LEAVE OUT DRUG-ADDICTED STEP BROTHER?
Do y'all think it would be OK to exclude my fiance's drug-addict step-brother from our wedding?
Details:
Fiance has not been close to step-bro, "Leroy" for the last 10 years (when the drugs began).
"Leroy" is currently on parole, but violoating his parole as he (we've heard from "sources") still on drugs.
I have only met "Leroy" once and he may not remember me, as he was high at the time.
Fiance has another step-brother, "Matt" who will be in the wedding party.
The two step-brothers are close, although "Matt" does not approve of "Leroy's" lifestyle and has put in much effort to get him to sober up.
"Matt" is always pleading with Fiance and other family members to give "Leroy" "just one more chance."
"Leroy" will likely arrive high or tweaking or something.
Opinions please!
Re: LEAVE OUT DRUG-ADDICTED STEP BROTHER?
No but really, maybe you should ask your fiance for his input. He's his step brother, not yours.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
Engaged Married
Fiance's step-dad and mom are as torn as we are. We kind of go through this for every holliday that Leroy is not spending locked up. Usually in those situations we just wait until the day before to make up our minds, and see if he's back on the 12 step. I'm just afraid to send him an invite if he's sober when he could fall back of the wagon any day. (He's as up and down as a rollercoaster.)
But y'all are right, no need to fret about it yet.
But ditto everyone else, it's your FI's call.
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Guess you just have to go with your gut on this one. This day is about YOU AND YOUR FI, no one else.
Im in almost the same boat that you are in. I have 2 tep brothers that are into drug/in and out of jail all the time. My FH and I didnt want to invite them at all. However, my mom and stepfather said that we had to. Later that night I was talking to my FH and his BM and I broke down. Said that they were going to ruin my entire wedding day! Now the FH and I have arranged to have a few the groomsmen act as our bouncers! (Since it is more then just my step brothers that I was worried about!) I talked to my MOH about it and she said invited them, they probably wont show up anyways!
Wishing you luck!
Consider your FI's feelings, and weigh the pro's and con's.
Also, don't let his step brother "Matt"' 's opinion influence you b/c it's YOUR day, not his.
Like many others we're in a similar situation with my FI's brother. My FI doesn't want him invited but his family does. It's really frustrating because they're not doing anything to help with the wedding but they want their son there, despite the fact that he hates my FI and has verbally attacked us on more than one occassion (in emails, facebook, etc). He has some mental health issues which the rest of the family is pretending they don't see and, to be honest, I'm afraid for the physical safety of myself and my guests.
He's also really anti-religion and anti-establishment. I'm very religious and a number of my friends are involved in the police force and goverment jobs. He has a tendancy to say really rude things to people who hold views he doesn't share.
My FIs plan is to say that he's not invited unless he gets help for his psychological problems. He's setting up a lot of rules which I think are sort of patronizing. I would prefer to say that we're not inviting him because his actions and words in the past suggest that he would not be comfortable at the wedding and that we can't trust him not to make a scene. I know that this will severe any ties we have with him, but he's not the type of person we want around our future children.
My ultimate thoughts are that a wedding isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card. You don't get invited just because you're part of the family. You get invited because you're someone who is willing to stand up and say, "I will support and nurture this relationship. The people who are getting married are people who I love and wish to celebrate, to grow with on this special day."
To the original poster, I think your FI asked you to check online because he wants to defer the agency involved in this decision to someone else. I think that's a good idea. There's a lot of stress around saying to a family member that they can't come. It's not a step to take lightly, but it is a step you should feel justified to take given your circumstances. I think it's a decision you need to make together and I think walking this journey of making a difficult decision together will help you grow as a couple.
Good luck and remember no matter what you're wedding will be great because the people there do love you and want to support your love!
Everyone has someone they don't want to be at their wedding and some how they end up there. Ahhhhh. I am going through the same thing right now.
My FI has a brother who has been on probation for the last few years due to numerous DUI's and being caught with all kinds of drugs as well. He felt pressured to put this brother IN the wedding so he did but is now worried that he won't show, as he claims plane tickets are too expensive (which is funny, considering he was just out here partying with friends less than a month ago...).
ugh.
Thank you again Girls! We knew y'all could help!
My FI's brother has had addiction problems for years - mostly alcohol. In the 9 years we've been together, I've seen him about a handful of times. Their relationship isn't the best - but then my FI doesn't have a great relationship with MOST of his family. I knew that he would invite him - via their mother, cause she's about the only one who would know his whereabouts. I broached the topic about having him at the wedding and FI immediately stated that if his brother, or anyone for that matter, causes trouble they will be removed. Works for me!
Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. - Richard Bach