Don't like engagement ring!

Kate0034 · February 2010

My FI and I have been planning our wedding for awhile now, but didn't get officially engaged till December (as in ring, proposal, etc.) We shopped for rings together prior to the proposal, but he picked out the actual ring on his own. I wanted to be surprised. Now...I'm regretting that decision. I'm VERY picky about jewelry so I'm thinking our best option would have been to pick one out together. I don't hate my ring...it's just not the cut that we picked out together, and it's a lot bulkier than i imagined. Overall I don't think it's "me".

We talked for awhile about exchanging it because after buying it, he realized it wasn't the cut he wanted to get (he asked for emerald cut--got a double baguette, didn't notice the difference at first and salesperson failed to tell him), but I could tell he didn't really want to exchange it. So I didn't push the issue. Now, I'm just hoping I can get used to it. I don't hate the way it looks, it's not ugly by any means, just doesn't feel like my taste. Anyone had a similar problem? Do you think I will eventually get used to it? It also bothers me a lot because it's bulky...I've never worn rings in my life and would have liked something smaller. I'm afraid that even if I get used to the look, I won't ever get used to wearing it. My fiance tried so hard to pick me out a great ring and I don't want to hurt his feelings by demanding to exchange it. Also, even if we did exchange it, I'm afraid it would lose all sentimental value. Any thoughts?

playtntsbpg30 · February 2010

I didn't read past the first paragraph. All I want to say is "Stop being a brat!"

Kate0034 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:db200b1f-27d2-4588-b794-7a52b889eb91">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read past the first paragraph. All I want to say is "Stop being a brat!"
Posted by playtnteppg27[/QUOTE]

If you would read past the first paragraph, you would probably have a different response.

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:db200b1f-27d2-4588-b794-7a52b889eb91">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read past the first paragraph. All I want to say is "Stop being a brat!"
Posted by playtnteppg27[/QUOTE]
Now, I don't think she is necessarily being a brat.

Can we see it? Also, can I see a picture of what you wanted?

sucrets4 · February 2010

I think all of your questions are completely personal and no one here can answer them for you. Some people are very sentimental, others are not. Some people like bigger rings, some like smaller.

I can't tell you if you'll get used to it or not. And only you can know if your FI would be offended by exchanging it.

anna.oskar · February 2010

I don't think she's being a brat. She's posting because she doesn't want to hurt her FI's feelings and is wondering if anyone has experience "getting used to" a ring.

I had a similar experience. I am not a jewelry wearer hardly at all. I love the ring (then) FI picked out but it just felt like I was playing dress-up and that it was way too big/wide for my hand. I decided to not say anything because I AM super-sentimental and could never give up the ring he picked out on his own. I totally love it now and I feel like it is an extension of myself.

ggmae · February 2010

My ring wasn't exactly what I had in mind (we hadn't discussed rings before he got it), but I grew to love it. I appreciated the time, energy, and money that DH put into getting it for me and that trumped any thoughts that I had about the cut not being right (I would have preferred princess, but he got me a round cut.) But, I'm sentimental like that and could never exchange it.

Now there are others who would say that it is something you will wear forever and that you have to love it. It's up to you though.

mmdpm · February 2010

Pics?

RachNRich · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:db200b1f-27d2-4588-b794-7a52b889eb91">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read past the first paragraph. All I want to say is "Stop being a brat!"
Posted by playtnteppg27[/QUOTE]

<div>All I want to say is "shut it."</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>OP---Like Sucrets said, a lot of what you're asking is your own personal preference--only you can answer most of your own questions. </div>

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

Sucrets is righ,t it's hard to say. I know personally, I have an idea of what I want if I got something else I'd probably be fine with however, if I got a style I hated I would be willing to exchange it. Thats a completly personal thing though and I don't see anything wrong with it.

Now, if you're whining because you wanted 2 carats and only got 1 then I think you're a brat.

ggmae · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:d9e1ee1d-1036-4d4b-97da-a84b6f0627d2">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]Sucrets is righ,t it's hard to say. I know personally, I have an idea of what I want if I got something else I'd probably be fine with however, if I got a style I hated I would be willing to exchange it. Thats a completly personal thing though and I don't see anything wrong with it.<strong> Now, if you're whining because you wanted 2 carats and only got 1 then I think you're a brat.</strong>
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

She's saying that what she has is too bulky, so I'm guessing that's not the case here.

kate51485 · February 2010

bah! not another kate numbers!

I'm not sure how to advise on this. I know for sure, personally, if I exchanged the original ring that FI proposed with, I would feel a big loss of sentimentality. But, I'm sappy like that. If you're not as much, maybe that would be an option. I'd give it some time though, you may learn to love it.

I was not a big ring wearer prior to being engaged, and I got used to the feel of a bigger ring pretty quickly.

sucrets4 · February 2010

I wore rings before getting engaged, but still am very aware of my ering, and it's not even that bulky.

