What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?

loganelaine · January 2010

Hi!

One of my bridesmaids is a pampered chef consultant. She wants to throw me a pampered chef shower, where basically, she hosts a show to sell her products, but then guests also see a list of things me & my fiancee registered for and can buy them for us. I've been to a pampered chef shower before, and honestly, it was awkward. I felt like I had to buy something for myself AND the bride (who I would have bought other gifts for anyways...but not necissarily pampered chef items). I would rather invite my friends to a traditional shower and/or a bridal/leingerie shower.

How do I tell this bridesmaid that I'm not interested...or am I stuck with a shower that don't want?

AmoroAgain · January 2010

Oh yeah... I don't dig those at all. They're kind of terrible imo. Just tell her you're not comfortable with that idea.

betrothed123 · January 2010

Tell her you're not comfortable with that type of shower. If she insists, decline the shower.

ohwhynot · January 2010

Oh god, no. Just say no - no way no way no way. First, it's basically a money-making opportunity for her, which is way rude for her to suggest. Second, those are horrible and everyone feels pressured to buy way overpriced gadgets. Find a way to decline - I would be so embarassed to have my friends and family invited to one of these in my "honor."

Suggest a partylites shower instead.

Kidding!

ac_in_dc · January 2010

Ugh. Yeah, I'd decline the shower.

It's totally acceptable to decline a shower, etiquette wise, but it doesn't make it any less awkward.

If there's an alternative shower being proposed by someone, that makes it easier, or you could just say you'd prefer a traditional shower.

Pirata13 · January 2010

Yeah I'd put a stop to that. If you don't mind hosting/attending a separate Pampered Chef PARTY where you and some of your girlfriends come and taste and shop for yourselves only, maybe let her know that. But yeah, I would be very uncomfortable with my friends & family attending that kind of "shower". I feel like they would feel like they HAD to buy Pampered Chef items and what if they wanted to get me other items like sheets, towels etc?

vallyhoo · January 2010

Yeah, I'd be discussing this with her ASAP letting her know that I am in no way comfortable with that idea.

FutureMrsTR · January 2010

Reading the subject I was ready to bust out with the standard "You can't plan your own shower bridezilla!" BUT in this case I think it's ok to tell your friend you'd be uncomfortable with this type of shower and don't want people to be pressured to buy you certain things.

She might throw it anyway and then you'd just have to suck it up, but hopefully she'll understand. But I think it's really tacky to turn a bridal shower you're throwing for someone else into a money making venture for yourself.

EDIT: Oooh, you learn something new every day. I didn't know that it was ok to decline a shower someone wanted to throw. Good to know

Definitely decline that one, haha.

BecW2be · January 2010

Oh God that sucks that she's the BM and she's wanting to do this for herself. Definitely politely decline that basket of overpriced kitchen crap insanity.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

Wow. What a horrible idea. Definitely decline the shower.

sarabellam · January 2010

Good call on not wanting your shower guests to endure the high pressure sales pitch at what is supposed to be a fun event. You've just got to come flat out and thank her for her offer, but tell her you aren't comfortable with that type of shower.

buttaflai · January 2010

[QUOTE]How do I tell this bridesmaid that I'm not interested...or am I stuck with a shower that don't want?
Posted by loganelaine[/QUOTE]

Just tell her. She's your bridesmaid so I'm assuming you have some sort of close relationship with her. Just explain that you feel uncomfortable with it and would prefer it not be a pampered chef party.

danieliza1127 · January 2010

I responded on the Pre-wedding Parties board.

loganelaine · January 2010

Thanks everyone!

[Deleted User] · January 2010

I agree turn it down.

