Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous

jenferian · December 2012

I've gone back and fourth with the Catholic church over the years, I'll be honest.

For better or for worse, the Catholic Church is my family. I don't like to imagine not being married within a Catholic Church, as it'd feel like eloping. For me personally, I feel like when you marry, you don't just marry your beloved--you marry each other's families, too. We are both cracle Catholics and we want our family there: God the father, the Catholic church, the Priest, and our families.

With all of that said...

I'm divorced (legal/non-Catholic/non-religious wedding when I was 23; it lasted 7 months) and I live with my FI. I'd be lying if I didn't feel guilty about the latter, but not enough to move out and live separately like I'm sure the priest will suggest on Monday.

I'll be honest: I have conflicting feelings about a Catholic wedding. I want my family there (read: Catholic church) but that the same time, I just don't want to feel bad or ugly about being divorced and living with my FI. Also, I only recently moved to Maryland and do not have a regular church; I selected this Catholic church because it's near the venue I want to have the reception at.

A few months ago, I began RCIA classes because I wanted to be confirmed (I've received the holy communion and been baptized, but never went for confirmation). I was really enjoying the classes and feeling good about being confirmed. Then two things happened: one, the director of the class referred to my first marriage as an "aberration" (in our initial counseling session, I filled out a form and marked the "divorced" check box; she told me I could fill out some paperwork with the Archdiocese to erase that "aberration"), then when I complained to a very Catholic friend of mine, she told me I should seriously rethink being confirmed because I lived with my FI and I was blatantly defying the Church.

Both of those really stung. Like I said, I view the Church as my family. I was attempting to grow closer within my family by being confirmed and was really enjoying the process...and then, then I felt like I was being told I wasn't good enough.

Anyway. Just wondering if anyone else had encountered the same conflicting feelings and what they did to resolve them.

I meet with the priest on Monday. I've already been completely upfront. When I called to inquire about a wedding, I told the church admin that I was divorced (never received sacrament of marriage), I lived with my FI, and I did not belong to that church and I did not attend mass regularly. If he doesn't think we should be married with the church, then that seals it.

I've heard priests will travel to give blessings at civil unions. I guess we'll just have to go that route.a

bibliophile2010 · December 2012

In my experience, priests offering blessings at civil weddings is exceedingly rare. I don't even think it is allowed. All things considered, though, I can't imagine that a priest would turn you away.

You will be required to seek an annulment, but based on what you've told us (mainly that you are baptized Catholic, but only had a civil marriage), you should qualify for the shorter lack-of-form procedure (which is probably what was poorly described as correcting the aberration). You may not be able to set a date until this is completed, simply because it is hard to predict how long the process will take.

I've never heard of anyone being turned away from marriage because they live with their fiance. You may, however, be asked to consider moving out or living as brother and sister until the wedding or encouraged to think carefully about chaste living.

I would encourage you to continue in your RCIA classes and complete your confirmation. Along the way, I would really encourage you to learn the WHYs of the faith, and to learn them with adult understanding and eyes. Open your mind and heart to the Holy Spirit, and you will, hopefully, come to a better place with the Church.

Edited for weird early-morning brain misfunctions.

agapecarrie · December 2012

Just like the government has certain laws regarding marriage, so does the church. Your Baptism makes you a member, which bounds you to follow the rules of the church with your sacraments, mainly having correct form and matter. (Based on what you tell us), since you didn't follow that form, that makes it invalid.

You say you feel guilty about living with your fiance. Perhaps that might be God whispering in your ear that He wants you to love Him more, and asking you to make sure your priorities are straight, that you aren't putting your fiance, or the convenience of the lifestyle ahead of Him.

Perhaps you can consider stopping sexual relations and moving to a separate room. Or just living with a friend, or a family in the parish until your wedding. Remember, God is only offended by things we do that harm us...so pre-marital sex is just not good for you, and its not loving to your fiance---caring for his soul.

gjlader · December 2012

Hi Jen,

I couldn't help but notice that we are sort-of neighbors, I am in northern VA. I am new to the faith, so I don't have a lot of (as in any) advice for you. I do know that, especially when you have recently moved to a new area, it's easy to feel out of place and judged by the people around you. I am happy that you feel drawn to the Church. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to message me.