I love my ering, and I'm glad that we picked it out together.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

IT seems like it is SORT of similar in cut... I mean, at least emerald and double baguette are both sort of... square.

I also rarely wear jewelry. But I picked my own ring. But even then I wasn't 100% sure it was right. What if there was a better ring out there?! But I do really love it and so does my FI. If your FI likes it and picked it thinking you would too "originally" and used it to propose, I think all that sentiment (and wearing it everyday) will lead to you liking it.

Do you wear it or is it so bad that you don't want to wear it at all?

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:7e71c884-c41a-4cf4-acb1-dbd0d5c0a7db">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : She's saying that what she has is too bulky, so I'm guessing that's not the case here.
Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]
Haha yea, I meant to mention that it doesn't seem to be the case here.
p.s. T knows a princess cut is out of the question for me. :P

tenofcups4me · February 2010

There's a post about 15 down from this one called "Engagement Ring Poll" that might interest you. It pretty much discusses this issue -- what would you do if you got a ring you didn't like. You'll see a variety of responses, but ultimately like the others said already, it's really a personal decision -- it depends on how much you don't like it, whether or not you get "used to it," how open your FH is to exchanging it... There's really no "right" answer.

Kate0034 · February 2010

Here is the ring he got me--just the engagement band though, not the wedding band. The picture is sort of weird...the metal on the actual ring is bulky but not QUITE so bad as it looks in the picture. It's really much prettier in person.

Like I said, it's not a bad ring. I feel stupid for even questioning it because I've gotten so many compliments on it. It just doesn't feel like "me" I guess. And honestly I want something smaller! How crazy is that? Ha.

Anna--I'm glad to hear you weren't used to wearing jewelry either and you love your ring now. That's encouraging! Maybe I just need to get comfortable with wearing a ring.

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:d9bc18cb-e4b6-452a-b745-502d5dc6c8a7">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]There's a post about 15 down from this one called "Engagement Ring Poll" that might interest you. It pretty much discusses this issue -- what would you do if you got a ring you didn't like. You'll see a variety of responses, but ultimately like the others said already, it's really a personal decision -- it depends on how much you don't like it, whether or not you get "used to it," how open your FH is to exchanging it... There's really no "right" answer.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I thought that was from a few days ago...the one that whit started?

ggmae · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:7a83da93-cc11-4bf7-b1ed-d658f45e7e6e">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wore rings before getting engaged, but still am very aware of my ering, and it's not even that bulky. I love my ering, and <strong>I'm glad that we picked it out together.</strong>
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

I was talking with my best friend the other day (who has been talking with her bf about getting engaged), and she was telling me that she has been sending me pictures of rings that she likes. He asked for them, obviously. I told her that feel like I missed out a bit because N and I didn't talk about or look at e-rings together, but the whole LDR thing kind of made that difficult I guess. Good thing he knows that I like simple jewelry!

tenofcups4me · February 2010

It is from a few days ago. I have my pages set up so that I see posts according to how recently someone's responded, not when it was originally posted. So on my page, it's not that far down.

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:1102e21b-4802-4b6c-bb63-7c76989894fc">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : I was talking with my best friend the other day (who has been talking with her bf about getting engaged), and she was telling me that she has been sending me pictures of rings that she likes. He asked for them, obviously. I told her that feel like I missed out a bit because N and I didn't talk about or look at e-rings together, but the whole LDR thing kind of made that difficult I guess. Good thing he knows that I like simple jewelry!
Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]

I think it would have been easier if we didn't have my grandmother's stone to work with. We were limited to round settings and I wanted something that enhanced the stone and didn't want a solitaire since that's what my mom had.

mmdpm · February 2010

Well you are the one who has to wear it for the rest of your life or until you get an anniversary band. So in the end it is your decision. All I can say is good luck.

But if it helps IMO it's really pretty.

ggmae · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:95422bbe-dbc2-466a-b3d0-080cd8c5dc71">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : I think it would have been easier if we didn't have my grandmother's stone to work with. We were limited to round settings and I wanted something that enhanced the stone and didn't want a solitaire since that's what my mom had.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Well, you did a great job finding the perfect setting. Your ring is gorgeousssss!

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:cadbaa57-c428-44ff-802e-08231892d26f">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : Well, you did a great job finding the perfect setting. Your ring is gorgeousssss!
Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I'm still so in love with it. But I adore how great your band looks with your ering and it makes me jealous that I didn't get that, lol.

ggmae · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:542d43af-b92e-490b-9efd-48a41b39a325">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : Thanks! I'm still so in love with it. But I adore how great your band looks with your ering and it makes me jealous that I didn't get that, lol.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Aw, thanks! I really have no idea what you're talking about though. My e-ring and band are kind of simple and plain. Which is my style of course, but nothing to be jealous of!

anna.oskar · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:aecf9139-1593-451a-9997-6a031fbace15">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]. Anna--I'm glad to hear you weren't used to wearing jewelry either and you love your ring now. That's encouraging! Maybe I just need to get comfortable with wearing a ring.
Posted by Kate0034[/QUOTE]

It took a lot of getting use to it. I kept worrying that it had fallen off my finger or that I'd break it since I constantly hit it against walls and counters. i even got it caught in my hair a few times. It took a few months but now it really is like a part of my body.

