Instead of gifts, "honeymoon donation?"

BustMuffins · June 2010

Hello Everyone!

I would like to know if it is rude to ask for a "honeymoon donation" instead of gifts. We really want to go on a nice honeymoon, but with the wedding expenses and him being in grad school, we can't really afford one. I don't see a problem because of course it is voluntary, but I just want to get input to make sure it isn't rude or tacky. Oh, and we would have a specified plan of when, where etc. for the honeymoon so people don't think we are just asking for money!

Thanks!

ohyouhavemyheart · June 2010

This is a VERY touchy topic..and people on this board are extremely against honeymoon registries/donations and the sort. I'm warning you now lol
PERSONALLY, I think its on the tacky side. Yes, its the year 2010 blah blah blah and its the new thing..seriously, i don't know who came up with this..but lets face it, weddings are weddings and people will always stay traditional in that sense..expect a card with a check in it from people who dont want to bother shopping through 60 pages of registered gifts or a rice cooker from people who want to actually get you something you need in your day to day life. I don't care how "modern and advanced" society is.. NO ONE wants to gift you a snorkel cruise/a day with the dolphins/a massage/excursions to the mayan ruins..NONE.
If you can't afford a honeymoon for x, y or z reason, downscale like the rest of us do and save the "dream trip" for a future anniversary. Stay classy, DO NOT by any means do a honeymoon registry or donation !!
eww.

aecappelli · June 2010

I agree with pp, and honestly if you don't register people will most likely give you money anyway. Don't ask for it.

cschuma2 · June 2010

Honeymoons are not necessary. My husband and I stayed in a jacuzzi suite on our wedding night and are now planning a vacation for August (10 months after the wedding) to make up for our lack of a honeymoon. It took us this long to save for a vacation, and oh well.

Don't register and most people will give cash. This is what we did and we made a down payment on a house with our wedding money. You can use yours for a honeymoon.

BustMuffins · June 2010

Wow, I guess it is a touchy subject. Being that we already live together and have most of our living essentials, it seems like a waste of money to get a bunch of junk in light of being "traditional", which we are not. Anyway, thanks for the helpful alternative advice cshuma, that's a great idea!

AmoroAgain · June 2010

God kills a bunny everytime someone asks about honeymoon registries.

Galaxy8227 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-gifts-honeymoon-donation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:0d749909-36eb-43ba-94f9-1a7d4debeb3dPost:bd690511-2c3e-4c2e-adf9-e53696e75cb8">Re: Instead of gifts, "honeymoon donation?"</a>:
[QUOTE]God kills a bunny everytime someone asks about honeymoon registries.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Agreed

orangejulius · June 2010

I'm not so much into the honeymoon registry. My personal thought is that the honeymoon is part of the whole wedding process and I wouldn't have my guests pay for, say, a catering registry to help out with the food, so this kind of falls into the same thing. If a couple can't afford a wedding with all the trimmings they want, then they need to scale back and not ask for their guests to help pay for it. Cash is usually given by many guests, so just replenish your funds when those start coming in.

hsal · June 2010

Theres actually a TON of websites devoted to honeymoon registries. And many people like the idea, its not as horrible as it sounds. My fiance and I have a house, all of our china that was passed down, a new bed, etc and saw no need to register at all and you would be surprised by how many people asked what we were doing for a honeymoon so that they could contribute towards that! Some people enjoy knowing that the 100 dollars they are giving you is going towards something that they can say "I gave them that!". A honeymoon is a gift to you and your new husband, whether you pay for it or someone else helps. You're going to get the money anyways and at least this way people know what youre using it for!

It also depends on you guys and your families. My grandmother feels like she needs to wrap up a microwave and my parents are so laid back that they bought us a 200 dollar gift card to the restaurant near the hotel where we are staying so we didnt have to pay for dinner when we go out! I'm not offended and they dont feel tacky-- its something we're going to need and we loved the idea!

If it's something you want to do, do it! People are getting married wearing yellow dresses, with a man of honor next to them, and have cupcake towers for wedding cakes-- no one's going ot not go to your wedding because you actually said what you'd love to get as a wedding gift! Good luck!

Goldlie11 · June 2010

This is a C & P from my answer in another thread...

I'm going to get flamed for this, but I don't think they're that bad. Here's why...

I know a couple who just went on their honeymoon (if you can call it that) almost 2 years into their marriage. Why? Because they spent money being excellent hosts. Their wedding was not super extravagant, but lots of money went into treating the 125 guests well. Everything was hosted, there was plenty of food, and they paid for the attire of the wedding party (around 10 people). So, I wouldn't mind donating to a honeymoon registry for them.

At the end of the day, no one is being forced to buy from a registry. And as a guest, I want to know that I'm giving something that the couple wants, not something that will sit in the cabinet collecting dust.

SarahM2012 · June 2010

II agree with stage manager. In general, I like the registry as an option. And even if you have "everything" it is a good time to upgrade/ replace things that are needed. Just a thought.

