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Thoughts on cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres

meg14laxmeg14lax
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We are planning a Friday evening wedding.  The cermony is at 630 at the same site as the reception.  The hotel is also on the property for travleling guests.  We have bounced back and forth between a sit down meal and now considering another route.  While the bridal party is taking pictures,  there will  be a cocktail hour with certain appetizers handed out by servers and our signature cocktail..along with the wine and beer bar.   Once the bridal party walks in, a classy buffet style table will open with high end hors d'oeuvres like stuffed mushrooms, seafoods, imported cheeses, and so on.  Is this acceptable or bad etiquette??  I do not want to lose the eligant and classy theme. 
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Re: Thoughts on cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres

  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    That's perfectly fine, but I'd maybe add a meat item. You want to make sure that there is enough food for people to get a full meal out of it, even if the meal consists of many different small bites. 
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think you need meat if you don't want to serve it, but you do need enough variety and quantity of hors d'oeurves on the buffet that people can make a meal of it, since it will be dinner time.
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  • ski2playski2play member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    Agree with previous posters on adding a meat.  We are having a cocktail party type reception without a sit down meal.  There will be food stations situated around the reception with servers passing other hors d'oeuvres.  We are serving a roasted pig and turkeys, rolls and condiments will be available if someone wants to make a sandwich.   Also, we are serving bite size ceasar's salads, stuffed mushrooms, grilled scallops wrapped in bacon, petitte lobsters, chilled shrimp cocktails, cheese and crackers, spinach dip mini bread bowls, prosciutto wrapped mac and cheese cups, carrots and celery cups with ranch dip, and some other items I am sure I am forgetting.

    Happy Planning!
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    As long as you have enough food to be considered a meal it sounds good.   I suggest having a good variety of different foods.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • meg14laxmeg14lax
    First Comment
    Thanks for your thoughts so far!! I'm hoping guests eat something small before the ceremony, but the cocktail hour should help hold them over until the "good stuff" becomes available.  We'll definately be having some meet options as well.  When I mentioned it to my mom she took it as guests possibly calling us cheap.  The budget isn't the issue though...I just thought it would save time so everyone can just munch and dance and enjoy the celebration instead of a more formal sitdown.  I peronsally don't really eat the meals at weddings..plus they are usually typical chicken or pasta....this way we can spend the money on delicious scallops and shrimp and little steak bites...those gourmet bites!

    Keep your imputs coming : ) 
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  • meg14laxmeg14lax
    First Comment
    With a ceremony at 630 would my guests be expecting a meal?  Clearly it will be stated in the invitation, but the plan is it not to be a meal.  We will definately have plenty of food with a big variety, but once the cocktail hour is over it will be nearly 8 pm...with dancing until 11.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-on-cocktails-and-hors-doeuvres?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4e1bc6f-90c9-4a06-82f4-5572552711e9Post:97abc99d-d3bc-4195-b960-57146c5a798b">Re: Thoughts on cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for your thoughts so far!! I'm hoping guests eat something small before the ceremony, but the cocktail hour should help hold them over until the "good stuff" becomes available.  We'll definately be having some meet options as well.  When I mentioned it to my mom she took it as guests possibly calling us cheap.  The budget isn't the issue though...I just thought it would save time so everyone can just munch and dance and enjoy the celebration instead of a more formal sitdown.  I peronsally don't really eat the meals at weddings..plus they are usually typical chicken or pasta....this way we can spend the money on delicious scallops and shrimp and little steak bites...those gourmet bites! Keep your imputs coming : ) 
    Posted by meg14lax[/QUOTE]

    Personally I would not think about eating anything before a 6:30 wedding (actually any wedding for that matter).   I'm always early so I would be there around 6:15, add in travel time getting ready, etc.  It would not occur to me to eat before hand.   I eat after 7 most nights anyway. Plus I've never attended a wedding that didn't provide a meal or at least enough food to be considered a meal regardless of the time of day.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I'd also consider this a meal time. I wouldn't eat dinner before 6pm, so I'd be hungry by the time the reception comes around.

