Is This Reasonable?

divinemsbee · January 2012

Ok, I made this post a little bit ago, and it has just disappeared, even though it shows up on "My Posts," so I assume TK ate it and may regurgitate it later. So if it shows up again, I am sorry for the double post.

I finally got in contact with my church about trying to get a wedding date. I know it's very popular because it's incredibly beautiful, and the renovations are going to make it even better. Lots of non-parishioners come there to get married because it's much nicer than any of the other churches in the area, but the church used to sort of give "dibs" to those who were parishioners or had a strong relationship with that church. They no longer do that, which I get, it's popular and it's hard to hold people up like that. It also used to be that the fees were $500 for parishioners and $2000 for nons. Then it was $1000 for parishioners. Now the new priest wants to charge everyone a $2000 flat rate, regardless of their relationship to the church. This includes use of the church, the celebrant (priest) the altar boys (who aren't paid anyway, and I could find my own) and use of the organ and organist. That seems like a lot of money to me for just use of the church. I know that what places charge is based on locations and such, but did any of you guys pay that much for just the church, and/or those things combined?

I think I've been kind of low-balling what a church would cost in my head. I also can't wrap it around spending that much money for a place to take some pictures and have the ceremony, not to mention that I'd still have to pay to decorate it (and they're pretty picky about that) and any flowers I used would be kept by the church to be used at Mass, and that still wouldn't cover a cantor or tips. And the only constant thing in my head whenever I have thought about getting married is this particular church. It holds a lot of meaning for me, but I just don't know if $2000 is remotely doable without severely limiting ever other choice we'll make about the rest of the wedding/reception.

This also may end up being what pushed me to my Mom's hometown to get married. I don't have a relationship with any other church in my hometown, and this might push several of the reception venues I've looked at really far out of reach. We have a relationship with the church in my Mom's hometown, and I know nothing there will be as expensive.

Basically, am I overreacting and was I totally low-balling this, or is this just the deal breaker I needed to make a decision?

Danidawn20 · January 2012

No, I can understand this, something similar hoappened to me. I'll write more after school

iluvmytxrgr · January 2012

That fee is about the norm for larger churches here. If you don't want to give up that church, you could look into more conservative decorations for the church. Maybe small arangements just at the family pews and a few flowers around the alter and on the doors. If it is a really pretty church, you don't really need a lot of decoration.

firemedicrr · January 2012

I personally think it's crazy for a church to charge that much. That's about what all our rentals are costing us for our outdoor wedding. My sister got married in her church for free (they tipped the pastor). My dad is a pastor and doesn't charge for weddings for church members. I don't know of anyone who has been married in a church in my area who paid for the church as their site unless they weren't a member, and even then it was only a few hundred dollars. Obviously, those who were members gave a gift to the pastor/donated to the church, but there was no set charge.

-I- think it's crazy, but maybe I just live in a charming southern town?!

AmandaSC1988 · January 2012

Well, I must say, $1-2000 is a bit normal. FI’s family has attended and WORKED at the church we are getting married at (They were the cantors for over 20 years). We thought that it was going to be cheap/free considering FI’s family ties to the church. $1000 (Non-parishioners is something like $3000). Now granted we are getting married in a beautiful Cathedral and like your church, people come from all over the state to get married there. We sort of put up a little put of pressure questioning the costs, but they broke out the costs of having the church up and running for 2 hours and it came to about $1000 of just COSTS, which to me, was outrageous. But that pays for the church, a day of coordinator, and security (You need that in a downtown church..haha). We opted not to do flowers for the church. It was just too much and not worth it. I highly doubt anyone would have looked at them anyway.

My sister got married in my home town church and they wanted $1600 for parishioners. Once again, all cost of the upkeep, insurance, electricity… Churches *shouldn’t* be trying to make money off of a sacrament.

Have you talked with the Priest personally? I would tell him you really want to get married in your home town church, but at $2000, you just can’t afford it. I am willing to bet they might work with you regarding costs.

firemedicrr · January 2012

wow, that's crazy that it's normal where you ladies are. I'm glad it's not here! lol

CAB1217 · January 2012

I'm sorry, but that is NUTS. It's a CHURCH! Not a venue!!!! I feel like that is taking advantage of people.

Irishcurls · January 2012

Yeah, we paid $1000 all total. $2000 is a lot but if you're saying its popular, I totally get that, as crummy as it is....

shan87 · January 2012

We got married in a tiny church in a tiny town we paid $100 for the Church with the Priest not accepting any fee so we made another $100 donation to the church. Musicans and altar were included- we hired a string quartet though but used their servers.

That being said - its my family church so I knew I wanted to get married there which like you brought me back to my mom's home town instead of the capital city where I moved and spent 6 years.

shan87 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-reasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:edcb12c0-fad0-4c25-b295-7919fa1d0489Post:181639fe-842c-4d2a-a978-37b12dff9e40">Re: Is This Reasonable?</a>:
[QUOTE]We got married in a tiny church in a tiny town we paid $100 for the Church with the Priest not accepting any fee so we made another $100 donation to the church. Musicans and altar were included- we hired a string quartet though but used their servers. That being said - its my family church so I knew I wanted to get married there which like you brought me back to my mom's home town instead of the capital city where I moved and spent 6 years.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

whoops ment to hit edit... OP I would check with your local board or call around to see what other charge just to get an idea. I can see them upping the price to pay for their reno though.

