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Unwanted Guests

lynnard82lynnard82
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm somewhat new to the boards but I have a question regarding unwanted guests.  We wanted a very small wedding in Vegas with just immediate family and aunts and uncles.  We both have large families and decided against cousins because there were too many.  Most of them are grown and out of the house with their own families.  I sent out the STD's and addressed them properly as to who was invited, basically Mr & Mrs Smith Jones.  When I went home they all assumed they were invited and some of my aunt and uncles had already booked hotel rooms for them.  One of my cousins who thought he was invited with his girlfiend of two months actually invitied her sister along as well.  Total there were about 20 people extra people coming.  When I told them we were on a strict budget and could only handle so many guests they got mad.  I'm not really sure how to handle this problem.  Any thoughts?
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Re: Unwanted Guests

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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary

    Continue to explain to them the limited budget and guest list. When you send invitations to none of the extra 20 people, they'll get the hint. If Aunt & Uncle try to RSVP with their son, his GF, and GF's sister (who does that??) then you call and explain to them, once again, that due to guest list limitations only Aunt & Uncle are invited to the wedding. If Aunt & Uncle want to pay for your cousin, his GF, and GF's sister (??) to have a weekend in Vegas, they can, but you just have to stick to your list.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Ditto pp's. It sounds like some phone calls are in order. Simply tell them you are on a limited budget and can therefore only acomodate the people that the invites were addressed to.
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    AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    First Comment
    I think they will get the hint when you send out the actual invites.  If they RSVP with the extras, then I would call and explain the invites are for the addressees only, and that while they are welcome to bring whomever they want to Vegas, they are not invited to the wedding. 

    This may sound a bit off, but if you have to, have a "gatekeeper" at your wedding, with a list, to only admit your invited guests. 
    Anniversary
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Just be up front and clear.  If you didn't get ambiguous and write 'and family' then the blunder is on them. And they can be sad that they weren't invited or included but they'll have to get over it.
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    lynnard82lynnard82
    First Comment
    Thanks ladies!  I did tell them it was only for immediate family and aunts and uncles.  I am really trying hard not to be a bridezilla so I just wanted to make sure I was doing everything appropriately.  I do like the idea of a gatekeeper though:)  
    @rupar I'm with you I couldn't believe my cousin would do that.  This all happened Christmas Eve and I was still so mad Christmas morning that for the first time in 28 years I actually shoveled the driveway.  I felt like I had to do something to get the aggression out:)  
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I'm glad to hear these responses because I will be doing the same thing.  I have over 40 first cousins on my dad's side alone, plus many of them are adults and have children of there own, so there is no way we can afford to invite them.  I'm limiting my side of the family to aunts/uncles only and I hope there is no confusion or hurt feelings. 

    I think a lot of people don't understand how much each person really costs.  Our meal alone is $45pp, so to invite 40+ cousins AND their spouses would add $3600!!  Not to mention needing a bigger reception space, more centerpieces, more money for the bar, etc.

    Just try to be as clear as possible that your budget is limiting your guest list, and although you'd love to have your cousins there, you can't make any exceptions.

    Good Luck!!
    Anniversary
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2010
    Try to make your RSVP cards as idiot-proof as possible.

    We have reserved 2 seats for Aunt June and Uncle Momo.

    ___ Aunt June will be attending
    ___ Aunt June will not be attending

    ___ Uncle Momo will be attending
    ___ Uncle Momo will not be attending
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