I'm just wondering what everyone here thinks about this.
One of my coworkers is getting married. The thing is, she's already married and has a kid with her husband. She's only been married for a little over a year. But when they first got married, is was just a quick thing with her parents, brother, sister, and JOP. So now they're getting married with a bunch of people there. And not just a reception either. She's got a dress, he's wearing a tux...the whole nine yards. She's also having a shower. And the whole thing is costing $3,000-$4,000 which her parents are paying for.
To me this seems a little gift grabby. Or cash grabby since she only registered for a few things and has stated many times that she would rather have money. I'm just wondering what other people's opinions on this are...
Re: Just Wondering...
Anyway, I know some people are really down on having a JOP ceremony followed by a big wedding later. Personally, I think if she wants to get dressed up and have a party, that's her perogative. Whether anyone goes or not is their individual decision as is getting a gift. The shower may be a little much, but whatever. No one is forcing anyone else to go.
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My cousin eloped to the JOP a few months after her son was born. I kept waiting for her to have a wedding. I would have been thrilled. But, she never did. They've discussed maybe doing an anniversary celebration with family later down the road, maybe at 10 or 15 years. Leave it to my awesome cousin to be completely classy even when I wouldn't be in her situation.
[QUOTE]I was at Hallmark and seriously debating a Congratulations card! But I found one that just said something about hoping that love lives in their life together. I thought that was generic enough.
Posted by StinaPie14[/QUOTE]
I think that's very nice of you and appropriate. What I've come to realize if that even if our friends/family make choices we don't support they're still our friends/family, know what I mean? So yes I think it's totally weird she's having a "wedding" if she were my friend I'd wish her the best.
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As for the OP, the only thing that makes me eyebrowy is the shower. The rest I wouldn't think twice about, honestly, but the shower (and the asking for money) is what seems "gift grabby" to me.
[QUOTE]Tacky with a capital T. Sounds like someone regrets her elopement and wants her pretty princess day. Sorry toots, it doesn't work like that.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
You said it so much better than me.
OP - You sound like a very nice person.
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In this situation, sounds like they are being super gift-grabby. If you plan to elope, then plan on skipping the 'traditional' wedding and reception. You can't have your cake and eat it too...
Second, the money thing is not unique to this particular situation. I know of plenty of people that have done similar things and never eloped ahead of time.
Sure there are things that many people won't agree with, but I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that she already eloped.
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It's not really intended to be 'gift grabby' usually as much as they just want their "big white wedding". Whether they regret not having the full "daddy walk you down the aisle in the white dress, cut the wedding cake" experience, or felt they had to get married earlier than they were able to afford a ceremony and reception (as can be the situation when people have kids together). The correct way to phrase it to let people know you're already married is "vow renewal" but not everyone realizes that. I'd say just assume she's ignorant and has the best intentions. I'm always up for giving people the benefit of the doubt, and letting people enjoy their wedding day. I
'll never be the person to say someone doesn't deserve a "big white wedding day" just because they legally tied the knot via JOP or have been divorced before from someone else. So long as they let people know they're already legally married and don't try to lie to everyone about that, I wish them the best!
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of your comments guys! I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking this or if I was having a normal thought process. I will be attending both her shower and her wedding (don't hate! ). Posted by StinaPie14[/QUOTE]
Awww, hehe! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
I think it's very sweet of you to go to both. Just the concept itself isn't my fav thing in the world, regardless of the circumstances. :) Either way I hope you have fun & that she has a beautiful wedding/vow renewal/PARTYYYYY...