Danidawn20 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-reasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:edcb12c0-fad0-4c25-b295-7919fa1d0489Post:181639fe-842c-4d2a-a978-37b12dff9e40">Re: Is This Reasonable?</a>:
[QUOTE]We got married in a tiny church in a tiny town we paid $100 for the Church with the Priest not accepting any fee so we made another $100 donation to the church. Musicans and altar were included- we hired a string quartet though but used their servers. That being said - its my family church so I knew I wanted to get married there which like you brought me back to my mom's home town instead of the capital city where I moved and spent 6 years.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
This is what it was like for Fi and me, but then the diocese moved priests and now we have to pay and additional 300.

calindi · January 2012

Holy crap, if I may say, I'm really glad we're getting married at our venue!!! It makes it feel like even more of a deal, since they aren't charging anything extra for the ceremony, and it's only a $4000 rental anyway. Sorry you're getting milked for that much!

melbelle24 · January 2012

I would definitely talk to them and see if they can work with you on the price. It seems high to me, but that might be because I'm from an extremely small town, have literally grown up in my church, and have already been told they won't charge me anything (perk of my mom's good friend being the one that runs the church).

BinxRose · January 2012

Wow, that is a lot of money. I think it's kind of ridiculous that a church, a house of God, would rob anyone like that. It's a church, not a venue. My sister donated a few hundred dollars to her church, but was not "charged" anything. I've gotta say, that doesn't seem very Christian-like to rob someone of that kind of money just to be married in a house of God. Definately glad I am getting married in my venue, which is not even as expensive as your church.

SamiJoeB · January 2012

Honestly, My venue was an all inclusive type, the room, the food, plus champagne and a HM suite all total was only a little bit more than what your church is trying to charge.. That's seriously ridiculous..

divinemsbee · January 2012

Yeah, I'm what seems like a really similar situation to Amanda. It's my home church, but it's also a really beautiful Cathedral that people come to from all over to get married. It's big, and I don't doubt that some of the operating costs can be expensive, but it's a lot of money out of the budget. And we would have to have flowers, they're picky. I wonder if my fee would include security too, also a downtown Cathedral, and we might need it, but it would depend on what time of day.

The lady I talked to used to work at my school and I went through Confirmation with her son, she sounded really sympathetic and like she thought it was a bit ridiculous, too. But, from how she said things, I don't think there's a way around it. The priests that knew me there as a child and young adult are gone, and the new priest, who I know from other churches (priests move once every 7 years or so, but generally stay within a community) isn't the most lenient guy.

It sucks, but it makes a decision for me that we may have to move the wedding. And as one of my best friends said, "The people you really want at the wedding will go, no matter where you have it (as long is it isn't in Italy or some stupid shiit like that.)" I'd like to believe that, but we'll see. I really don't want to put anyone out over things like location, it seems like it will be more stressful on my family to try to deal with it being out of town for them (in my hometown), and the same amount of stressful on my freinds either way.

calindi · January 2012

DMB, she's absolutely right. Especially if it's just a drive, people who want to be there will be there. If it cuts down on costs, so much the better.

And churches, from my understanding, will not block people from entering, even during a wedding. Something about being sanctuaries and all that. My Mom's cousin got married in a huge cathedral, and tourists were walking in and taking pictures during the ceremony.

amh04 · January 2012

Sorry - I just saw this. The church I originally fell in love with wanted to charge us a $1000 just for the use of the church and they would only allow us 45 minutes follow the ceremony for pictures. We would still of had to pay the Priest a stipend (they had it set at $200) and then the organist $150 - because you had to use theirs. And then they wanted you to pay $100 to the receptionist lady.

In my mind its ridiculous what they are doing, especially to parishoners. The church I attend now, there is no charge to use their church at all.

I never in my mind thought churches would or could or did this sort of thing. In my opinion it's really... mean. Thats the only thing I can think of. You already have to pay for premartial counseling, then in some cases for NFP, then the music, and so forth.. to me I think a lot of churches are trying to use this to generate extra income within the church. It just isn't fair - especially to those who have attended that church for a while and contribute weekly already.

Cali - thats really weird they allowed that, the Cathedral here puts a note on the door and has someone stand just inside the doorway so that won't happen - again they charge $2500 for parishoners there. RIDICULOUS.

But I agree with Cali - those who want to be at your wedding will be there regardless of distance or time traveling. They want to be there to share your happy day. It's nice to be considerate, but if being considerate is going to hurt your budget and make you cut back on things you really wanted or would of liked to have - then it isn't worth it in my opinion. It's your day in the end!

Is This Reasonable?

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