Maid of Honor from Hell... Help?!

Re: Maid of Honor from Hell... Help?!

• whifflegirl

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  I think your mistake lies in taking her with you while you take hours to decide on flowers.  You don't need to take anyone along with you to do that unless it's your FI (I realize yours is states away) or the other person is paying.  It could very well be that she was bored and was just saying, "Pick one already!  The white roses look fine."  I wonder though, if you didn't want her opinion on your wedding, why take her along?  Just because she's your MOH and sister does not mean that she needs to go with you on any planning/vendor trips.  
  

  

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• AutumnFair member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2c2ca357-f65f-430b-a900-c34095a53bfcPost:d7b8363a-5997-4f79-b2b2-79709e022732">Maid of Honor from Hell... Help?!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have a twin sister and let's be honest...at least in my family, all Hell would break loose if she was not in that position. My sister and I have never really gotten a long, we are as different as night and day, and she has made this time in my life the most miserable time. My fiance is a Marine and is Stationed at Camp Pendleton in CA, and I just graduated from college and moved back home with mom and dad ( where she lives too) to plan our wedding. My sister has made this time in my life more stressful than what it ever should be. She gets mad at me for the dumbest things like when we were meeting with the florist she decided on white roses because apparently, me taking my time means that I can't make decisions and sorry to say, but this is MY WEDDING DAY and NOT HERS and if I want to take  hours to decide what flowers I want, I will. She's constantly fighting with me, she's constantly mad at me and my parents are pretty much forcing me to keep her as my MOH because "I may regret it" I have tried to talk to her about her actions and attitude, but I can't decide....do I keep her? Or do I find a friend to take the position that won't cause all of this stress? HELP!!
  Posted by AnthonyandJenny[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Leave it be and stop all wedding discussion with her. She does not need to go with you on your appointments with vendors specially if she is throwing in her opinion that you don't agree with. Even though you FI is away doesn't mean you have to bring someone else along to vendors, your an adult and can go by yourself. That or ask your parents or FILs if they want to come and plan around their schedule. </div><div>
  </div><div>I don't know what if your sister is in a relationship, but I wouldn't be surprise if there isn't some jealousy or sibling rivalry going on. You said you were "forced" into making her MOH, well, you really weren't, you could have stood up to your parents and say "no" but you didn't. So at least own up that you did choose her because you didn't want to erk your parents. </div><div>
  </div><div>Once again, do not share anything wedding related to her. If she asks, then you can answer, but if she gives constant negative opinions just change the subject when she does ask. As for appointments, do not take her. She is not required, and really she sounds like she is trying to stir the pot with you because she is jealous. When you get to dress shopping, ask her for her budget and possible style she wants to wear (same goes with your BMs as well). Then pick something out, tell her the last day to order it and be done with her until the day of the wedding. I know of many knotties on here have terrible sisters that were made MOH, and none kicked them out. So be the bigger person and stick with her. If you kick her out or demote her, it will only cause more drama.</div><div>
  </div>

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• zitiqueen member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2c2ca357-f65f-430b-a900-c34095a53bfcPost:d7b8363a-5997-4f79-b2b2-79709e022732">Maid of Honor from Hell... Help?!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have a twin sister and let's be honest...at least in my family, all Hell would break loose if she was not in that position. My sister and I have never really gotten a long, we are as different as night and day, and she has made this time in my life the most miserable time. My fiance is a Marine and is Stationed at Camp Pendleton in CA, and I just graduated from college and moved back home with mom and dad ( where she lives too) to plan our wedding. My sister has made this time in my life more stressful than what it ever should be. She gets mad at me for the dumbest things like when we were meeting with the florist she decided on white roses because apparently, me taking my time means that I can't make decisions and sorry to say, but this is MY WEDDING DAY and NOT HERS and if I want to take  hours to decide what flowers I want, I will. She's constantly fighting with me, she's constantly mad at me and my parents are pretty much forcing me to keep her as my MOH because "I may regret it" I have tried to talk to her about her actions and attitude, but I can't decide....do I keep her? Or do I find a friend to take the position that won't cause all of this stress? HELP!!
  Posted by AnthonyandJenny[/QUOTE]
  
  I hate it when people blame others for their poor decisions.

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• covejack

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Everything Retread said.  Don't find a friend to "take the position", that's a public slap in the face to your sister.  She's done nothing wrong, and does not deserve to be treated that way.
  
  ETA:  Any post from a bride that includes "IT'S MY WEDDING DAY!!!!" written in all caps has trouble written all over it.  Once you involve others, it ceases to be just your day.

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• AnthonyandJenny member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Don't respond to people's posts if you are going to be rude, you aren't helping at all.

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• Queen Jane member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Don't post on an international message board if all you are looking for is bad-idea-validation.

  Married! In New Orleans BIO

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• Queen Jane member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Also, if you're not thrilled with her, don't take her to meetings. I went by myself to pick out flowers and dud just fine. If you are not sure of what you want, look at lots of pics and discuss options thoroughly, your vendors are professionals and can be very helpful when you are feeling indecisive.

  Married! In New Orleans BIO

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• mandi921vh member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2c2ca357-f65f-430b-a900-c34095a53bfcPost:93042f06-4cae-4c7d-a4a6-020e2a44c7da">Re: Maid of Honor from Hell... Help?!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I understand the frustration and the hurt feelings.  But PPs really have hit the best point.  Do not take her to anything wedding related or talk about anything wedding related.  She needs to be involved with what she is wearing and that's about it. Keep her as your MOH and stop discussing wedding.
  Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This.</div>

  

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• SSaltzman87 member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  I wouldn't involve her in any more of the planning/ vendor appointments. There's no reason that she has to be uber involved, and probably doesn't want to be. My sister is my MOH too, she has yet to be involved in any planning, and it wouldn't be any different if she actually lived near me. Honestly, vendor appointments are SUPER boring if they're not for your event- so I can definitely see her frustration in you taking your time picking flowers.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Everyone has pretty much covered it.  If she is going to be your MOH, she needs to know what dress to wear, where the wedding and pics will be, and what time to be there.
  
  Do not involve her in your vendor meetings.  If mom isn't understanding that, then sit her down and explain what you have said to us.

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• simplestlife member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  My MOH is my best friend of 19 years. She does not give crap about wedding stuff. As a result, I do not involve her in wedding stuff. I love her to death, and she loves me and will be there on my wedding day, but I knew what I could expect from her before I asked her. If I need advice, I look on the message boards here, or I call my mom, or I ask my non-wedding party friends who seem interested.

  
  

  You knew what to expect with your sister before she became your MOH. People don't magically change just because you've decided to get married. I understand you're frustrated, but you need to change your expectations. I agree with what everyone else is saying. Stop asking her to come along on your wedding errands.

  

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