On more thing: Is it possible that these issues that you feel sore about are issues that were bothering you before anyone said anything? I only ask because I have been through that and it doesn't feel good at all. I will be praying for you.

Riss91 · December 2012

Jen - welcome!!

I think you've gotten some pretty sound advice already! I think it is important to recognize that not every Catholic, even those that are lay persons/priests have the right words and knowledge to properly advise you. Calling your first marriage an aberration wasn't the best choice. Try not to hold on to those indiscretions - we all have them!

I applaud you for going through RCIA and I very much disagree with your friend that implied you aren't a good fit for it simply for living with your FI. Yes, living in sin is in fact.... a sin. BUT, we are all sinners, we all commit sins. If anyone who committed a sin were "ineligible" for RCIA, there would be no one in the classes!

I think RCIA will help you to better understand many of the aspects of the Church that you haven't felt comfortable with. It will strengthen your beliefs. I also encourage you to ask questions here - as many ladies here have been in your shoes with Church doctrine (including myself). Sometimes it helps to talk it out.

I wish you all the best in your marriage prep - like pp said - your short-form annulment should be the priority at this point. Feel free to ask questions here - tons of experience in dealing with this stuff on this board!

agapecarrie · December 2012

One cannot go to confession if they are not sorry, which includes a firm purpose of ammendment. This is why those who are in irregular marriages cannot be absolved, (unless they abstain from sexual relations). Because they don't intend to rectify the situation.

Living together is the same type of situation. The priest can't absolve the sin if there is no intention of amending the situation, so its actually correct that someone can't receive the sacraments in this situation.

Riss91 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:b15d1394-652f-4ad4-82bf-b3c24b3af415">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]One cannot go to confession if they are not sorry, which includes a firm purpose of ammendment. This is why those who are in irregular marriages cannot be absolved, (unless they abstain from sexual relations). Because they don't intend to rectify the situation. Living together is the same type of situation. The priest can't absolve the sin if there is no intention of amending the situation, so its actually correct that someone can't receive the sacraments in this situation.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

I agree - but I think that going to RCIA is still beneficial and logical for someone that is struglling with following/believing Church doctrine.

jenferian · December 2012

Honestly, at this point, I'm already feeling that perhaps being married by a Catholic deacon or reverend is the route we will take.

I thank everyone for their feedback.

You're all right: I do not feel sorry for having a sexual relationship with my FI and I have no intention of becoming celibate. And I do take issue with being told how sinful and bad I am by the same Church involved in covering up the rape and abuse of innocent children.

I have no intention of pretending or lying and telling the priest I'm going to move out or live as brother/sister with my FI. I've been counseled ad nauseum on the evils of premarital sex (PJP's Theology of the Body, et al) and fundamentally, I do not agree. I do feel some guilt for cohabitating before marriage; I'm not sure where that comes from, but I do. But do I feel guilty enough to become chaste or live as brother/sister for the next 6 months? No.

I'll be open and I'll listen to the priest and takes what he says under advisement. But if he feels us cohabitating precludes us from receiving the sacrament, then that's that and I will accept it and move on.

Thank you all.

Resa77 · December 2012

Just want to jump in and offer my support. I agree that going into the meeting with an open mind is probably your best course of action. I admire and appreciate that you fully intend on being honest about your situation, and suspect the priest will also appreciate your honesty. I'd be willing to bed you're not the first previously married, cohabitating bride the priest has ever encountered, and so hopefully he'll treat you with compassion and help you get things figured out!

jenferian · December 2012

I just want to thank all of you for your compassion, sympathy, earnest advice, and support.

I'll let you know how it goes tonight.

Regardless, we've both agreed we want to take the pre-cana classes (local ladies to DC/MD/VA, I think I'm taking these pre-cana classses: http://www.bethesdacfd.org/cfdmain.php?title=Three%20to%20get%20Married).

My parents got married a month after meeting. Within weeks of meeting, Dad (Baptist) proposed and Mom (cradle Catholic) went to the priest, The priest told Mom and Dad not to get married and said, "you both have one thing going for you: she's not pregnant." Needless to say, they divorced 25 years later...

