How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding?

ldawngirl · April 2010

When my DF and I were choosing our bridal party members, I asked him if he wanted me to include his sister on my side. He said no, it was okay, as I have many friends and it was already hard to choose. But he's having his two brothers in the wedding party on his side and now his sister is feeling left out.

She can be a bit immature and silly, so we both don't feel comfortable asking her to do a reading or such at the ceremony, as we fear she'll just make a big joke out of it...

How can we make her feel included?

(She's 20 year old).

tidetravel · April 2010

She can stand on his side.

suz62984 · April 2010

I'd say stand on his side if she can't do a reading. Giving her a tasks like the programs or something would just be insulting. Leave it as is or ask her to be a groomswoman

ldawngirl · April 2010

My fiance and I have both picked our bridal party members, so we can't go back and change/add her. He's adament about not having a lopsided party (i.e. 3 on my side, 4 on his), so having her on his side is not an option unless he takes out his best friend (not happening) or I add one more person to my side (which will just make our costs go up and we both like having three for each side).

mbcdefg · April 2010

I can be an immature, silly person sometimes, but I would absolutely take someone's wedding reading very seriously. Are you SURE that she would make a joke out of it? Have a little faith in her.

But I agree that it'd be best if he asked her to be a groomswoman, or if you asked her to be a bridesmaid. IMO it's not right to exclude one sibling while including all the others.

mbcdefg · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involve-dfs-sister-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6ba1ee2-1f3b-4ab4-a9c4-ea86c28aab2dPost:093a3207-6dfb-4c61-a96f-d3d9079e5819">Re: How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have both picked our bridal party members, so we can't go back and change/add her. He's adament about not having a lopsided party (i.e. 3 on my side, 4 on his), so having her on his side is not an option unless he takes out his best friend (not happening) or I add one more person to my side (which will just make our costs go up and we both like having three for each side).
Posted by ldawngirl[/QUOTE]

It's only "not an option" because YOU AND FI are deciding that it's not an option.

Your FI would honestly rather hurt his sister's feelings than have a lopsided wedding party? Or remove a friend than have a lopsided wedding party? Or make you add a random slot-filler just to keep things even? Wow, what a prize he is.

Frankly, your reasoning here is incredibly ridiculous and selfish.

emilyinchile · April 2010

So his sister feeling left out < the "need" to have even sides?

Then don't make her anything. And explain to her that it's just that she didn't make the top 3, nothing personal. I'm sure that'll go over well with his entire family.

Also, your wedding isn't until Oct. 2011. Ideally, you wouldn't have picked any of your WP yet (see other posts for reasons why), but it's certainly not too late to add someone.

suz62984 · April 2010

Well if she can't do a reading and she can't be in the WP than she is left with being a guest. Yes, she feels left out but if you don't want to compromise than that's that.

ldawngirl · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involve-dfs-sister-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6ba1ee2-1f3b-4ab4-a9c4-ea86c28aab2dPost:5220c439-c862-47ec-b5be-ca48c7fd8fb8">Re: How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding? : Wow, what a prize he is.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Wow, you said you could be immature in your earlier post, and this proves it... I came here to get suggestions and my DF and I both get insulted... nice. It's one thing to state an opinion (i.e. that we should make her a groomswoman/BM or state that even if she can be immature, she could still do a reading), but to insult us based on a couple of sentences is a tad dramatic and unnecessary.

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involve-dfs-sister-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6ba1ee2-1f3b-4ab4-a9c4-ea86c28aab2dPost:05ae145f-669f-44df-982e-9ef5fdcf19d4">Re: How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding? : Wow, you said you could be immature in your earlier post, and this proves it... I came here to get suggestions and my DF and I both get insulted... nice. It's one thing to state an opinion (i.e. that we should make her a groomswoman/BM or state that even if she can be immature, she could still do a reading), but to insult us based on a couple of sentences is a tad dramatic and unnecessary.
Posted by ldawngirl[/QUOTE]

All we have to go on is what you've typed. Based on that, your FI is putting even sides above his own sister's feelings...you do the math. I *suggest* he change his priorities.

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involve-dfs-sister-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6ba1ee2-1f3b-4ab4-a9c4-ea86c28aab2dPost:c559f407-1a9f-4971-82fb-113c23cae044">How do I involve my DF's sister in the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]When my DF and I were choosing our bridal party members, I asked him if he wanted me to include his sister on my side. He said no, it was okay, as I have many friends and it was already hard to choose. But he's having his two brothers in the wedding party on his side and now his sister is feeling left out. She can be a bit immature and silly, so we both don't feel comfortable asking her to do a reading or such at the ceremony, as we fear she'll just make a big joke out of it... How can we make her feel included? (She's 20 year old).
Posted by ldawngirl[/QUOTE]

ldawngirl · April 2010

This thing with his sister has just come up. It was based on choosing our numbers earlier that he said he didn't want it to be lopsided, so we made sure to ask the same number of people. He may change his mind when it comes to his sister, but as this is all new news, so we haven't talked about it in depth yet.

I just wanted to get some thoughts on potential other (if any) ways to include her. If the answer is, there is no other way, then so be it. I just don't appreciate others (not you emilyinchile) saying rude and immature things about us as people. Even if someone says 'you're being selfish about this' - to me that's better than saying my DF is 'a prize' or I'm selfish in general. Make a statement about the situation, not the person.

lalap69 · April 2010

It sounds like you are being the immature one, since all you seem to care about is numbers. How is pointing out that your priorities are seriously messed up if you care about not having "lopsided sides" more than how your FSIL feels?

Ask her to do a reading or get over your silly fetish with even sides and ask her to be an attendant. Or hurt her feelings. Those are your options.

mbcdefg · April 2010

You ARE being selfish. I'm not going to sugarcoat things just to spare your pwecious feewlings. I would certainly hope that someone would tell ME to cut the shiit if I was excluding a family member just to have even sides.

Grow up.

trix1223 · April 2010

So a random number is more important than his sister, your FSIL? She's going to be his sister, your SIL for a long, long, time. And a NUMBER during a 15 minute ceremony means more than she does.

Thanksgivings with your family are going to be awesome.

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