Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare

Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare

• sierraberry32 member

  

  September 2012

   My understanding of the rehearsal dinner is that it is supposed to be about getting the two families & couple's best friends together to relax and spend some time celebrating in a hopefully pleasant and relaxing way. A time for the happy couple to thank their friends and family for supporting them and being there as they start their new life together. I didn't realize it would be "all about" the selfishness of a couple of ungrateful brats. Clearly there is a major communication problem here and we need to sit down with these two (and probably with our friends also - but separately I think) to further discuss this.
  Posted by evilmotherinlaw[/QUOTE]
  
   Your view of a rehearsal dinner is absolutely correct! I hope you sit your son down and have a talk with him, let him know that just because he is getting married, gives him no reason to act like an ungrateful "spoiled brat". No child should ever talk back to their parents in such a way. And your daughter-in-law posting that on FB, really? How hurtful could she be? 
  
  I know you are filled with emotions right now, I just hope you do the right thing and figure this out. I know for a fact that if I ever said anything like to my parents, they would back hand me and say "goodbye, enjoy planning a wedding without our help!"
  
   Try talking to the parents of you daughter-in-law. Ask them if they have been treated this way as well... You never know if they are helping with this behavior or suffering from it as well.
  

  ~Soon to become Mrs. O'Kane!~

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• Avion22 member

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  A few things jump out at me:

  
  

  1.  You offered to host the rehearsal dinner, but that offer came with strings (that it fit solely into your budget, and not be at their favorite pizzeria).  The couple wasn't happy with the terms of your offer, and declined it, which they are well within their right to do.

  
  

  2.  Of course the couple doesn't want to have a rehearsal dinner at a restaraunt that they hate.  A favorite pizza place is perfectly acceptable for a rehearsal dinner.

  
  

  3.  The bride and groom are acting like absolute idiots about this.  There is no reason to post nasty things, or to threaten to not have a rehearsal dinner at all.   People acting this immature probably aren't mature enough to get married in the first place.

  
  

  Okay, so how can this problem be fixed?   At this point, I think it's best to invite them over for a chat.  Let them know that you regret what has happend up to this point, and while you feel very hurt by their behavior, you would like to start over with planning the rehearsal dinner.   Let them know that you would like to offer to (help) pay up to a a sum of $XXX (whatver you feel comfortable with), and that you would like to be involved in the planning.   Let them know that the pizza place is just fine, if that's what they want to do.  

  

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• Kristin789 member

  

  September 2012

  Of course this whole situation is addressed in RD etiquette:
  
   if the groom's family hosts, you should really let his mom and dad be the creative directors of the evening.   - that's from the link below.
  
  Read more: Wedding Rehearsals: The Basics - Wedding Planning - Rehearsal Dinner http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/wedding-rehearsal-basics.aspx#ixzz26K7UVF8f
  
  Traditionally, plan and host the rehearsal dinner with the groom's dad (plan 6 months before the wedding; host the day before).
  
  Read more: Mother of the Groom: Mother of the Groom Duties in Detail - Bridesmaids Mother of the Bride - Mother of the Bride http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-duties-in-detail.aspx#ixzz26K9IM1ld
  
  So when you first said PICNIC, the couple should have said, "Oh, that's great! Thanks so much."
  
  And when you said OK NO PICNIC - WE'LL HOST IT AT THIS CASUAL FAVORITE RESTAURANT, the couple should have said, "Oh, that's great!  Thanks so much."
  
  And when you said OH NO NOT AT A PIZZARIA, the couple should have said, "Oh, OK then.  We understand that you are hosting the RD - it's the only thing the groom's parents get to host in this entire weekend, and we understand that you need to make the decisions about the RD as well as sign the contracts and pay the bills for the RD.  Thanks so much."
  
  My suggestion is that you and your husband go out to dinner with the bride's parents, and talk about all of this.  Or you could call a meeting for you and your husband and the bride and the groom with the OFFICIANT, so that the officiant can re-set this couple's priorities and respect.
  