Kate0034 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:d713b8dd-b0c2-4c98-8ea2-d14f510b6ca0">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know for sure, personally, if I exchanged the original ring that FI proposed with, I would feel a big loss of sentimentality. But, I'm sappy like that. If you're not as much, maybe that would be an option.
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm pretty sentimental too. I think if we had exchanged it immediately, it wouldn't have bothered me as much. But now that I've been wearing it for a few months, it probably would. Ugh! It's so confusing!

And msmerymac-- yes, I do wear it. I actually left it off to go to work one day and I missed wearing it!! I love wearing an engagement ring because I'm so happy to be engaged...I'm just having a hard time being content with this particular ring. But again I say, I don't HATE it at all.

SarahSmile23 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:aecf9139-1593-451a-9997-6a031fbace15">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the ring he got me--just the engagement band though, not the wedding band. The picture is sort of weird...the metal on the actual ring is bulky but not QUITE so bad as it looks in the picture. It's really much prettier in person. Like I said, it's not a bad ring. I feel stupid for even questioning it because I've gotten so many compliments on it. It just doesn't feel like "me" I guess. And honestly I want something smaller! How crazy is that? Ha. Anna--I'm glad to hear you weren't used to wearing jewelry either and you love your ring now. That's encouraging! Maybe I just need to get comfortable with wearing a ring.
Posted by Kate0034[/QUOTE]
I have never actually been on the fence about this topic before. I always encourage the poster to try to love the ring he proposed with. However, as I looked at the ring you posted, all I could imagine was how horrible it would have looked on me and how impractical it would have been. Not that it's an ugly ring. It's a very pretty ring. But I have tiny hands and a large ring like that would have been uncomfortable. If you really feel like it's too bulky for your finger, that's a little different than stomping your feet because it isn't the exact shape of diamond you want. Perhaps the two of you could go to the jewelry store together with open minds and see how he feels when he sees a similar but less bulky ring on your finger? If it's extremely similar to the one he got you, I'll bet nobody would even notice and he wouldn't have to be publicly embarrassed by the whole ordeal. And try not to complain about it to everybody in your real life behind his back. My FSIL did that and eventually made him get her a new ring (he had one custom made exactly how she wanted and she decided she wanted a totally diff style) and we all judge her for it.

Good luck!

future-mrs · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:aecf9139-1593-451a-9997-6a031fbace15">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the ring he got me--just the engagement band though, not the wedding band. The picture is sort of weird...the metal on the actual ring is bulky but not QUITE so bad as it looks in the picture. It's really much prettier in person. Like I said, it's not a bad ring. I feel stupid for even questioning it because I've gotten so many compliments on it. It just doesn't feel like "me" I guess. And honestly I want something smaller! How crazy is that? Ha. Anna--I'm glad to hear you weren't used to wearing jewelry either and you love your ring now. That's encouraging! Maybe I just need to get comfortable with wearing a ring.
Posted by Kate0034[/QUOTE]

I think your ring is really pretty...but if you can't stand it maybe consider exchanging it. I would wear it for awhile first and just see if it grows on you or you "get used to it." I find it a little hard to belive that FI's don't at least get a little offended at their FI's wanting to exchange e-rings. It's a big deal (IMO) for guy's to take the time to pick out rings...most of them aren't jewelry savvy anyways or just don't care about sparkly items like we do. Maybe see if you get used to it or go shopping for wedding bands to jazz it up a bit, maybe that will help??

Kate0034 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:af028e2c-f026-4e49-8777-c54615c38b69">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't like engagement ring! : I find it a little hard to belive that FI's don't at least get a little offended at their FI's wanting to exchange e-rings. It's a big deal (IMO) for guy's to take the time to pick out rings...
Posted by future-mrs[/QUOTE]

I agree. And my FI is the sweetest guy ever and I would never want to hurt him. That's why I'm hoping I'll just get used to it.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I really really do appreciate it.

kimheartsscott · February 2010

I love my ring, but sometimes I do think of other things I may like better. I have a cushion cut solitaire, and sometimes I dream of a princess cut middle stone with two sapphires to either side. But, the moment my fiance put the ring on my finger and it fit perfectly (I didn't even know my ring size) is something that would keep me from ever changing my ring. Too sentimental.

Plus, its my fault for being finicky and changing my mind all the time. If I did have sapphires, I'm sure I would dream of the ring I have now.

Don't like engagement ring!

Re: Don't like engagement ring!

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