Cat24 · June 2010

I think it really depends on alot of things. We are thinking of doing a honeymoon registry as well, simply because we have more stuff than we need or even want at this point and I don't want to clutter up our place anymore. Now that being said, we're talking to our families about it just to make sure that they're cool with the idea before we do anything.

elizabethm4 · June 2010

Okay, but if you can't afford the honeymoon at all, what happens when the only thing that you get is a gift certificate for a massage at a resort you can't afford to stay at, in a place you can't afford to fly to?

Alanda1318 · June 2010

I think they are tacky, basically you are asking people to pay so that you and your new husband can have sex somewhere exotic... "Yeah, thanks grandma, that couples massage gift certificate was a great way to get our engines running to make you lots of great grand babies..." A honeymoon should be about spending time together as newlyweds. It doesn't matter if you just go back to your house and lock yourselves up for a week. It is getting to share time with your new husband. I think it is wrong to ask people to pay for a trip. A honeymoon to an exotic place isn't necessary... would you give your friend money towards a trip to Cancun? Probably not, and if you would I am sure it would be a loan not a gift. Take your time and save up for a vacation in a while, just because you aren't newlyweds doesn't mean you still can't have a good time on a trip.

dsds · June 2010

yes. u rude.

Speechie1970 · June 2010

I have been doing research on this topic and will tell you everything I am finding says a Honeymoon Registry is just fine. I know that there are certain people who want to buy traditional wedding gifts so I have suggestion for you. You will need to decide where you want to focus your gifts. If your focus is on getting honeymoon money, avoid a huge gift registry along with asking people for more money in the form of a honeymoon "donation." Give them a choice of one or the other. You can do a small traditional gift registry and a honeymoon registry. Check out sites like myregistry.com to see examples of how people register for honeymoon money. If you have a good travel agent they will also frequently do a honeymoon registry for you so people know what they give you is actually going towards your trip.

If need to get some extra cash for wedding or honeymoon expenses you can always do a "dollar dance" at your wedding too.

Please be aware that people are terribly judgemental of questions people ask on these blogs. Remember that people who know and love you will want to give you a gift you truly want/need. Many people realize a great honeymoon is going to bring you much more pleasure than a toaster. Some people think you should wait for your dream honeymoon until a later date (when you can afford it). You can also look at it from the point of view that you can upgrade your old school toaster later, but your honeymoon will only really be a honeymoon if you are still a newlywed. After that it becomes a romatic vacation.

I say do what you want as long as keep your guests in mind. A good balance is two registries - one traditional and one honeymoon is a good middle ground.

jbenti · June 2010

I dont know if they still do it or not. A friend of mine got married a few years and had been living together for a while and had everything. so on the shower invitation it indicated a website sendusoff.com where you could donate to their honeymoon. some people like to buy gifts so I would still register for something. Dont make people feel like they have to donate $$$$$ give them the choice good luck

BustMuffins · June 2010

Thanks everyone for the input. I agree that people do seem very harsh and judgmental. Lol, I think I should definitely take advice from the person who only wrote "u rude".

obxbride17 · June 2010

My FI and I are also considering a honeymoon registry. We went to a wedding last year where the couple had set one up and we thought it was a great idea! That is actually the gift we got them. These days, more and more people are waiting longer to get married and therefore usually have owned a house (or two) by the time they get married and don't really need a lot of the more traditional gifts that you would normally register for. My FI and I are in that same boat where we both owned homes prior to getting engaged and now have 2 sets of everything.

I think having 2 registries (traditional and honeymoon) is a great idea and gives your guests the option if they don't feel comfortable with contributing towards your honeymoon. We are paying for the wedding and honeymoon ourselves, so we will be booking a fairly standard room initially. Any additional money received via the registry would go towards upgrading our room or flights or a spa package or something like that. I personally don't see anything wrong with it, but then again, we aren't as hung up on tradition as some...

Bottom line....it's your wedding. Do what you want. Other people don't have to like it and they always have the option to give you whatever gift they feel is appropriate.

Patineuse1124 · June 2010

We're doing a HM registry at honeyfund.com, and have a traditional registry as well. I think having the traditional registry is good as some people like to give you something tangible. As PP said you have to be careful booking a honeymoon that you can't afford without help. If you can at least afford airfare (or gas for the car) and a budget hotel, then you should be OK, and then gifts will help you upgrade hotels and pay for activities. FI and I travel a lot so we would definitely buy something for somebody off of a HM registry so that we can share our love of travel with somebody else. If you need HM ideas feel free to PM me as I love all things travel related!

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-gifts-honeymoon-donation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:0d749909-36eb-43ba-94f9-1a7d4debeb3dPost:54390e3b-cc39-45f2-b4b2-b8e57f5d90f1">Re: Instead of gifts, "honeymoon donation?"</a>:
[QUOTE] I always give cash at weddings, unless there is some sort of cash registry like for a honeymoon or mortgage. Then I give a physical gift, just because I'm contrary like that.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Hahahahaha! I nearly always give an actual gift, but if I was a cash-giver, this would totally be my MO.

