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Need advice on a friend trying to force his way into groom's party

cfine51386cfine51386
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I need help. My fiance and I have a friend that we kind of had some baggage with.  We were great friends with him, until he got addicted to drugs and alcohol. Then in a drunken rampage he made a horrible comment about my father who died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years before this incident. 

We stopped talking to this friend up until this summer when he reached out to us. We have  slowly been rebuilding this relationship, but here's the problem: despite only having being in contact for 2-3 months, this friend thinks that he deserves a spot in the groom's party. I am really uncomfortable with this, and he has been a bit rude and confrontational with me about it.  So now I don't know what to do. My fiance feels obligated to ask him to be a part of the party. I have no problem giving this guy an invite, but I feel like the people in the wedding party are supposed to be those who have truly loved and supported you. What should I do?
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Re: Need advice on a friend trying to force his way into groom's party

  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    this guy is being rude to you, but you're trying to be polite?

    i would tell him flat out, "we already have the bridal party selected, but we'd love it if you could attend as a guest."

    if he has a problem, then maybe he's not as great of a person as you might want him to be.

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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ask him if he's on drugs again, since he's being so aggressive with you.
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  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    Sounds like this dude has some boundary issues. If he's being rude and confrontational about  being a groomsmen to someone he's only been in contact with for a couple of months it might be best if you guys sever ties with him permanently. He screwed up big time in the past and trust and forgiveness need to be earned over time. He clearly doesn't give two hoots about that and just wants what he wants. My spidey senses tell me that he will be back to being a mean, insensitive, douche bag in no time.
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  • cfine51386cfine51386
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for the advice.  He's off drugs for sure, but I think that ElleB87 might be right. He wants what he wants and doesn't understand that he kind of did this to himself. I have been polite but maybe being more direct is what needs to be done. I think he knows that my fiance has always been softer spoken and more likely to give in than I am, which is why he's been hounding him about it. I agree, trust and forgiveness take time and need to be earned which is why I am so uncomfortable having him be a part of the wedding party. 

    I appreciate the help. I don't think I am being a b*tch about this, I think that I have a legitimate issue with him being included considering his history. Thanks for the advice.
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