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Not Engaged Yet
mennon
member
Is This Weird?
My S.O. and I have been together for over 2 years. We're completely in love. We're not engaged yet, because of finances (We're both in school, we know what rings we want and the prince so we're saving for those.), but we've started coming up with ideas and planning. (We're not looking at a long engagment)
The thing is...I don't know what I want? I can't picture how I want my wedding to go. We've talked about the easy stuff like what colors to use (Blues, silver, and gold) We've talked about flowers (I like Calla and/or roses something elegant, but he likes simple flowers like Daisies) We've talked about who we would want there (His immediate family, my immediate family, and only our closest friends.), but I can't think of where we would get married (neither one of us are really church goers. We're both Baptist, but my mother and her family are catholic, and under my mother's stipulations I must get married in a church.) I can't even think of a good wedding date! (Do we get married on the anniversary of the day we started dating? I don't want it to be too close to my brother's anniversary. Is an Ohio winter too cold for a weddding?) I know we want to wait until after he gradautes from College (December '11) and after he gets out of basic training (hopefully he goes into the military right after graduation) I can't think of where to have the wedding and reception (His home town or mine, the city we're we met and have lived most of our relationship, or somewhere in between our families since they live three hours a part, should we get married somewhere in between?)
I know almost every woman has fantasized about her wedding at least once since she was a little girl, but I honestly never thought I would get this far with a man in my life! but I found Stefan and honestly I just want to marry him. I don't want to go through the stress of planning and who's coming and who isn't, who would be offended if I didn't invite them and who won't care if I invited them. I have a huge family (six siblings, fifteen aunt's and uncle's, and an un countable number of cousins, that my mother would insist on inviting.) My invites would my invites would almost double his.
We just recently talked about how we would do our wedding and I kind of thought of a different way to do it (If this is different?), but I'm thinking we should get married with just the closest family (siblings, parents, grandparents and a few very close friends), go on our honeymoon, and then have a reception with everyone later. He likes the idea, but I'm sure my family will have something to say about it or they won't like it or people would get offended because they only got invited to the reception and not the wedding. How do I please everyone
The thing is...I don't know what I want? I can't picture how I want my wedding to go. We've talked about the easy stuff like what colors to use (Blues, silver, and gold) We've talked about flowers (I like Calla and/or roses something elegant, but he likes simple flowers like Daisies) We've talked about who we would want there (His immediate family, my immediate family, and only our closest friends.), but I can't think of where we would get married (neither one of us are really church goers. We're both Baptist, but my mother and her family are catholic, and under my mother's stipulations I must get married in a church.) I can't even think of a good wedding date! (Do we get married on the anniversary of the day we started dating? I don't want it to be too close to my brother's anniversary. Is an Ohio winter too cold for a weddding?) I know we want to wait until after he gradautes from College (December '11) and after he gets out of basic training (hopefully he goes into the military right after graduation) I can't think of where to have the wedding and reception (His home town or mine, the city we're we met and have lived most of our relationship, or somewhere in between our families since they live three hours a part, should we get married somewhere in between?)
I know almost every woman has fantasized about her wedding at least once since she was a little girl, but I honestly never thought I would get this far with a man in my life! but I found Stefan and honestly I just want to marry him. I don't want to go through the stress of planning and who's coming and who isn't, who would be offended if I didn't invite them and who won't care if I invited them. I have a huge family (six siblings, fifteen aunt's and uncle's, and an un countable number of cousins, that my mother would insist on inviting.) My invites would my invites would almost double his.
We just recently talked about how we would do our wedding and I kind of thought of a different way to do it (If this is different?), but I'm thinking we should get married with just the closest family (siblings, parents, grandparents and a few very close friends), go on our honeymoon, and then have a reception with everyone later. He likes the idea, but I'm sure my family will have something to say about it or they won't like it or people would get offended because they only got invited to the reception and not the wedding. How do I please everyone
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is This Weird?
