The Long Walk

Re: The Long Walk

• Simply Fated member

  

  November 2012

  A few brides on here suggest having each dad walk you halfway, so it's probably not too much. Would you consider having them both walk you, one on each side? Or even just walk yourself? Or have your mom walk you?

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• StephJean83 member

  

  November 2012

  Are you having an indoor or outdoor wedding? What I've seen at an outdoor wedding was the bride's stepdad walked her from the building to the aisle and her bio dad walked her up the aisle. You could do the opposite where your bio dad walks you to the aisle, than stepdad walks you up.

  You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis

  Report0 Reply
• SmallenForever member

  

  November 2012

  If you want your step dad, ask him. Don't let your family sway your feelings. Your step dad raised you, your dad didn't. It's his fault you're not closer to him. Don't let your family act as if you're going to make someone feel bad or that you're holding a grudge. The reason you want to ask someone else is your dad's fault, not yours. Your stepdad sounds like more of a parent than your biological father and he deserves the honor more, in my opinion.

  Report0 Reply
• daveANDkristen member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-long-walk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e5a08d8c-ab94-4e1a-a5ad-431e514bb0aePost:18457efd-aae4-4070-b332-744d3b0bc3f0">Re:The Long Walk</a>:
  [QUOTE]A few brides on here suggest having each dad walk you halfway, so it's probably not too much. <strong>Would you consider having them both walk you, one on each side?</strong> Or even just walk yourself? Or have your mom walk you?
  Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
  
  This is what I did.  I have a good relationship with my bio dad but my mom and stepdad have been married since I was 5, so I can't remember a time without him.  It helps that my dad and stepdad get along (old buddies, in fact), but everyone was fine with it.
  
  I completely understand where you are coming from, your stepdad is obviously a huge part of your life, and it's great that you have such a wonderful relationship with him.  If you do not want your bio dad to walk you at all, that is your choice and you should stand by it.  But if you would like to have them both walk you, I would just sit your bio dad down and explain to him that your stepdad is also very important to you (and vice-versa), and that you would like to have them both escort you down the aisle.  If he is not ok with it, then he is free to remove himself from the equation! 

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• warpedredpenguin

  

  November 2012

  If you want them both to walk you, you certainly can, but I personally would just let Step-dad do it. He earned it. He was the one who acted like a dad. By acknowledging that, you are not holding a grudge or trying to hurt feelings. You are simply, to put it bluntly, giving credit where credit is due. That is no one's decision but yours. 

  
  

  One of my best friends let her dad walk her up the aisle, even though he had kicked her out of his home several times, put his girlfriends before her, and didn't let her have contact with her younger sister. She wanted her Grandma to do it, but her dad threatened a hissy fit, and his side of the family threatened not to come. So she caved. And she regrets it. She wished she'd had the courage to acknowledge the huge role her Grandma played in her life after her mother died. Just a thought. 

  Report0 Reply
• s-aries8990 member

  

  November 2012

  If you want your step dad to walk you, have him do it. You aren't rubbing it in anyone's face, you are asking the man who has been by your side to escort you into this next phase of life. You can still honor you bio dad with a dance (if you'd like), with a thank-you toast to your friends and family, with a bout, and/or with a mention in the program.
  
  I'm having my brother walk me because he is the only male (besides my grandfather, who won't be able to go) who has been there with me though everything. This day is about you and FI, not family politics.

   

  Report0 Reply
• BubbsNBubbs member

  

  November 2012

  I say do what YOU want to. Don't let other people try to convince you to do anythign but. If family threatens to not come....call their bluff. I think this is one time where the whole "this is MY day" thing can come into play. (PLEASE use with caution)
  
  If you want your step-father to have the honor of walking you....give him the honor. He would most likely be touched and everyone who is there and knows you, knows who your bio-dad is and what the situation was/is. So there really should not be any surprises for folks.

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2012

  It's entirely up to you who walks you down the aisle, and you can say this to whoever gives you any grief or brings up "hurt feelings."

