Wedding Woes

Stress is Building- Any Advice?

When I told my parents that FI and I were engaged my mother promised us $25,000 to help us pay for our wedding.  This was just amazing, because for years my father had told me that I would have to pay for my own wedding and I had been saving accordingly (he thought it was a great idea, ever since my older cousin paid for her own wedding).

Recently, though, things have been a bit turbulent on the home front:
  • My parents who have been married for 33 years and have argued for as long as I can remember are talking about divorce.
  • While I currently have a job, I will be out of work at the end of June and am searching for new employment. Nothing is lined up yet.
  • Unexpected medical bills have cut into a large amount of my savings.
While I want to have my pretty princess day, I do not want to have it at the expense of my parents happiness. I do not want to add to their (potential) financial hardship (lawyer fees, division of assets, etc.) and stress should they decide to go through with their talks of divorce. I am thinking about declining my mother's offer and just paying for everything ourselves. This would mean that it would be going from a formal wedding with about 150-200 guests to a much more casual wedding with a much smaller guest list.

Am I jumping the gun here? Nothing's for certain but I don't want my parents to stroke out on me (both are in their 60's). I would prefer that they get to meet any future grandchildren.

Re: Stress is Building- Any Advice?

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    yes, cut back.  A LOT.

    you can always add more people.  you can't cut them after you've already invited them.

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  • AmitzahAmitzah member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We were just in the talking stages, nothing set in stone.  No invitations have been ordered, let alone sent.  We haven't even had a chance to check out venues.

    Any advice on how to limit their stress? I'm serious about the stroke thing.
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    let them know that you are there, you support their decisions, you care about their health, both emotional and physical and so on. 

    talk less about the wedding, other than letting them know you want them there.  decline their offer, put the wedding off for another year and pay for it yourself.

    image
  • edited December 2011
    No one is going to worry about your wedding as much as you. If you keep YOUR stress level down and don't complain to your parents, THEY should be fine (relatively speaking). Politely decline their offer and plan your small, casual wedding without involving them.
    image
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I would probably postpone until my job situation was squared away, but that's just me.
    image
  • AmitzahAmitzah member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wifezilla:  Everyone's, to be honest.  I definitely do not want them committing to a promise that was made before all of this started going down.

    MinM:  I can try to limit my complaining, though that may be a miracle in and of itself.

    hmonkey & Kuus:  Postponing, as much as it pains me to say, is probably the smartest choice.  I'll just have to put on my big girl pants and deal with the disappointment from that. 5 years to get to this point... I can last another few if that's what it takes. :(
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It'll be fine.  And just think, when the big day does roll around, your skin won't look all crappy from stress.
    image
  • AmitzahAmitzah member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That does help put things in perspective.
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