[QUOTE]My S.O. and I have been together for over 2 years. We're completely in love. We're not engaged yet, because of finances (We're both in school, we know what rings we want and the prince so we're saving for those.) , but we've started coming up with ideas and planning. ( We're not looking at a long engagment)
The thing is...I don't know what I want? I can't picture how I want my wedding to go. We've talked about the easy stuff like what colors to use (Blues, silver, and gold) We've talked about flowers (I like Calla and/or roses something elegant, but he likes simple flowers like Daisies) We've talked about who we would want there (His immediate family, my immediate family, and only our closest friends. ), but I can't think of where we would get married (neither one of us are really church goers. We're both Baptist, but my mother and her family are catholic, and under my mother's stipulations I must get married in a church.) I can't even think of a good wedding date! (Do we get married on the anniversary of the day we started dating? I don't want it to be too close to my brother's anniversary. Is an Ohio winter too cold for a weddding?) I know we want to wait until after he gradautes from College (December '11) and after he gets out of basic training (hopefully he goes into the military right after graduation ) I can't think of where to have the wedding and reception (His home town or mine, the city we're we met and have lived most of our relationship, or somewhere in between our families since they live three hours a part, should we get married somewhere in between?)
I know almost every woman has fantasized about her wedding at least once since she was a little girl, but I honestly never thought I would get this far with a man in my life! but I found Stefan and honestly I just want to marry him. I don't want to go through the stress of planning and who's coming and who isn't, who would be offended if I didn't invite them and who won't care if I invited them. I have a huge family (six siblings, fifteen aunt's and uncle's, and an un countable number of cousins, that my mother would insist on inviting.) My invites would my invites would almost double his.
We just recently talked about how we would do our wedding and I kind of thought of a different way to do it (If this is different?), but I'm thinking we should get married with just the closest family (siblings, parents, grandparents and a few very close friends), go on our honeymoon, and then have a reception with everyone later. He likes the idea, but I'm sure my family will have something to say about it or they won't like it or people would get offended because they only got invited to the reception and not the wedding. How do I please everyone
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '49f18e76-ef67-4ba8-a3b6-fd71788263e8', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/3/49f18e76-ef67-4ba8-a3b6-fd71788263e8.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
A. Get engaged. That can be whatever you two deem it to be. You do not need a ring to be engaged. You just need an agreement that you are engaged.
2. You do not need to be thinking about what date you are going to get married. You do not need to figure out your guest list. You do not need to worry about the location. You just don't. Get the horse first.
Blah. You are talking about having a wedding and then a reception. Why split them up? Basically, you are saying that one group is close enough to see you get married and the other group isn't close enough for that, but you just want to party with them and get gifts. Generally, this is frowned upon.
Enjoy your relationship. Treasure this time. Stop overanalyzing the future. You do not need to plan now. You do not need to make any of these decisions now. WHEN you get engaged, you can start thinking about these things. WHEN that times comes, you do not need to please everyone. That is impossible. You need to do what is best for you and your then-fiance. Follow etiquette. Be gracious to your guests. But stop with the trying to please everyone. If you don't want to get married in a church, then don't. If you don't want everyone and their mother there, don't invite them. But don't have a separate reception because of it.
P.S. You do not need a long engagement to plan a great wedding. This is not an excuse to start planning now. My engagement was 6 months and 6 days exactly. Sapphire pulled off a fabulous wedding in 4 months.
Okay, so it sounds like you're really excited and also, you're really stressing out. I know what you mean about trying to please everyone. It's rough! You have to be considerate of your guests, but also do what works for you and your SO. I haven't had to plan a wedding yet, but I know from friends' experiences that it's a juggling act everyone has to deal with. Weddings are as much about family as they are about the people getting married.
That said, do you and your SO consider yourselves engaged? If not, you have plenty of time to chill out. You don't need to nail down an invite plan, a venue, or anything else until you two are engaged. Which is good news; you can just enjoy what you have now, and not have to stress. When the time comes to plan a wedding, I would advise you enlist the help of your mom, aunt, grandmother, older sister, or other trusted family member to help you figure out what to do about family-invite stuff. They know your family better than we do!