    I don't think anyone will find you cheap by not having a sit down dinner - if you didn't have enough food to go around, I wouldn't think cheap, but I might think poor planning, ya know? Just make sure there are plenty of options for people to fill up on. 
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't think to eat before a 6:30 wedding. Like Lynda, I usually don't eat until 7pm or later anyway. However, as long as you have a ton of options and enough food to make it feel like a meal then I would be good. I would also second the meat request. People are going to want something filling and not everyone likes seafood etc. For example, my H hates cheese and most veggies and salads. He would fill up on any meat appetizer you had though. 
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-on-cocktails-and-hors-doeuvres?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4e1bc6f-90c9-4a06-82f4-5572552711e9Post:59562c01-d14a-4870-9c9d-8828dfbc9e0c">Re: Thoughts on cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres</a>:
    [QUOTE]With a ceremony at 630 would my guests be expecting a meal?  Clearly it will be stated in the invitation, but the plan is it not to be a meal.  We will definately have plenty of food with a big variety, but once the cocktail hour is over it will be nearly 8 pm...with dancing until 11.
    Posted by meg14lax[/QUOTE]

    Yes, with a ceremony at 6:30, your guests will expect a meal.  That does not mean your new plan will not suffice; it simply means it will be somewhat unexpected.
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  • Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Your going to need a lot of appetizers to make up for a meal.  You wouldn't want people departing early because they need to go eat.
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I would MUCH prefer a reception like you are having to a sit-down meal of rubbery wedding chicken. As for looking cheap, anyone who has priced these things out will know that you don't save money AT ALL on a meal like this. Scallops and shrimp and steak bites? Yes please. Just make sure that you have enough to constitute a full meal and you will be fine.
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  • myname1234myname1234
    500 Comments
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-on-cocktails-and-hors-doeuvres?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4e1bc6f-90c9-4a06-82f4-5572552711e9Post:6b51b960-3c6a-4491-bf66-a62fad095055">Thoughts on cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are planning a Friday evening wedding.  The cermony is at 630 at the same site as the reception.  The hotel is also on the property for travleling guests.  We have bounced back and forth between a sit down meal and now considering another route.  While the bridal party is taking pictures,  there will  be a cocktail hour with certain appetizers handed out by servers and our signature cocktail..along with the wine and beer bar.   Once the bridal party walks in, a classy buffet style table will open with high end hors d'oeuvres like stuffed mushrooms, seafoods, imported cheeses, and so on.  Is this acceptable or bad etiquette?? <strong>I do not want to lose the eligant and classy theme. 
    </strong>Posted by meg14lax[/QUOTE]

    I think what you have planned is totally acceptable.  I would, however, assume your guests <strong>have not eaten</strong> ahead of time.  If you do the math, people would most likely being getting ready and driving by 5:00.  I don't see anyone stopping for McDonald's on the way to a wedding.

     To go back to your bold point, to me (just my opinion here!!) elegant and classy don't go along with buffet...no matter what the food choices are.  I tend to put that hand-in-hand with the formal  butlered-service type meal.      I'm all for a good buffet.  It allows your guests the ability to chose what they want and how much.  But even if the entire line up was lobster, filet mignon and caviar, I'm still shlepping my own plate around.

    ETA:  as a guest, i would hands down prefer your option though.  
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  • shawnandlaurenshawnandlauren member
    10 Comments
    Imported cheese station?  LOVE IT.  I may have to steal this idea.
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  • meg14laxmeg14lax
    First Comment
    yea it wont be a buffet.  the cocktail hour will have servers walking around with certain options and our signature cocktail.  the hors' doeuver part will begin once the bridal party is announced, first dance is done, and cake is cut.  im not a buffet fan and also invisioned a sit down dinner. a formal dinner.  so i will do whatever i can to make it not look buffet style.  we'll have high top tables a set-up without the "typical buffet look."  I just thought it would give our reception something different than the traditional "okay food" that just takes time away from the dancing and mingeling.  based on popular opinion, i won't assume people will eat. but there will be PLENTY of food with PLENTY of options for everyone.  I think between the cocktail hour and this portion of the evening, that muching on delicious bite-size foods and drinking that people would be content and ready to party!  and of course, the hors d'oeuvers tables will still be available for a good part of the evening if they want to go back for some more!  Plus there is a huge display of sweets and cake. 
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    People will want a meal and will prob be expecting it and you should provide it. I would feel awful if I knew that my guests didn't feel like they had enough to eat at my wedding.
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