Galaxy8227 · January 2010

I think it's a good idea to sit down and explain to her that this isn't the type of shower you want. As a guest of the shower I would find it a bit odd to see one of the BM's trying to make money off of your shower.

mwhitson14 · January 2010

I had a Pampered Chef shower and it was awesome. The hostess made absolutely no money, and I got tons of great stuff. I made a huge list of items (just like a regular registry) from $5 to $80 and received everything I wanted, even a $400 set of cookware. Thesr things don't have to be tacky. There was no pitch, just really good food and the women placed orders for me as well as for themselves. Well maybe y'all consider that tacky, but no one that was invited thought it was. PC showers are huge around here. Too bad all my cookware and kitchen items are overpriced kitchen crap. I was pretty excited.

kikibaby · January 2010

<--- Disappointed.

I was hoping this was about golden showers. I don't want that kind of shower!

loganelaine · January 2010

mwhitson14--How did your consultant not make any money? Did she give her profits to you as a gift? Because I know my BM makes commission off of all of her sales.

kiki--what's a golden shower?

[Deleted User] · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-certain-kind-of-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6df95a40-33d3-4dfe-93aa-70c2a66df820Post:c147648f-96aa-4f1c-a7c5-b431d1652e5a">Re: What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?</a>:
[QUOTE] kiki--what's a golden shower?
Posted by loganelaine[/QUOTE]

Oh dear.

mwhitson14 · January 2010

She did give all the commission to me as a gift, I was listed as the hostess in the computer (not on the invite, but in her computer so that I would get the credit) and her commission she puts towards helping me buy the cookware. The month I had my shower, the 7piece set was on sale for $400, so I was planning on getting it. Several contributed towards that, plus with her commission, I didn't pay a dime. I was thrilled.

BecW2be · January 2010

Whit, there's a difference between hosting a shower like this and being the consultant for a shower like this. If you wanted the PC stuff, then it was a great shower for you, and it was nice of your hostess to throw it for you. But this BM wanting to throw one for the commission is tacky.

It's kind of like your BM being a commission-paid employee of Bed, Bath & Beyond and throwing you a shower in the breakroom, while guests shopped the store for your gifts. Ick.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-certain-kind-of-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6df95a40-33d3-4dfe-93aa-70c2a66df820Post:c147648f-96aa-4f1c-a7c5-b431d1652e5a">Re: What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?</a>:
[QUOTE] Because I know my BM makes commission off of all of her sales. kiki--what's a golden shower?
Posted by loganelaine[/QUOTE]

Don't google it at work..

mwhitson14 · January 2010

Bec, I know. I was just trying to say that it doesn't have to be completely tacky. If her BM is a consultant, she can do like mine did and say, All my commission is yours. I mean, she may not, but that's how all the PC showers around here; we know the consultant/hostess is not making any money off the shower.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

I think MWHitson makes a good point. It doesn't have to be tacky. However, if it makes you uncomfortable, by all means you should decline the shower. This may mean that you don't end up having a shower at all, but that's ok too.

danieliza1127 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-certain-kind-of-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6df95a40-33d3-4dfe-93aa-70c2a66df820Post:3225e7ce-ee9a-4d25-ac7f-b17b76634072">Re: What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]There was no pitch, just really good food and the women placed orders for me as well as for themselves.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

I think that's the point of why some feel it's tacky. The guests may feel obligated to not only buy a gift for you (which they were already planning to do since it's your shower) but to also buy something for themselves when normally they wouldn't. Most people do feel obligated to buy at least something when they go to a party like that, whether it be PC or Mary Kay or PartyLite or whatever.

kikibaby · January 2010

Just imagine something golden that is liquid that one could be showered in.

And yes, don't google it at work.

mwhitson14 · January 2010

Right Dani, which is why I mentioned they are big in my area, and no one feels obligated or that it's tacky.

danieliza1127 · January 2010

Why can't anyone just say it? A golden shower is when someone pees on you in a sexual situation. For fun, because you like it.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

Whit, calm down there. It's so tasteless to have this type of shower. You may as well have put an ATM in the living room.

mwhitson14 · January 2010

I didn't know I was worked up Amoro. I was just pointing out an alternative.

What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?

Re: What if I don't want a certain kind of shower?

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