I'd also advise you to read the Welcome post near the top of this board that says "Please read before posting," and soon!
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
BREEEAAATHE!!!
[QUOTE]My S.O. and I have been together for over 2 years. We're completely in love. We're not engaged yet, because of finances (We're both in school, <strong>we know what rings we want and the prince</strong> so we're saving for those.)
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
NO WAY! An engagement prince?! That so beats a pony.
But in all seriousness, I think Mutley hit every nail on the head.
Seriously. You aren't engaged yet. You said so yourself. Therefore, there is no wedding to plan. Stop thinking about all of this <u>until you're engaged.</u> Go read the intro thread at the top of the board.
So to answer your question: yes, it's weird.
[QUOTE]My S.O. and I have been together for over 2 years. We're completely in love. We're not engaged yet, because of finances (We're both in school, we know what rings we want and the prince so we're saving for those.) , but we've started coming up with ideas and planning. ( We're not looking at a long engagment) The thing is...I don't know what I want? I can't picture how I want my wedding to go. We've talked about the easy stuff like what colors to use (Blues, silver, and gold) We've talked about flowers (I like Calla and/or roses something elegant, but he likes simple flowers like Daisies) We've talked about who we would want there (His immediate family, my immediate family, and only our closest friends. ), but I can't think of where we would get married (neither one of us are really church goers. We're both Baptist, but my mother and her family are catholic, and under my mother's stipulations I must get married in a church.) I can't even think of a good wedding date! (Do we get married on the anniversary of the day we started dating? I don't want it to be too close to my brother's anniversary. Is an Ohio winter too cold for a weddding?) I know we want to wait until after he gradautes from College (December '11) and after he gets out of basic training (hopefully he goes into the military right after graduation ) I can't think of where to have the wedding and reception (His home town or mine, the city we're we met and have lived most of our relationship, or somewhere in between our families since they live three hours a part, should we get married somewhere in between?) I know almost every woman has fantasized about her wedding at least once since she was a little girl, but I honestly never thought I would get this far with a man in my life! but I found Stefan and honestly I just want to marry him. I don't want to go through the stress of planning and who's coming and who isn't, who would be offended if I didn't invite them and who won't care if I invited them. I have a huge family (six siblings, fifteen aunt's and uncle's, and an un countable number of cousins, that my mother would insist on inviting.) My invites would my invites would almost double his. We just recently talked about how we would do our wedding and I kind of thought of a different way to do it (If this is different?), but I'm thinking we should get married with just the closest family (siblings, parents, grandparents and a few very close friends), go on our honeymoon, and then have a reception with everyone later. He likes the idea, but I'm sure my family will have something to say about it or they won't like it or people would get offended because they only got invited to the reception and not the wedding. How do I please everyone
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>JIC</div><div>
</div><div>Clam yourself young grasshopper. You are not engaged. These are things you worry about after that. You have until like what, May 2012 until he is even near done with basic? Then you don't know where you will be station or where life will take you. </div><div>
</div><div>The reason you can't decide things likes dates is because there is no way for you to know where you will be in 1 year. </div><div>
</div><div>I understand, you want to get married, sound like fun. But it sounds like you have some stuff to take care of first. Stop planning, stop thinking about it, and your life will be much more blissful. Enjoy the here and now.
</div>
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
Don't use the planner excuse. I'm a planner too, but this is one thing you DON'T and shouldn't pre-plan. Plan everything else under the sun but don't plan a wedding before you're engaged. Unless you're a wedding planner.
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
The old "I'm a planner' excuse. <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '398dc4a5-573d-42bb-820c-b4f3178fd382', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/2/398dc4a5-573d-42bb-820c-b4f3178fd382.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '398dc4a5-573d-42bb-820c-b4f3178fd382', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>so predictable.
