Fiance Not Interested in Registry?

LuckyAloha · January 2013

So I am recently engaged and just starting to register, but it's difficult because my fiance doesn't seem interested at all with helping me pick out things...is this normal? I just worry that he might not end up liking everything I register for, but I understand that it's maybe not as fun for guys to look at dishes and sheets on their day off.

Any input would be helpful, thanks!!!

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fiance-not-interested-in-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:08d37215-d61e-426a-9e38-0424b07a7347Post:e586b6f5-2a23-452b-bf46-80b8932a3acb">Fiance Not Interested in Registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I am recently engaged and just starting to register, but it's difficult because my fiance doesn't seem interested at all with helping me pick out things...is this normal? <strong> I just worry that he might not end up liking everything I register for</strong>, but I understand that it's maybe not as fun for guys to look at dishes and sheets on their day off. Any input would be helpful, thanks!!!
Posted by LuckyLucke[/QUOTE]
Tough cookies for him if he doesn't like what you picked out if he won't help.<div>
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</div><div>You can try breaking it down for him in smaller lists. Registering can be overwhelming, so if you have a gameplan set, he might not fear being trapped in the store looking at throw pillows for 6 hours.</div><div>It might help if you give him a few links on line and ask him to tell you "yay" or "nay." Some people, not just guys, really dont' care what color their teapot is or how fluffy their towels are. So try to stick to things that he might care about and actually use.</div><div>
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Avion22 · January 2013

Did you give him the scanner gun? Most guys come around when you let them play with the scanner gun.

hoffse · January 2013

Yes the scanner gun is the best kept secret in the wedding industry. They're really fun, and guys usually like them.

Also ditto PP - give him choices. I limited my options for FI to no more than 5 things for each category, usually less than that. He sort of shuts down when he is overwhelmed with options, so I did the major legwork sifting through the onslaught of ugly, unnecessary, or poor quality items (there are lots out there). I personally found that there were usually only 2 or 3 items in each category I really loved. It made it much easier for him to focus on the things we wanted.

And ultimately, if he STILL isn't on board after the effort you have put into it, then he can get over it. Plenty of people don't care what their homes look like, and if he is one of those people then it shouldn't matter in any event.

emeejeeayen · January 2013

FI refuses to go register in stores with me, but I basically added the 3 versions of each item that I liked, and then had him sit down with me and pick his favorite of those 3 (then I deleted the other 2). I actually really enjoy shopping online for home items, though, so I didn't mind.

Jen4948 · January 2013

If he really doesn't want to register with you, but registering is important to you, I'd do it by myself. Whatever you get off the registry as a gift is still for both of you. You can respond to any complaints he makes about gifts with "Sorry, but you made the choice not to come with me to register, so the complaints department is closed."

LuckyAloha · January 2013

Wow I didn't expect so much great advice, thank you!!! I so far have only registered online, so I didn't think about the registry gun..is it worth it registering in stores?

I just tried giving him several choices of my favorites and that actually seemed to work, he told me that he didn't like one of the wall art pieces but seems to like everything else.

Thanks again for all of the helpful advice, you guys are awesome!

hoffse · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fiance-not-interested-in-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:08d37215-d61e-426a-9e38-0424b07a7347Post:c51fb899-8fb9-427a-953d-e8882d2befa4">Re: Fiance Not Interested in Registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow I didn't expect so much great advice, thank you!!! I so far have only registered online, so I didn't think about the registry gun..is it worth it registering in stores? I just tried giving him several choices of my favorites and that actually seemed to work, he told me that he didn't like one of the wall art pieces but seems to like everything else. Thanks again for all of the helpful advice, you guys are awesome!
Posted by LuckyLucke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Even if you don't register in store it's important to go to the store to see and feel certain items first hand. I actually think couples should use the benefits of both an in-store and an online registry: in store you can feel and see the things, online you can read reviews. I narrowed our choices down to 2-5 items based largely on appearance, let FI scan them all (unless he had a strong opinion in the store itself - that happened a few times), and then we narrowed further by reviews online and by seeing where the general feel of our registry was going. He liked using the gun, and that put everything on a single list that we could narrow from, like PP mentioned. He was much more receptive to it when the list was basically complete, instead of me sending him link after link to look at.
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SJM7538 · January 2013