I think part of me is (illogically) really terrified that if the priest turns us down, my FI and I will share the same fate as my parents.

Riss91 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:185c5cad-953c-4a27-bff3-0afbf2544c3d">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, at this point, I'm already feeling that perhaps being married by a Catholic deacon or reverend is the route we will take. I thank everyone for their feedback. You're all right: I do not feel sorry for having a sexual relationship with my FI and I have no intention of becoming celibate. And I do take issue with being told how sinful and bad I am by the same Church involved in covering up the rape and abuse of innocent children. I have no intention of pretending or lying and telling the priest I'm going to move out or live as brother/sister with my FI. I've been counseled ad nauseum on the evils of premarital sex (PJP's Theology of the Body, et al) and fundamentally, I do not agree. I do feel some guilt for cohabitating before marriage; I'm not sure where that comes from, but I do. But do I feel guilty enough to become chaste or live as brother/sister for the next 6 months? No. I'll be open and I'll listen to the priest and takes what he says under advisement. But if he feels us cohabitating precludes us from receiving the sacrament, then that's that and I will accept it and move on. Thank you all.
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

I agree - keep your mind open! Never say never... try your hardest to understand the "why" behind the doctrine. And if you still disgaree, then you still disgaree. It is really hard to look at something that is part of your everyday life that you consider harmless/unavoidable and force yourself to flip it on its head. I struggle with this everyday.

Also - please don't equate the Church with covering up rape and abuse. The Church didn't do that - priests and bishops did. They are human and are at times directed by evil like the rest of us. We all pray that these acts and those responsible are brought to justice. The Church does not support these acts. It's like saying that America and all Americans are corrupt, lying, greedy theives simply because some Americans are guilty of these acts. It's not fair to generalize and judge entire institutions that way.

We also separate a sinful act fromt he sinner. Hate the sin, love the sinner. Anyone in the Church that says you are "bad" is not behaving according to the Church. We are not to judge a soul - we are to judge the act/actions.

I honestly wish you the best in everything and please lean on us if you need to!

Tami87 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:3d5e1914-710b-48c1-8b27-02a3387010cc">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want to thank all of you for your compassion, sympathy, earnest advice, and support. I'll let you know how it goes tonight. Regardless, we've both agreed we want to take the pre-cana classes (local ladies to DC/MD/VA, I think I'm taking these pre-cana classses: <a href="http://www.bethesdacfd.org/cfdmain.php?title=Three%20to%20get%20Married)." rel="nofollow">http://www.bethesdacfd.org/cfdmain.php?title=Three%20to%20get%20Married).</a> My parents got married a month after meeting. Within weeks of meeting, Dad (Baptist) proposed and Mom (cradle Catholic) went to the priest, The priest told Mom and Dad not to get married and said, "you both have one thing going for you: she's not pregnant." Needless to say, they divorced 25 years later... I think part of me is (illogically) really terrified that if the priest turns us down, my FI and I will share the same fate as my parents.
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

I am not familiar with those pre-cana classes. We did the engagement encounter weekend and ended up going in Arlington because the dates they had worked best for us and had a great experience. They also offer engagement encounter weekends in Baltimore. <a href="http://www.engagedencounter.org/Community.asp" rel="nofollow">http://www.engagedencounter.org/Community.asp</a>

I also wanted to add that I agree with previous posters that really all you can do is try to listen to the priest's concerns about your living situation with an open heart. I am sure you will not be the first cohabbitating bride he has encountered. It is far better and takes great courage to be honest and I admire you for that.

I am sorry that you have felt judged and feel like people are telling you that you are not good enough. I can definitely relate to feeling like I'm not good enough, and a priest once told me the truth is none of is good enough or deserving but God loves us anyway. We are all sinners and struggle but thankfully our God is merciful and really wants what is best for us, even if we can't see what that is. I have found that even when we just take a small step towards God, he often meets us where we are and provides infinite grace. Like in the parable of the prodigal son, when the son is still a long way off the father sees him returning and runs to meet him. I would really encourage you to continue with RCIA and continue to explore your faith. Best of luck!

jenferian · December 2012

I wanted to follow up and share with you that I went in nervous, but decided to be open minded and listen to the priest...