  Here in the South, the RD is taken very seriously.  In the past five years, one woman I work with had her son marrying a girl in Vermont, and another woman I know from a charity group had her son marry a girl in Baltimore.  In both cases, the groom's parents planned a four-day weekend to fly up to the wedding town, go to three or four possible RD locations and do tastings and pricings, and then choose one RD location and set the details from napkin color to menu, and then sign the contract. 
  

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• Avion22 member

  

  September 2012

  Please disregard Kristin's comments.  She lives in a different century than the rest of us (and certainly a different century than you son and his fiancee).

  
  

  Stage is correct.  As parents of the groom, you may offer to host the rehearsal dinner, but the couple is well within their right to decline your offer and pay for their own RD.  It is not the "right" of the groom's parents to host the RD.    If they DO accept your offer, then you can dictate some of the terms (though choosing a restaraunt that they hate is pushing it).  Again, the couple can at any point decide that they no longer wish to take advantage of your offer, and decide to host their own rehearsal dinner.   

  
  

  
  

  

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• Kristin789 member

  

  September 2012

  >> It is not the "right" of the groom's parents to host the RD.
  
  No, but she's posted this on the ETIQUETTE board which means that she is soliciting comments from people who know what is traditionally done and what fits with the etiquette of the event.
  
  The links I shared are from the most popular wedding website in 2012 - not some old etiquette book from decades ago.

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  September 2012

  Your son and his FI are indeed behaving like spoiled, childish brats.  I would honestly question whether or not they are mature enough to be getting married.  You would be completely within your rights to pull ALL financial support of the wedding (including the cake) if they cannot figure out how to be mature adults about things they take issue with.  I especially hope that this girl's mother gets wind of that Facebook post and has a little come-to-Jesus meeting with her. 
  
  I also agree that if they don't like what you offer, they are free to plan and pay for it themselves.  However, I don't see the problem having the dinner at the pizza place.  They were considerate of your budget in picking a venue they liked and felt comfortable at. You could certainly tell them that, after talking it over, you would be fine with having the event at the pizza place, but at this point they might think that their tantrums got them their way, and might try to use that tactic again in the future. 

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• evilmotherinlaw

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-offer-some-advice-re-rehersal-dinner-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99275d89-c9a2-4a0e-8a01-4ed58721af6aPost:dce16ea8-3e82-409a-b564-21082facf4ed">Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare</a>:
  
  [QUOTE].  I especially hope that this girl's mother gets wind of that Facebook post and has a little come-to-Jesus meeting with her.  [/QUOTE]
  
  Actually, her mother gave the comment a thumbs up if you can believe it.
  I can only shudder at the thought of what my son must be saying to these people.

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• Avion22 member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-offer-some-advice-re-rehersal-dinner-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99275d89-c9a2-4a0e-8a01-4ed58721af6aPost:fc2ec8b5-d095-4403-8641-987a1156f86c">Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare</a>:
  [QUOTE] />> It is not the "right" of the groom's parents to host the RD. No, but she's posted this on the ETIQUETTE board which means that she is soliciting comments from people who know what is traditionally done and what fits with the etiquette of the event. The links I shared are from the most popular wedding website in 2012 - not some old etiquette book from decades ago.
  Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
  
  
  
  Just because decades ago e groom's family was obligated to host the rehearsal dinner DOES NOT mean that a bride and groom MUST accept the groom's parents' offer to host an RD if it doesn't meat their wishes. I still think the B&G in OP's case are acting like spoiled brats. If they wished to decline they should have done so politely and without all of the negative posts.

  

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• hoffse member

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  OK I disagree about letting go of the facebook thing - I think that's an incredibly crass thing to do.  Some things just shouldn't be said on identifiable forums, and calling your inlaws names is one of those things.  I also can't believe the bride's mother "liked" it - didn't you say you two were neighbors?

  
  

  OP, I also slightly disagree with some of the comments above.  While it would have been nice to consider the restaurant choice fo the bride and groom, you are in no way obligated to pay for something at a place you don't like.  It's your money to spend as you see fit.  Generally, it is probably better to be flexible about these things for the sake of keeping the peace, but if you and your husband don't want to pay for pizza, then don't pay for pizza.  

