the man who takes over that role. (leave your father and mother and cleave to wife/husband).

Please dont' misunderstand, ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own salvation, but we are also our brother's keeper, especially to those we are married to (Eph 5). Just because a man opens the door for you does not mean he thinks you are incapable of opening the door.

As Riss said, having an escort does not necessarily get the meaning of being "given away"

Riss91 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:98f26471-f64a-4ac9-9039-3323d37eea8f">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE] The woman is the pinnacle of creation. The husband's job is to care for, protect, and die for her. This is<strong> not downplaying women, this is raising them up to the value they truly have</strong>. A Husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church (loving means to will the good of the other), so the husband is called to get his wife (and family) to heaven, even if it kills him. In this light, it can make sense for a father to escort his daughter to the man who takes over that role. (leave your father and mother and cleave to wife/husband). Please dont' misunderstand, ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own salvation, but we are also our brother's keeper, especially to those we are married to (Eph 5). <strong>Just because a man opens the door for you does not mean he thinks you are incapable of opening the door</strong>.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

Love how you stated this, and especially the bolded parts. I'm tucking it away for future reference when my husband's family once again instigates fights with us over the woman/man roles according to the Church.

Calypso1977 · January 2011

i hear your points, riss and agape. FWIW, the whole "man is the head of the household" was the single biggest sticking point for me in our pre-cana. i wanted to view us as equals, but the church views men has having the upper hand in decision making, etc. because of his role and duty to his family based on the bible.

my parents, while very devout catholic, also raised me to be extremely independent. i dont like to rely on men (or anyone, really) for anything. there were no gender based roles in our home growing up and honestly, that's the kind of upbringing i want for my child if i have one. btu i also know that in 30 years, that child will probably still have the same struggle i have now.

Riss91 · January 2011

It's a hard concept to get around and I struggle with it myself. I'm a very in-charge woman. I am the breadwinner (at least for now), I handle all the bills, planning and organization of our household. I have a higher degree than my husband, yadda yadda. So, I don't feel like I'm a woman that is being "taken care of" or "looked after" by my husband as far as the household is concerned.

But I don't think that's what the Church means, either. I interpret it as a circular relationship.....and the husband is a spokesperson of sorts, but not a dictator....

agapecarrie · January 2011

This is where language, semantics, and misunderstandings come into play.

Spiritual leadership has hardly anything to do with traditional "gender roles"

This is scripture, in several places, where it says wives be submissive (which means under the mission of) your husband. This is not a lowering of their dignity, but a raising of it. This does not give the husband the "upper hand" , or dominance, or anything.

The husband's mission is to love their wives (will their good- which is heaven)...to get them to heaven even if it kills them. They have the much harder and scarier role here. The wife's job is to put herself "under" that mission, which means to allow him to love her.

Men and women are not the same. THey are equal in dignity, but they are not the same. There is a complimentarity written into our bodies that speaks volumes about who we are as human beings..men and women. The body makes visible what is invisible. Men "give" in a receiving way, and women "receive" in an giving way.

I have to say this again, this does not in any way lower women's dignity, but raises them up. They are the pinnacle of creation, and the church teaches that men should treat women as such. It comes down to the fact that because the husband is going to have some accountability for his domestic church, his decisions are going to have serious impact.

cutie+love · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:4e6444f2-cd85-4481-811b-7afe00594c18">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE] We did a "reveal" before the ceremony. We saw each other alone for the first time and had the photographer capture it. It was nice to share that moment privately so that we could actually express to each other how nice the other looked. We also "broke the rules" and hugged and kissed, which definitely wouldn't have happened if I walked to him. It calmed me down a lot.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

Love this idea! I can see how it would take away a lot of anxiety/anticipation.

Hope61 · January 2011

What a great conversation here! I especially love Riss's and Agape's comments.

For me there was no decision to be made. I am very much a "daddy's girl" and I love the symbolism of my husband taking the place of my father as protector, provider, support... even though I am currently financially stable and we will live on my income for at least the first year of marriage while FI finished school.

I can definitely see it the other way too. But its more meaningful to me to have my dad walk me down the aisle and "give me away" to my groom.

bel138 · January 2011

I don't even mean that I disagree with the father walking you down in the context of being "given away." I know the church is very against that sentiment. I just fail to see how your father, alone, should be the one escorting you.

If you are not being "given away," then your father esentially is not part of the equation here. You are getting married of your own free will. You are entering a partnership with your husband. And as I have said before when this topic comes up, the priest is supposed to escort you, as symbolism for the church being a guiding force. It would make no sense for the priest to escort your and your father. The church is guiding you and your new husband in your relationship, not you and your father in the relationship that is ending. (For those of you who are focusing on the change between who is the big man in your life, not just your "protector.")

I don't mean to offend anyone with my view. I just don't understand why so many disregard what is recommended by the church on this point, when there is such rich symbolism and history behind it.

Also, we have never been told through Pre-Cana or anytime else that the man is the head of the houshold. Maybe everyone was just too afraid of reactions to say something like that out loud.

CaylaSummer · January 2011

Wow, thanks everyone for all these insights you have given. I will keep you posted what my parish says how my fiance and I are suppose to walk down the aisle.

linzluvsgzuss · January 2011

Can I ask a further question? I had heard about the whole walking halfway up the aisle with your parents and then FI and you walk the rest of the way to the altar, but logistically, what does that look like? My family is a crazy mess so I'm not too keen on having my parents (which parents, I have like 4) walk down the aisle with me and I love the symbolism of approaching the altar with your spouse to be, but I don't want us to see each other before the wedding mass and I'd love to get the classic first look in the Church, so I'm thinking the halfway thing would be a happy medium? But I just can't logistically picture it...

Would my parents just hang back and chill halfway down the aisle till we walk up and then they finish walking up front? Would FI and I wait at the halfway point till my parents got to their seats? Or what happens?

stasha412 · January 2011

It depends if you are Roman Catholic or Byzantine Catholic. If you are Byzantine Catholic then the bride walks down the aisle with your husband to be if Roman Catholic the groom stands by the altar.

agapecarrie · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walk-down-aisle-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a5f8f766-013a-4969-acee-d9cb7b25573ePost:fce475e0-d174-491f-bdc6-270650fd7bbb">Re: Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?</a>:
[QUOTE]It depends if you are Roman Catholic or Byzantine Catholic. If you are Byzantine Catholic then the bride walks down the aisle with your husband to be if Roman Catholic the groom stands by the altar.
Posted by stasha412[/QUOTE]

Stasha, actually, the rite of marriage for latin rite suggests bride and groom walk together, or other cultural standards.

Do you walk down the aisle with your fiance?

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