GMs in their own suits--protocol for shirts/ties?

fenwaykate · February 2010

Hi all,
Please don't think I'm tacky for asking...I genuinely want advice and don't know how to proceed as FI and I are the first in our circles to get married. Our GMs are wearing their own black suits, since we don't care about minor variations and don't see the need for them to spend extra money. Is it wrong for me to tell them which shirts/ties to purchase? Keeping in mind reasonable spending limits, of course...
I saw a recent string about GMs wearing their own suits and it had great feedback but everyone seemed to be providing the shirts or at least ties. I feel like the ladies take care of their own dresses/shoes, so guys should be able to do the same...right?
Advice/reassurance appreciated to a new poster on this board! Thanks!!

trix1223 · February 2010

I think it's pretty unneccessary. Think back to the last 6 weddings you've attended. What color shirts/ties were the men wearing~particularly if they were wearing suits and not tuxes.

I couldn't begin to tell you what shirts/ties the men wore, and as a church organist, I see an awful lot of weddings.

IMO, you're overthinking this.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I don't think it's out of line to say "Wear a white shirt and red tie," which most of them probably already own. But asking them to buy the same shirt and tie may be a bit much.

trix1223 · February 2010

ditto brooke. She wrote what I was thinking, except she said it more clearly than I.

emilyinchile · February 2010

I think it's ok to ask them to buy a specific tie, personally, but I'd ask them to wear any shirt of the color you want (I'm guessing white?) rather than getting them to buy a specific one - that kind of tiny detail won't be at ALL noticable.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

Ditto emily. I think a certain tie is okay as long as they're fine with the price, but if they're all wearing white shirts they probably already own one.

stina93446 · February 2010

What brooke said. Most white shirts (when they're clean, mind you) look the same. None of your guests are going to notice a slightly different collar.

jagore08 · February 2010

We just asked the guys to wear a white shirt and DH bought them all ties to wear.

banana468 · February 2010

I think it's fine to specify the color of shirt and depending on cost, you could say, "Hey guys, how much are you open to spending on a tie?" just like we say, "Hey BM, how much are you cool with spending on a dress?" This is assuming that they all own their own black suits of course.

However I don't think you can specify the exact shirt unless you plan to buy it...and the ties if you do specify should be kept to a minimum cost.

fenwaykate · February 2010

Thanks, ladies!! Thinking about it overnight I reached the same conclusion on shirts...and they do all have their own suits, as it turns out. I'll ask them what they're ok with spending on a tie and if the custom J.Crew ones I had in mind are more than that, I think FI and I will subsidize the difference. Appreciate the quick feedback!

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

With bridesmaid accessories, I think it's okay for the bride to provide some basic guidelines and let the girls go from there. So for the groomsmen, I think the same applies: just tell them the colors to wear and let them take it from there, and if you want something specific, you pay.

banana468 · February 2010

I think subsidizing the difference if it's more than they want to spend on a tie is great.

Just like if a BM dress was more than a BM wanted to spend, the bride would be expected to cover the additional cost. This is the same - and just remember that the chipping in can't be their GM gift.

fiddle14 · February 2010

My XH was in a wedding like this. Everyone wore the same color suit and a white shirt (which they all already owned).

Bride and groom bought the same ties for each of them as a gift. They were colorful, but also made them more easily identified as groomsmen since they all had the same one.

GMs in their own suits--protocol for shirts/ties?

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