It was SUCH a positive experience. He was so kind and understanding. We were 100% honest with him and he didn't even bat an eyelash. We booked our wedding date and time on the spot (under the understanding that the Archdiocese approves my petition for annulment due to lack of canonical form; he's on the marriage tribunal himself and said this shouldn't be a problem at all and I should be notified within 6 weeks) and discussed pre-cana classes.

Also, come to find out that the restaurant we're having our reception at is his favorite AND they often cater for the church.

We walked out feeling so good. We booked the reception site immediately following (we were holding out on this until we met with the priest).

We're having the full Catholic mass ceremony. I'm so excited! Thank you all!

monkeysip · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:89eb5a8d-820d-4e65-b353-bcf686bffba6">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]I wanted to follow up and share with you that I went in nervous, but decided to be open minded and listen to the priest... It was SUCH a positive experience. He was so kind and understanding. We were 100% honest with him and he didn't even bat an eyelash. We booked our wedding date and time on the spot (under the understanding that the Archdiocese approves my petition for annulment due to lack of canonical form; he's on the marriage tribunal himself and said this shouldn't be a problem at all and I should be notified within 6 weeks) and discussed pre-cana classes. Also, come to find out that the restaurant we're having our reception at is his favorite AND they often cater for the church. We walked out feeling so good. We booked the reception site immediately following (we were holding out on this until we met with the priest). We're having the full Catholic mass ceremony. I'm so excited! Thank you all!
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

Wow, great news! Sounds like you got a good, caring priest! Hope you have a beautiful wedding!

gjlader · December 2012

Yay!! I am so glad to hear this worked out well for you!

Calypso1977 · December 2012

yay!

Riss91 · December 2012

That's really great!!! So happy for you guys!

jenferian · December 2012

Thank you all so much! I feel SO good about this wedding. I didn't have reservations before; it's just now that the priest is supportive and our wedding date was available (it's soon, too, so I was surprised--May 25, 2013) and even the soloist and organist were available, not to mention that the place we're holding our reception caters for that church AND my priest has already granted us dispensation within 24 hours of my request (we're getting married in another county/archidocese; we live within the Baltimore Archdiocese, but are marrying within Washington, DC archdiocese) and both priests have both blessed us and our future marriage...

It just feels really, really good.

The first time I got married, I was fresh out of college and we had our gay friend marry us in a community center. It felt a little cheesy and didn't feel "real." We were both too young and didn't take marriage seriously (he's a really nice guy; in fact, my FI and I spent time with him a few months ago when we visited Boston) and divorced after 7 months of marriage. A decade has passed since then and I've matured and come into my own...

I feel like now, this is "real." During our initial meeting, when the priest was filling out our paperwork, he asked us a series of questions, one of which was, "do you believe marriage is eternal and everlasting and cannot be broken?" I've never answered a "yes" with more confidence.

I do not believe my first marriage was a mistake or an "aberration." Something, however, was missing. What was missing was God. I just feel so good including God and the Church in our wedding and marriage.

I'm really happy.

Thank you all so much!

chelseamb11 · December 2012

I'm glad to see you have things sorted out!
I couldn't tell (maybe I missed it?) Did the church have you annul your first marriage?

I think it's wonderful you are keeping an open mind about the Church and the teachings of the Church. One thing I urge you to do is read "The Good News About Sex and Marriage". I was definitely not a virgin on my wedding day, but my husband and I weren't "together" until our wedding night. I cannot even tell you how amazing that period of chastity was. It made me truly see WHY sex is only reserved for marriage. I urge you to dig a little deeper and even just do some research about what an awesome gift sex is and how abusing it can create troubles down the road.

jenferian · December 2012

I applaud all of you who remain chaste until marriage or abstain for months/weeks/years before your wedding night.