  
  

  That said, the B&G may POLITELY decline, if your offer doesn't fit their "dream" and they can afford to pay for it themselves.  Key word politely.  What they have done instead is acted like children and have done some incredibly rude and hurtful things.

  
  

  Just putting this out there: my parents are paying for our wedding and ceremony.  It hasn't always been easy.  But if I or my FI had EVER said anything remotely this selfish, my parents would have very quickly pulled out funding altogether.  They have no issue telling me if I'm acting poorly, and consequences have always been severe for me when I act that way my entire life.  I mean, when I was 3 I threw a tantrum at disney world, and they pulled me out of the line to see Mickey Mouse to make me sit in the corner in front of a huge group of people- I actually remember it because I was so mortified (and I didn't get to see Mickey that trip), but I never did that again.  PP is right - if you just cave, this will come back to bite you in the butt because then they will know they can do this to get their way.  Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of control over your DIL, so I would deal with it through your son.  I do know that if my FI were openly rude about them on a public forum, my parents would be done and would not do anything that could result in my FI benefiting from them -  the wedding funding would disappear in an instant.  You need to decide how to deal with this, but personally I think their behavior is atrocious and unacceptable.

  

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• jessicabessica member

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  Echoing the comments to ignore Kristin and accept the pizza restaurant.  I would apologize for all the problems planning (and hopefully they will, too), and then you can either offer to pay a certain amount, or just say something to your son about how you think it will be lovely and will be excited to attend at the pizza place.  If you aren't paying, though, I don't think you should press your son to invite the other family members that you were planning to invite.  

  
  

  Also, as some PPs said, the RD is to host the wedding party after the rehearsal.  If your son and his FI are requiring them to attend a rehearsal, then something really needs to be hosted.  If they think they're playing the martyr with their "oh, no RD for us" line, I would have a serious talk with them.
  
  ETA: As for the FB post, it's ridiculous, but I think it just makes the bride look bad, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

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• Viczaesar member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-offer-some-advice-re-rehersal-dinner-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99275d89-c9a2-4a0e-8a01-4ed58721af6aPost:fc2ec8b5-d095-4403-8641-987a1156f86c">Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare</a>:
  [QUOTE] />> It is not the "right" of the groom's parents to host the RD. No, but she's posted this on the ETIQUETTE board which means that she is soliciting comments from people who know what is traditionally done and what fits with the etiquette of the event. The links I shared are from the most popular wedding website in 2012 - not some old etiquette book from decades ago.
  Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
  Tradition =/= etiquette, Kristin.  You've been around long enough to know that.  There is no etiquette rule that states that the Rehearsal Dinner is the purview of the groom's parents.  And you should also know that the knot's main website is a terrible resource for etiquette, even for issues that are actually about etiquette.

  
  
  
  

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• kaos16 member

  

  September 2012

  I'm sorry, but I call mud on this post too. . . . way to many hot button topics in one post. 
  
  If it's not, I'm sorry your son, FDIL, and the rest are treating you poorly.

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  September 2012

  Agree with PPs that your son and FDIL should not be causing stress over a generous offer.  I agree that they could have handled the situation more diplomatically, but I also think that when you were told that they hate the restaurant you also could have had a more productive conversation about a pizza place compromise.  Their offer to pay for something they would prefer was not totally out of place, and is similar to what DH and I offered to my ILs when their suggestion seemed to be creating more work for everyone.
  
  I think that after a cooling off period, you, your H, your son and your FDIL need to sit down and start over.  Do not bring her parents - or Facebook - into this.  Gently remind them that if they want a rehearsal, they need to provide something for those who attend.   Listen to their reasons for prefering the pizza place and share yours for the other location.  Find out what they have in mind about contributing to offset costs.  You all seem to have the same goal of having a pleasant evening with family and friends, so start there and see where you do agree.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• zantster member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-offer-some-advice-re-rehersal-dinner-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99275d89-c9a2-4a0e-8a01-4ed58721af6aPost:b29cdc77-a142-4290-9989-b2bdd9622307">Re:Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare</a>:
  [QUOTE]Actually, the point to a rehearsal dinner is to treat the people who attend the rehearsal to a meal to thank them for taking the extra time out of their lives to rehearse for the wedding.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  Right! That's what I thought.  But mainly I'm very disturbed with the audacity of OPs son to take that tone and choice of language.  I'm trying to put that to the side though with only one month to go maybe it's just a result of the quickly upcoming nuptials.
  