Patineuse1124 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-gifts-honeymoon-donation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:0d749909-36eb-43ba-94f9-1a7d4debeb3dPost:54390e3b-cc39-45f2-b4b2-b8e57f5d90f1">Re: Instead of gifts, "honeymoon donation?"</a>:
[QUOTE] I always give cash at weddings, unless there is some sort of cash registry like for a honeymoon or mortgage. Then I give a physical gift, just because I'm contrary like that.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
To me that is tacky.</div>

TheCranberry · June 2010

I think you have to know your crowd. Are your friends/family judgmental people who will kick up a fuss if you have a honeymoon registry? If they are and you care, then don't do it. I have older relatives who think wedding registries are tacky and buy whatever they want for the couple. Times change.

Ulitmately, you hope that people are giving from the heart, and you should accept in the same spirit.

I personally think honeymoon registries are fun, and I've given gifts off of one before. That way, I know that people will actually use the gift I give them rather than return it to the store for store credit (which is what a lot of my friends do with their Bloomingdales or BB&B registries).

AmareVincere · June 2010

I can't believe people are so obnoxious about this.

Ultimately, the guests decide what they would like to do for their gift. They can choose to give you whatever they want, whether or not your register!! If they think it's "obnoxious" to have a honeymoon registry, and they give you cash instead, you still can use that cash however you choose.

Many people have everything they need and don't want to ask guests for silly, trivial, MATERIALISTIC things like toasters and glass platters. So why not make suggestions? Many guests love the idea that their contribution allowed you to go scuba diving or golfing on your honeymoon. You can set up a registry so that they can choose exactly what they are contributing to. And if they don't want to contribute towards the honeymoon, they still have that option.

You need to remember that it is YOUR wedding. I think it's rude for people to criticize what others chose to do for their weddings.

Why ask for a blender if you don't need one? And as many people pointed out, if you don't register, people typically give you cash. So create a honeymoon registry for those who would like to encourage you and your idea, and those that don't like it can bring the traditional envelope, or even still bring a gift if they insist.

All I know is that the people criticizing must not know what it's like to be financially responsibile people saving for a house, and paying off student loans, AND trying to have a wedding. In those situations, it's not rude to ask the friends and family who love you for a little help.

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

This is always going to be beat to death.

I think its tacky and sucks. Theres my opinion.

amesy · June 2010

I actually found a very nice wedding registry website that helps us register our wishes and not material goods. It's worked out quite well so far, and all my relatives and family love the idea. We're all about being practical! haha

Check it out: Upon our Star www.uponourstar.com

SparrowSong · June 2010

I can't understand how anyone can plan a honeymoon without know how much money they'll even receive. I don't get how that works. Are people planning honeymoons for 6-9 months after the wedding so they can count up their gifts before booking a destination?

I'm really not all that opposed to honeymoon registries, but I find them a little pointless. I do think they mostly need to be for perks/excursions/a nice dinner etc. Basic airfare and hotel costs need to be covered already so that it can be booked ahead of time. And with 100-200 guests, exactly how many moonlight massages and lobster dinners can one couple use?

If someone doesn't any material goods they should just not register at all. No one wants to force a toaster on someone. Plenty of people, most people, probably will give a check. And you can do whatever you want with that, no questions asked. It just makes way more sense to me to do things that way.

aprovencher21 · June 2010

Honeymoon registries are tacky and classless. You are essentially asking your guests to give you money. Ick. The polite and classy way to handle this is through word of mouth. For example, your great-aunt asks your mother or you what you'd like as a gift and you casually mention that you are saving up for a new house, honeymoon, etc.

None of the registries work like you actually get the "massage" or dinner. The site just cuts you a check in the end (usually after taking a cut!). I also think its rude to ask your guests to pay for your vacation. Take a trip that you can afford.

jemmini6 · July 2010

i first heard of a honeymoon registry when my boyfriend's friend got married and I though it was a FANTASTIC idea. we will be doing the same for our wedding. we've been in our house for almost 2 years now and have everything we need for it, and it's all been bought since we've owned the home, so none of it needs replacing. i also hate the idea of registering for a vacuum or something....sounds so 1950. it also makes more sense for us anyways since we love to travel and having gifts of different adventures to do on our honeymoon would be much more useful then a table runner or fancy vase that we'll never use.

i don't know why so many people think it's tacky. if you register for gifts, you are telling your guests what to buy you. if you register for your honeymoon, you are telling your guests what to buy you....it's all the same to me. and frankly, when i'm buying wedding gifts for my friends, i'd rather get them something i know they'd actually use and enjoy, not something they registered for because it's "traditional" and they didn't want to offend anyone.

my take: if you want to do a honeymoon registry, do it. if your guests think it's tacky, that's too damn bad...its YOUR wedding and no one is forcing them to buy you anything.

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