It's just not for me. :-) I'm in a monogamous relationship with the man I'm going to marry, so I'm OK with it :-)

Riss91 · December 2012

I would still highly recommend the book - it explains alot of things really well...

agapecarrie · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:2bfdcc90-fbcb-486c-86be-524dce280d76">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]I applaud all of you who remain chaste until marriage or abstain for months/weeks/years before your wedding night. It's just not for me. :-) I'm in a monogamous relationship with the man I'm going to marry, so I'm OK with it :-)
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I triple the book recommendation.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're so sure its "right for you" then it will stand up to good arguments. So nothing can be hurt by reading. </div><div>
</div>

chelseamb11 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:9e576a48-9d68-4e97-ac88-373b8a2645a5">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous : I triple the book recommendation. If you're so sure its "right for you" then it will stand up to good arguments. So nothing can be hurt by reading.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

I agree. You shouldn't be afraid of reading up on your faith.

Again..your life, your choices.

But I want to give you an analogy. As a teenager, did you ever do something that your parents told you was wrong? Drugs, drinking, smoking, skipping school, anything? Now, anything you felt was right then, do you realize now that it's wrong?

God is like our parent and we are like teenagers. We may not like all of the "rules" he has in place for us, but we should trust in Him like a teenager should trust his/her parents. Because He knows what is best for us, even when we are unable to see it.

You still didn't answer my question about the annullment of your first marriage.

jenferian · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:da2e1b73-a9e7-4b27-9a57-eef77ee6331f">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous : I agree. You shouldn't be afraid of reading up on your faith. Again..your life, your choices. But I want to give you an analogy. As a teenager, did you ever do something that your parents told you was wrong? Drugs, drinking, smoking, skipping school, anything? Now, anything you felt was right then, do you realize now that it's wrong? God is like our parent and we are like teenagers. We may not like all of the "rules" he has in place for us, but we should trust in Him like a teenager should trust his/her parents. Because He knows what is best for us, even when we are unable to see it. You still didn't answer my question about the annullment of your first marriage.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

I never received the sacrament of marriage, so I don't have to have it annulled :-) I filed a petition for nullity due to lack of canonical form.

With all due respect, you're presenting a faulty argument here--fallacy of false analogy. You're confusing God with the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is very clear that premarital sex is wrong and abstinence is a rule. No one has the authority to tell me I'm not in communion with God because I'm not chaste: not a priest, Church, and certainly not a lay person.

I'm comfortable with my life decision, thanks :-)

agapecarrie · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:4e130c18-2b26-43e2-b61a-33c9b93f27ca">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous : I never received the sacrament of marriage, so I don't have to have it annulled :-) I filed a petition for nullity due to lack of canonical form. With all due respect, you're presenting a faulty argument here--fallacy of false analogy. You're confusing God with the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is very clear that premarital sex is wrong and abstinence is a rule. No one has the authority to tell me I'm not in communion with God because I'm not chaste: not a priest, Church, and certainly not a lay person. I'm comfortable with my life decision, thanks :-)
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

Actually, Jesus is one with the church, His bride.<div>
</div><div>This is evident in Matthew 16, when he promises the keys of the kingdom to Peter, the first pope, and said "Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven". He promised the Holy Spirit from preventing the church from teaching error. Do you think the Holy Spirit is incapable of this? </div><div>
</div><div>It's also through scripture that sex belongs in marriage. (woman at the well being one). </div><div>
</div><div>It may seem easier to change what the moral standard is to fit us, but that is relativism. Pre-marital sex is just plain harmful. All across the board. </div>

chelseamb11 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:4e130c18-2b26-43e2-b61a-33c9b93f27ca">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous : I never received the sacrament of marriage, so I don't have to have it annulled :-) I filed a petition for nullity due to lack of canonical form. With all due respect, you're presenting a faulty argument here--fallacy of false analogy. You're confusing God with the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is very clear that premarital sex is wrong and abstinence is a rule. No one has the authority to tell me I'm not in communion with God because I'm not chaste: not a priest, Church, and certainly not a lay person. I'm comfortable with my life decision, thanks :-)
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

I never said you're not in communion with God because you're not chaste. You are correct in that it's not up to me to judge.
But I feel like you aren't as well versed on the religion you consider yourself so attached to if you don't know that the Catholic Church was started by Jesus himself and he promised that the Church would never lead us astray.
So no, I'm not confusing God with the Catholic church.

Honest question here. I'm honestly asking this out of curiosity, and I promise I don't mean it in a snarky way. Why do you consider the Catholic Church your "family" if you don't even believe it's fundamental beginning: That it was started by Jesus and Jesus guaranteed that the Church herself would never err us wrong?