I'm having the same problem. My fianc and I compromised. He's going to come register for all the Kitchen stuff bc he cooks and I don't really. The rest I'll do by myself or maybe take my sister with me. I also showed him how to add stuff in the registry online so if he's bored and wants to poke around he can just add stuff at home online. Other than that I made him aware up front if he doesn't like stuff we get that he can't complain bc he didn't want to help. :

LuckyAloha · January 2013

Ahhh...I guess I will go to the store, that makes sense to see what everything looks like in person. And next time I ask him to take a look at the things I'm trying to decide on and he doesn't, I will definitely tell him that he is going to have to live with the consequences!

derksenriley · January 2013

You can do most of it at home so you aren't in the store for hours and hours. When we registered that was the worst part, my fiance and I were both over it after about an hour and ready to get out of there. Things like china, flatware, sheets, towels were the only things I felt we really needed to see/feel in person. Like Hoffse, I like to read the reviews on things so I added the appliances, etc. later online. My fiance (now husband) actually really surprised me because he cared deeply about our china pattern, and I had just assumed (based on what I'd heard about other people's registering experiences) that he'd not care at all and let me pick it... it took us a long time and visits to more than one store before we finally found a china pattern and complimentary flatware that we both liked.

I'd also suggest doing an additional universal registry - many people recommend Amazon. That way you can add things that you're both interested in, that go beyond the typical housewares. We had a registry at REI for camping gear, and we also had a lot of things from home depot and amazon on our universal registry. He might be more interested in those.

Avion22 · January 2013

Registering in-store doesn't have to take hours and hours.

I recommend you sign up for the registery online. This way you don't have to sit down witha consultant while they enter you into the system. You can tell them you just want to update an existing registery. Get the gun, and make sure the store's registery consultant leaves you the hell alone.

Go section by secion and scan stuff you like. Let him use the gun. If you can't decide between items, then scan all of them. You can always go back online and delete stuff you decide you don't want.

I think it's a lot easier (and more fun) for guys to see stuff in person. They can see/feel everything and decide what they like. It's easier than looking at stuff on a small screen and trying to picture what it will look like or feel like. Especially for things like sheets/towels.

Jager1219 · January 2013

My FI didn't want to be overwhelmed, but he actually does have a good style. So I basically wrote out a list first of things that I wanted to register for. We went to the stores together and put them on the list. FI had fun with the scanning gun

Then I've edited my registry online since then (mostly based on on-line reviews and partially because I've had to add things). I would add it online and then send FI the link to the registry & he basically hasn't had much of an opinion on my adjustments. He did, however, have an opinion on the towels, napkin rings, and sheets. The rest (flatware and kitchen items) he didn't care about. He also doesn't cook though aside from the occasional pasta dinner/eggs for breakfast.

LiLe422 · January 2013

In Response to Re:Fiance Not Interested in Registry?:[QUOTE]Registering instore doesn't have to take hours and hours. nbsp;I recommend you sign up for the registery online. This way you don't have to sit down witha nbsp;consultant while they enter you into the system. nbsp;You can tell them you just want to update an existing registery. nbsp;Get the gun, and make sure the store's registery consultant leaves you the hell alone. nbsp;Go section by secion and scan stuff you like. Let him use the gun. nbsp;If you can't decide between items, then scan all of them. nbsp;You can always go back online and delete stuff you decide you don't want.I think it's a lot easier and more fun for guys to see stuff in person. nbsp;They can see/feel everything and decide what they like. nbsp;It's easier than looking at stuff on a small screen and trying to picture what it will look like or feel like. nbsp;Especially for things like sheets/towels. Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what FI and I did. It worked wonderfully for us.

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