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MOH and her general suckiness - long vent

snarky_girlsnarky_girl
First Comment
in Oregon
I know this is a common theme on the September board .. but man I'm sitting here just upset and pissed at my BFF/MOH. Anyone else annoyed by theirs??

When I asked my BFF to be one of the MOHs (the other is my brother - I'm only having two attendants), she was beyond excited. Couldn't wait to pitch in, help out, plan the bachelorette party and do the bridal shower. Said because my brother was the other attendant, she'd get to do it all. Was giddy over that. Then came dress shopping and her attitude went downhill from there. Dress shopping for her was worse than trying to do anything else - even INVITATIONS - with this wedding. She hasn't wanted to help on any of the DIY stuff - which is fine with me - but she makes comments about wanting to help. When I ask - she's busy. 

Fast forward to Monday night. My SIL (who was my friend before marrying my brother) asked when my bridal shower or bachlorette party were going to be - obviously she'd be invited. I told her no clue - no one has said anything, asked for a guest list. Zilch. Her eyes bugged out when I told her that. SIL said she'd get in touch with MOH (they are friendly too) and find out what is going on.

Turns out that MOH is "too stressed" and not planning on doing anything - shower or bachelorette party. She told SIL I didn't want one. Which is a total lie. I said I didn't really want to do a pub crawl because I'm not a big drinker but we could just get together and hangout, maybe go play mini-golf or something else fun. 

So now SIL is handling it. She said its fine - she figured that my brother wouldn't be doing anything and she'd pitch in for him. I appreciate my SIL and love her dearly for this. That said - I'm pissed at the MOH for dumping this in her lap. Now I'm worried if she'll even be able to give a toast -- or handle any of the other duties - at the wedding. 

I know we will get past this and we'll be fine. It's just making me rethink the outrageous b-day gift I was going to get her (it's Sept. 4) as a way of saying thanks for being such a great friend and for dealing with the wedding stuff. At this point, the gift - money to help her pay for the trip to Vegas in October - is gonna be much less. I'll use the money that I planned to spend on her and buy my SIL something awesome for planning my shower/bach. party instead. I was thinking facial or pedicure at this point. Ideas??

Thanks for reading. And yes, I know I'm being whiney and self-centered right now. 
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Re: MOH and her general suckiness - long vent

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    kizatkizat
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    edited December 2011

    Oooh honey... *hugs*

    Thank goodness for SIL, right?

    I was told a month or so ago that my girls were planning a bachelorette party for me and they had asked me what I wanted to do and so I gave them a list of things... and I was told that we were going to do this or that... and now none of them can coordinate or be in town at the same time.

    One of my bridesmaids is really frustrated because she's willing to be flexible and understands that one of the things I REALLY wanted was for my cousin (who is also a bridesmaid) to be there too... She's flying in from Louisiana a week before the wedding, and the other bridesmaid can't do it for one reason or another.

    I ended up just telling them to forget it and that it's just not that important.  I'll get drunk at a bowling alley by myself if need be. hahaha.

    What is your MOH so stressed about?  Does she have something else going on in her life?

    Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
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    snarky_girlsnarky_girl
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks kizat! I needed that.

    But things have changed — for the better. Now she has offered to help my SIL throw it. Thank god. And she said she's trying to plan the bachelorette party for Aug. 21. I just can't keep up with her and her mercurial moods sometimes. She confessed to me 10 minutes ago that MY schedule of activities and plans between now and then is just daunting for her. I know - it's MY life!!

    As for her stress .. many factors but the main ones - her boyfriend who is unemployed; her need for control is tatamount to obsession; her 12-year-old adopted daughter who is fighting her over everything; and the big topper - going through bankruptcy and other financial problems due to her divorce. Believe me, I understand where she is coming from with money and the such. That's why I helped her find a dress for the wedding that was $20 and rocks. It's still just frustrating being on this side of things. 

    OK -- done with vent - or premature vent!

    I'm sorry your BMs are causing you problems too. It bites their schedules can't line up. Maybe you can do mini-parties. Go out with a few one weekend; go out with the rest on another date?? Plan the most fun for the one with your cousin though because you really want her there! I'm just glad you have a BM that is involved and ready to pitch in!

    And I wish I was closer - I'd totally have a pity party with you at the bowling alley! Smile
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    nannabug42nannabug42
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ohh, both situations suck - I'm sorry! I may join you at that bowling alley, I'm having the opposite problem with one of mine.


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    kizatkizat
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Opposite how?

    a meet up at the bowling alley would probably be fun if we weren't all so busy with wedding planning. LOL
    Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
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    sarahmarietmsarahmarietm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Glad things got worked out for you Snarky.
    Kizat, I'm sort of in the same boat as you, it sounds like.
    I MOH/older sister lives in Hillsboro, and while she's been as helpful as she can be, it's hard working full time and juggling a husband and two kids.
    My other BMs (one lives in CA and won't be here til two days before---who just got engaged today!, the other raising her 3 year old and trying to balance her chaotic life) are scattered across the board, and are never free when I am, because my schedule is always fluctuating.  Thanks, work!
    So, with the exception of doing a mini spa day,  food crawl (not a big drinker) and going to Darcell's with my sister, that's it for bridal party extravaganzas for me.  But I am sooooooo OK with that.
    I've had to dump a bunch of DIY projects, except the ones that really meant a lot to me.  Also, having no control over setting up the day of (other than telling people how I want things at the rehearsal lol!) scares me a little, but I know it will be great.

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    snarky_girlsnarky_girl
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Breathe Sarah .. breathe! The stress has got to be getting to you. Hell I'm freaked out and I've got 50 some days left.

    As for the DIY, I get it. I spent three hours this afternoon making tissue paper flowers and creating one pomander. Only five more to go. Thank god.
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    kizatkizat
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_oregon_moh-her-general-suckiness-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:119Discussion:b8e52a23-629f-400a-98da-a76eb26c6c0fPost:92658a67-0a65-45c8-b42b-b3fad09c1ce3">Re: MOH and her general suckiness - long vent</a>:
    [QUOTE] Also, having no control over setting up the day of (other than telling people how I want things at the rehearsal lol!) scares me a little, but I know it will be great.
    Posted by sarahmarietm[/QUOTE]

    !#$!@#!  I totally know what you mean.  I actually have a Day of Coordinator now from trading services, but it's still really stressful because I'm such a hands on EVERYTHING kind of personl

    so hard to let go... lol
    Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss
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    joymccrearyjoymccreary
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, I feel for you all.  I have NO MOH, or BM, and am doing it all myself.  It is going to be a small wedding, in my backyard, but there is still a lot of work to be done.  I am he caterer, the wedding planner and the florist.  Yeah, being a bride is hard work.
    I can't wait!!!
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    snarky_girlsnarky_girl
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to being a DIY bride Joy! You'll find that many of us on here are doing all the same things - though we do have MOHs and BMs!! Good Luck!
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