  Report0 Reply
• achiduck member

  

  November 2012

  I agree with Bubbs- do what you want. It sounds like you really want your SD to walk you so that's what I would do. It's not anyone's decision but yours.
  
  As PP's have said, give your bio-dad a boutineer, sit in him the first row, etc.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• SJM7538 member

  

  November 2012

  So I have a similar situation. My relationship with my dad isn't strained but I'm closer with my step dad than my acutal dad. Ultimately my step dad understands and my father is going to walk me down the aisle, but I will be doing two father-daughter dances - or switching half way through so I don't bore my guests to death.
  
   I like the idea of switching halfway.

  Report0 Reply
• jenajjthr member

  

  November 2012

  The tradition of the dad walking the daughter down the aisle was to literally give away his responsibility for her to the husband who would now take responsibility for her care and well being.  If you want to go by that route, then your bio dad never did have that right to walk you down the aisle because he did not have the major responsibility of taking care of you, your step dad did, so he gets the job of "giving you away".
  
  If you are going by a more modern standard of having the honor of escorting you down the aisle for the role they played in your life, then once again your stepdad has EARNED this honor, not your bio dad. 
  
  Will you get flak from your bio dads family if you don't let him, probably.  Should you feel guilty if you don't?  No!  The only time you should feel guilt is when you do something wrong, not when you don't do something that other people are trying to force you to do.
  
  I had a bio dad who was almost non existent in my life.  I had a few moments of thinking should I have him walk me down the aisle, vs my stepdad who in 6 years was more of a dad thany biodad.  My first marriage I got out of it the cowardly way.  I got married at home so there was no "aisle" to walk down and I walked by myself.  My second marriage I knew there was no way biodad would do the walking and my relationship with my stepdad was better but I didn't want him to walk me down the aisle either.  I was up front and honest with both about why.  My stepdad understood and was okay with it.  Biodad made a small issue, but then let it drop. 
  
  Whatever you decide, decide from your heart.  Do no let anyone else force you to go against your heart.

  Report0 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  November 2012

  If you wanted both to walk you, having them on each side or having them each walk you half would make sense.  In your situation, it doesn't sound like you really want them both to walk you.  It sounds like you want your stepdad to escort you, but you are getting pressured into including your bio dad.  

  
  

  In this case, I recommend telling everyone to STFU and walk with your step dad.  Who walks you down the aisle has no effect on anyone else, and how you come to this decision is really no one else's business.  I think it sounds like you'll be happiest in the long run if you just ask your stepdad.  Ask him quietly, and don't mention it to anyone else until the wedding.  If anyone asks, just be evasive or say that you'll take their thoughts into consideration.  

  
  

  When you look back on your wedding in 10-20 years, won't you be happier that you stood your ground instead of walking with a bio dad that you weren't that close to just to placate other people?  

  Report0 Reply
• ksblumb member

  

  November 2012 edited November 2012

  I think if it is important for you to have your step-dad walk you down the isle, that is who should do it.
  
  Your step-dad could walk you down the isle, and then your real dad (who would be sitting in the front row) could stand and join you at the end, and when asked who gives you away they could both reply "we do".
  
  And then you could do father-daughter dance with your bio dad (giving him his turn in the spotlight) having your step-dad cut in halfway through.
  
  This way, they are both involved in both important events, and each one gets a turn at "going first".

  Report0 Reply
• MissB1386 member

  

  November 2012

  Thank you so much everyone, seriously made me feel better. Each post I read I was like "yeeeaa.. Yeeaaaa... YEEAA!!" LoL.. 

  
  

  I don't feel as bad anymore about it and I'll definitley look into more of the options but ultimately if I dont like the alternatives I'm going to just have my step dad walk me down the aisle. He earned it and deep down I know that that's what I want to do...

  
  

  Thanks again everyone! Happy wedding days! 

  Report0 Reply