  I would go with other PPs who suggested a sit down with the OP, husband and son.  OP should communicate her displeasure with the way her son spoke to them and their hopes that he never does that again.  But also that you can see his side in terms of their location preference. 
  
  If you wanted to have it at a place that was both affordable but a bit more elegant than a pizzeria them perhaps you three can compromise and come up with a list of possible places that they don't hate but also won't bust your budget.  That way they have input and you're hosting things the way you want to as well.

  

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• stantokm member

  

  September 2012

  I'd ignore the FB post.  She was venting her frustration.  As inappropriate and hurtful as it was, some people need to vent to feel better.  I'd do my best to look at it as a one-time feeling because you don't want to start off your relationship with her as your daughter-in-law by holding onto hurt and resentment.

  

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• Meegles4 member

  

  September 2012

  I don't think this is MUD, really.
  
  Agree with PPs, especially Stage, Avion, and Cfas. The bride and groom are within their rights to refuse your offer to host the dinner if they don't like the "strings". However, they're being a bit ridiculous in how they're handling it. It really should've been more of a team effort. If they didn't like the place you chose, they should have either accepted it, or said "hey, we're really like to do it at the pizza place and we're willing to pay for it if you feel like it's too much for you." They shouldn't have demanded a venue change and expected you to cover it.
  
  FWIW, I actually don't love the restaurant our RD was at. I had a different one in mind, but it was WAY more expensive so to save my MIL money, I chose this place. It was close to our rehearsal site and could accommodate a group and was relatively cost effective. So that outweighed my distaste for their menu. And you know what? It ended up being pretty good. IMO, this stuff is about compromise. There's lots of factors at play here - finding a site that's close to the rehearsal, that serves food that you all like, that can accommodate the number of people, that is within budget, yada yada yada. You're not going to get perfection. You both need to be more understanding of that and sit down and work it out. That may mean you only pay a portion of the event so they can have it at their desired and more expensive choice, or they suck it up and have it at the "cheaper" venue even if they don't love the food.

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• englishemily

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  Awful behaviour think they were very rude to turn down the offer. Yeah it may be technically OK ettiquette but its rude when your son knows about your circumstances.
  
  All you can do to avoid drama is just go along with this I think, and try to be the better person.
  
  I am tempted to say, discreetly ice "spoiled entitled bitches" into their cake but that really wouldnt be very nice.

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• sarahdactyI member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-offer-some-advice-re-rehersal-dinner-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99275d89-c9a2-4a0e-8a01-4ed58721af6aPost:7738dea0-53cc-4ecf-a2c6-5ef35f9a3ad6">Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please offer some advice re: Rehersal dinner nightmare : Actually, her mother gave the comment a thumbs up if you can believe it. I can only shudder at the thought of what my son must be saying to these people.
  Posted by evilmotherinlaw[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Wow. Definitely don't include the bride's parents, then-- just deal with your son (and his fiancée).</div><div>
  </div><div>While I agree that a couple should feel free to decline the offer to host a RD, it doesn't sound like that's what is happening here-- Son says they're just not going to do *anything*? That seems like he's trying immature tactics to get his way. "FINE we'll just have NO DINNER AT ALL SO THERE." (pause, wait for you to offer to do it his way...) OR they're going to have a rehearsal dinner and not invite his parents/his family? That doesn't seem right. </div><div>
  </div><div>I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your son and his fiancé are behaving this way. I want to give you an internet hug!! It was so kind of you to offer to host the RD, despite your financial concerns; there are so many couples who would be thrilled if the groom's parents offered to host. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, but things have now gotten so tangled that the only thing you can do is take a deep breath and talk in person to clear the air. If they want to host their own RD so that they can have everything their way, they are allowed to do that. It's not how it used to be--and it doesn't give them free reign to be rude to you--but if they've made that decision then you have to let them. I hope it becomes less dramatic very soon!!!</div>