If you filed a petition of nullity, you had it annulled. That's what it means. That's all I wanted to know :) I missed that part.

I really hope I'm not coming off as snarky or combative. I used to be in your shoes a long time ago. But there has to be a point that you believe the teachings of the church you belong to, otherwise what is the point in being a part of it? It's like calling yourself a vegetarian but still eating chicken on Saturdays. I hope you can be more open to the teachings of the Church (and God) in regards to premarital sex. Your eternal soul is not something to mess with.

jenferian · December 2012

I'm good with my soul and I'm good with my relationship with God, the Church, Jesus :-)

I'm a cradle Catholic and I've experienced other churches and religions. Catholicism fits for me.

The priest in my RCIA classes encouraged questions and comments like mine. Never once has a priest I've sought counsel from encouraged me to leave the church because I wasn't living in harmony with all the church rules. I mean, let's be real: how many people would still belong to the Catholic Church if we all did?

I think this is a point where we all just accept neither is going to accept the other's POV. I'm happy that that lifestyle worked for you and you found it rewarding. Personally, I'm good with my chosen lifestyle :-)

agapecarrie · December 2012

Then there would be no harm in reading the book.

Also-- the church isn't a cafeteria where you can just pick and choose what parts you want to believe. All of the teachings are so interconnected you can't have one without the other. It doesn't seem like you'd believe this, but many many many people believe in every single one of the church's teachings. There's quite a few on CW that do too. The apostles were martyred for the belief in the church. There were saints that were martyred over the teaching of pre-marital sex specifically.

You say you're good with the church, yet, you aren't actually, because you disagree with her teachings. That's confusing me.

chelseamb11 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:973d4e58-b666-4554-8ed9-9bda5b1d09c8">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm good with my soul and I'm good with my relationship with God, the Church, Jesus :-) I'm a cradle Catholic and I've experienced other churches and religions. Catholicism fits for me. The priest in my RCIA classes encouraged questions and comments like mine. Never once has a priest I've sought counsel from encouraged me to leave the church because I wasn't living in harmony with all the church rules. I mean, let's be real: how many people would still belong to the Catholic Church if we all did? I think this is a point where we all just accept neither is going to accept the other's POV. I'm happy that that lifestyle worked for you and you found it rewarding. Personally, I'm good with my chosen lifestyle :-)
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

Oh gosh, please don't think I'm asking you to leave. I'm definitely not. I was just asking you why you are a part of it if you don't agree with the beginnings of the Church. I encourage you to worship wherever you feel comfortable, I'm just asking you some questions that hopefully get you thinking about the fact that sex is A) a fabulous gift from God and B) meant for marriage. This rule comes from God, the Church is just the messenger.

You said you're having a full mass right? (Unless I was mistaken). I'm surprised your priest is letting you guys do that with you living together. Before H and I got married, we got to a point where it was SOOOO tempting to live together due to finances and location (we would have done so as brother and sister) but our priest flat out told us that he wouldn't approve of a full mass if we were living together.

jenferian · December 2012

You know, I wrote responses to each of you then deleted them. I realized I have no one to answer to but my FI, God, and our priest.

I'm really sorry if me marrying within the Catholic Church offends anyone.

Me?

I'm really, really happy. And I have a wedding to plan :-)

God bless.

chelseamb11 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_initial-meeting-with-priest-on-mondaya-wee-bit-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:67e8e8d8-d4f7-461a-84af-d4bbb19704ffPost:a7cb83a4-97b8-408a-87f2-18386e73e181">Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, I wrote responses to each of you then deleted them. I realized I have no one to answer to but my FI, God, and our priest. I'm really sorry if me marrying within the Catholic Church offends anyone. Me? I'm really, really happy. And I have a wedding to plan :-) God bless.
Posted by jenferian[/QUOTE]

I assure you, I am not offended in the least. I don't see why you are afraid of a few simple questions if you are so sure in what you are doing. I'm not asking them out of snark, rudeness or even judgement. I ask out of love for you as a fellow human being to be sure you have considered every angle.

Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous

Re: Initial Meeting with Priest on Monday...a wee bit nervous

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