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When is it not rude to leave your guest for the wedding night?

amandavillapuduaamandavillapudua member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiancé and I are getting married at 4 pm at a chapel in a casino. Instead of having a formal wedding reception we found a restraunt where we can all just go out to dinner. There we will mIngle with our guest, eat, and have wedding cake. Afterwards my fiancé wants to spend more time with our guest because he says he thinks it would be rude to just get married, eat dinner with them, and then leave them. However, I'd rather have alone time with my new husband. I booked a spa suite that I would love to relax in with my husband before we crash. When is it okay to leave your guest to do your own thing? People will probably be gambling and drinking on his side. I don't drink and I'd like to save as much money as possible for our honeymoon so I am not too sure what else we can do with our guest. Please help!
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Re: When is it not rude to leave your guest for the wedding night?

  • TheBaneyTheBaney member
    100 Comments
    I think the rule of thumb is that after the cake is cut, the guests can go home without being rude. Maybe a little after the cake is cut?
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  • adamar15adamar15 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    I don't necessarily think it's rude to leave after dinner, but you and your fiance need to get on the same page.  Don't use our responses to go back to him and say "See, the people on the internet think we should do it MY way."
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    You can leave anytime after you've provided some food and drinks and greeted and thanked each guest.  I agree with Adamar about getting on the same page as you H though.  Even it it would not have been rude, I would have been pretty ticked at H if he wanted to leave our reception immediately after we cut the cake because I was still in the mood to party and celebrate with everyone who traveled to be there.  But if your H is just saying he wants to stick around because it's rude not to, you can tell him that it's more than okay to leave when you were planning to.
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  • anna.oskaranna.oskar member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Are you just going out to dinner with your guests or are you treating your guests to dinner?
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Ditto Adamar.

    Find a compromise you can both live with and go from there.
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  • adamar15adamar15 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-it-not-rude-to-leave-your-guest-for-the-wedding-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abb0e0ab-d874-4a42-af2c-00ed820ebde9Post:53503e53-0ac4-43b7-b821-a98da793fe77">Re: When is it not rude to leave your guest for the wedding night?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you just going out to dinner with your guests or are you treating your guests to dinner?
    Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was wondering this, too.</div>
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
    1000 Comments
    I agree with PPs. 

    Also, you may surprise yourself and actually want to hang around longer than you think.  I thought I would want to leave our wedding early but I ended up being wired and danced the night away.  I actually wish we had planned some sort of after party because I was having that much fun!  You can't really predict how you will feel the night of. 

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I really think you should not make ANY plans and just go with the flow.

    I LOVED hanging out with my family and friends after the wedding.  I didn't think I would considering it was after 11pm, but I was on a high and didn't want it to end.

     With such an early wedding you might also feel the same way.   Or your DH might find going back to the room is a good idea after a long day.

    Just play it by ear.








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  • amandavillapuduaamandavillapudua member
    10 Comments
    We are celebrating at a restraunt. We are providing Hors d'oeuvres and the cake. Unfortunately we can't afford a actual reception so we are just going to a restraunt to casually celebrate with whoever chooses to join is afterwards.I wish we could have a reception. We invited the guest to join us and told them what we are providing. I know it's not a proper way of doing things.
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  • abbitha7abbitha7 member
    100 Comments
    I wouldn't make specific plans. I thought I would want to leave our reception at 10pm (it ended around midnight) but we ended up staying until 1130 because we were just having so much fun. Go with the flow.

    As for dinner, other people will certainly tell you this, but if you are having a dinner you must host it. It's rude to make guests pay for their own dinner at your wedding.
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