  
  

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• MartinAston member

  

  September 2012

  Uh, I can't believe your son and daughter in law are acting that way. I Don't understand the sense of entitlement people get!? Neither set of parents are helping with our wedding and I never expected them too. Nor would I ask. However, I will say that if my FMIL offered the RD at this restaraunt that she likesit's ohorrible I would have my fiance POLITELY mention something. So I can somewhat understand where they stand as far as the preference of not having it at a place they dislike. If the pizza place is comparitive dollar wise you might just want to consider it so no relationships are spoiled in all this. Weddings are so sticky but their behavior is unacceptable. I think they should have taken the picnic offer in the first place. As far as the Facebook thing goes, I absolutly feel that should be addressed. That is childish and uncalled for.

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• allychase member

  

  September 2012

  That Facebook status she made has me pissed off for you. She is TWENTY FIVE and posting that shittt? I don't even curse on my FB because I have future in laws on there, and to actually POST about my FMIL calling her a b*tch, and "dont mess with a bride" EW who does this girl think she is? The only bride who ever existed? Sounds like a real peach. 

  
  

  My future in laws are paying for our rehearsal dinner and hosting it, and they're having it at a local Italian restaurant near our house. Our first reaction was "great! One less thing we need to worry about' And from there, we'll let them handle the details and just tell us when to show up. The only thing we're doing is giving them our list of immediate family members and SO of bridal party members. 
  
  I feel that if someone is offering to do something for you that is pretty costly, then graciously accept. If they want to do something ABSOLUTELY ridiculous, like go to Burger King or something, then feel free to decline. But your offer sounded extremely generous. 

  
  They are acting like self centered brats, absolutely. It's a shame they aren't more mature for their age. 

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• lyradimer member

  

  September 2012

  As far as the FDIL's Facebook post: "It amazes me that the people who call themselves friends/family can be so selfish and self-centered. Sometimes, it's not all about you. Get over yourself and start thinking of others. #bitches #weddingproblems #seeingthelight #dontmesswithabride" doesn't name anyone specifically. Her mother might have had no idea who it was directed at. Petty and passive aggressive, it was, but her mom was probably just in the "don't mess with my daughter" mode. I just wouldn't hold it against her mother/your friend that she liked it.

  

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• Peledreamsofrain member

  

  September 2012

  Honestly, I'd advise to just wash your hands of this entire circus show he's throwing, and just give them a generous check as a wedding present. Does he deserve it? Nope. But do you deserve years of melodrama? Nope. My inlaws have been going nuts with the RD, and I havn't said a peep to them. I don't necessarily want 50 plus people there, a magician, a live band, a photobooth, etc. But I value the future family relationship more than I value having my way for 5 hours. It's their money, and they are just happy for me.

  Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• Calypso1977 member

  

  September 2012

  i agree with the others, your son is out of line but technically within his rights to pay for the RD himself - we paid for our own (and our wedding too).  but, i am curious as to why you dont want it at the pizzeria?  do you think it will make you look cheap?  lots of people do pizza, espeically if they have enormous WP's and OOT guests who are invited.
  
  

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• evilmotherinlaw

  

  September 2012

  Wow. Thank you all so much for weighing in with your opinions and advice. For those who think this is some sort of made up hoax kind of post (whatever MUDD stands for), its not.  This is very real and is truely happening to us right now.
  
  My husband is so upset by all of this, that at the moment he doesn't feel he can attend the wedding at all - or even wants to now. "It will be too awkward to be around them & her parents after this." he said. Neither of us really slept much the night I posted. The phone call from our son had brought him to tears while on the phone & I think when he went upstaris, he cried. And that just doesn't happen. He is not an emotional guy. My son has no idea what he has done to his father.
  