</div>
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
The engagement period will allow you plenty of time to be your fantastic planning self! Seriously, it will.
I'm not engaged, either. I went through a little phase where I was thinking way too much about my wedding a few months back. Most of us on this board did, and that's how we all ended up here. And it was fun for awhile. Then I started lurking on this board and realized I was getting way ahead of myself, and now the idea of planning anything until I've got that ring on my finger is, like I've said in the past, like thinking about shopping for a new bikini in the dead of winter: frustrating! In both cases (bikini and wedding), you never know what pretty new styles might come out, what your budget will look like down the road, etc.
You might feel like an engagement is coming soon; but maybe to your BF, "soon" means in a year or so! Last summer, I was POSITIVE my BF was going to propose by Christmas. And now I know it will probably be at least a year or year and a half until we're seriously thinking about that.
Have you read the Welcome/Please read before posting thread yet?
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is This Weird? : the idea of planning anything until I've got that ring on my finger is, like I've said in the past, like thinking about <strong>shopping for a new bikini in the dead of winter</strong>: frustrating! In both cases (bikini and wedding), you never know what pretty new styles might come out, what your budget will look like down the road, etc.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
Damn it. Guess I should go return that new thong....
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is This Weird? : Damn it. Guess I should go return that new thong....
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]
You're the exception. You'll be in St. Lucia in <strong>8 DAYS</strong>!!!!
[QUOTE]Marely you always take my sarcastic thoughts and put them nicely for n00bs. Thanks for being sweet, hun.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
LOL. You are welcome. I just like to be polite and welcoming, while still making my point. I figure it'll help more that way. The newbs might stick around, ya know? The reason I stuck around after my first haphazard post is because I was encouraged to. So I try to do the same for other newbs with some good ol'-fashioned hospitality. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
Really? You're a planner?
Stop it, Ladies! She's a planner. She's good. No one's EVER told us that before.
Yeah, OP, you just walked in to a room full of procrastinators.
Like nails on a chalkboard.
[QUOTE]BUT GUYS, I'M A PLLLLAAAAAAAAAANNNNNERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!1!!!!11! Like nails on a chalkboard.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
<div>*twitch twitch*</div>
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
You're not engaged. You're still in school. That means you likely don't have a job to support your marriage in the long term. And if you can't support your marriage, you can't support your kids. And trust me, I don't want to teach those kids. Please don't make me.
(for the record: I love all my students, but the ones with parents that can't support them are a lot harder than those with parents who planned accordingly)
[QUOTE]<strong>You can plan a wedding in like 2 days.</strong> Calm down. You're not engaged. You're still in school. That means you likely don't have a job to support your marriage in the long term. And if you can't support your marriage, you can't support your kids. And trust me, I don't want to teach those kids. Please don't make me. (for the record: I love all my students, but the ones with parents that can't support them are a lot harder than those with parents who planned accordingly)
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]
This is true. I have a cousin who did this. She called up my aunts, uncles, and grandparents in the area on a Monday and said, "Hey, what are you guys doing Wednesday night?"
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
[QUOTE]I understand I'm getting ahead of myself, but I plan. I'm a planner. I plan days, I plan trips, I plan visits with friends. I like to have some kind of blue print before I get into anything. I appreciate all of the advice and I'm going to chill out, but I just wanted some insight. Thank you.
Posted by mennon[/QUOTE]
Fantastic! So once you <strong>get engaged</strong>, you'll be one of those brides that can plan in 3 months or less! Not me, this stuff is taking me the entirety of my 16 month long engagement to plan...I have so much on my plate with work & school, I need all the time I can get.
Completed 2012 Races: Cupid's Chase 5k Feb. 11th: 26:20, Donovan's Run 5k March 10th: 25:00, Statesman Cap 10k March 25th: 57:19
Upcoming: Komen Race for the Cure 10k May 12th (SA)
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]In Response to Is This Weird? : NO WAY! An engagement prince?! That so beats a pony.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
I just died laughing.
That's my advice. Even for planners.