  Since I am usually the target of my son's disrespect, I was remotely amused that he had directed his attack at his dad this time. His father always sides with him, and leaves me twisting in the wind. He needs to see this disrespectful bastard side of our son that I usually have to deal with alone, but I feel bad knowing he is so deeply hurt.
   
  I planned to call the pastor that will be perorming the ceremony since I worked with her years ago, to see if she could help. Unfortunately, I wasn't home much yesterday, and last evening, my son & his fiancee stopped by unannounced, and caught my husband alone and off guard, before I had a chance to make the call. They are supposed to be doing the same with me (today I think) and I am dreading it.
  
  My husband said he told them how he felt ( feeling awkward & no longer wanting to attend wedding) and said he cried. Son's fiancee cried too. Apparently she was not home when our son made the nasty phone calls and hadn't heard what he said to us. 
  
  It does not sound like they apologized - rather they made excuses.
  
  They say they are feeling very stressed by everything right now (having big problems with bridesmaids who don't like each other) and are upset about things that went wrong at the recent bridal shower (another nightmarish story - bad weather, bridesmaids fighting/not helping & etc.) Maybe that works on dad, but I still don't feel it warrents this behavior or attitude. I'm sorry, but they will not get very far with me if they don't apologize and act sincere about it.
  
  They spoke with the pastor, (damn - beat me to it!) who clearly only heard their side of this, because her advice to them was that "it's your day so you should do what you want". I'm sure she'd be mortified if she heard of how my son has acted and spoken to us. 
  
  They said they are thinking that a rehersal dinner with all these people who are fighting with each other, - lumped together in the same room - will be a disaster. They even said they might call the whole wedding off just get married at the justice of the peace! ( Seems rather extreme to me. This may be more drama to get us to back off & let them have their way and manipulate dad  since my son is like a fish out of water when dealing with parents who are a united front.) I am pondering all this with a cocked eyebrow.
  
  I am afraid I am still too emotinal to handle this well. I am thinking of either sending bride a link to this post or having them read it when they get here before I will talk with them bout this. They need to know that we are not the only ones who feel they hare behaving badly.
  
  I desperately want to go somewhere and not be here! I'll let you know what happens. Thanks again for all your input. I REALLY appreciate it.
  

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• Peledreamsofrain member

  

  September 2012

  Whoa whoa whoa! You're going to link your future daughter in law to an internet forum where all sorts of negative things are said about her? That's downright hateful. I think I know where your son learned his melodrama fits from. Holy Hannah.

  Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• evilmotherinlaw

  

  September 2012

  It's almost midnight here on the east coast & no call or sign of them this evening. Off the hook for tonight I guess. That means they will probably stop by when I'm busy with cakes tomorrow. I think I'll have to let them know not to stop by until after noon. I don't want a scene in front of customers.
  
  Some random thoughts:
  
  I haven't sent a link to this thread, although I think we need some back up regarding our position from SOMEWHERE. It wasn't like I was going to post a link to her facebook page (although I did think about that as a way to prove this is a real situation, but decided against it.) I'm hoping she has had enough sense to delete her comment.
  
  Someone asked what it is about having the RD at the pizza place that I don't like. I feel places like that are "fast food" similar to McDonalds, Burger King etc. I think a RD at a place like that would seem tacky & cheap - in my opinion: an embarrassment. The RDs  I've attended were all at nice restaurants. Only one was a backyard picnic (my own RD) 30 yrs ago. And we did that because we knew my in-laws couldn't afford a fancy sit down dinner.
  
  I think I will tell them that and ask for specific reasons why they "hate" the place we have booked. Then if they have behaved appropriately during the visit, perhaps I can suggest we compromise and come up with a neutral location we can decide on together. If they continue to behave the way they have been, I think I'll just tell them that our 2 offers stand and they can choose to decline and pay for & plan their own RD if they wish.
  
  My husband mentioned tonight that the pastor told them they didn't really need to have a rehersal or a RD since there is nothing about the ceremony that is unusual & couldn't be gone over the day of the wedding on site.
  
  Thanks again for your help everyone.

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