Worst. Check. Ever.

LoveAdopted · February 2010

I feel like a broken record, but this situation/problem/I don't know what to call it won't go away.

I've had an awful time trying to get my sisters together to shop for bridesmaid dresses. The few times I was actually able to make appointments, they cancelled. This had been going on since September. On Monday I was supposed to go shopping with one of my sisters, and she cancelled. So I went by myself, found something I thought would look nice on them and that I could be happy with.

Friday night she sent me a text saying that she could go shopping with me Saturday. I told her I already had plans for the whole day, and that I had picked a dress. She was pissed and immediately called my other sister.

Anyway, they went to the shop yesterday to get measured and order the dresses, sending me these nasty text all day like "It would have been nice if you asked us before you chose the dress" and "I didn't know we had to pay half today, I'll order it when I have money". Ok, I never told them they had to go to order them yesterday, and actually last Saturday I told them they could just go pick something in navy that they liked and we would be done with it.

No matter what I do, this is just getting worse and worse. I haven't asked them to do anything else, but I feel like this was unavoidable. I don't expect them to come with me for anything else, and now I am starting to reconsider having them get ready with me because I'm afraid they will find something else to be stressed and b!itchy about. I just don't know what to do :-/

LexiMS · February 2010

I am so sorry, that sounds like a bad situation. I think you did what you had to do, and they are just going to have to deal with it. Best case scenario they come around and they are really helpful on the day of. Worst case, you let them know you let them know you would rather have time alone to get ready. I wouldn't make that discision quite yet.

Is your Mom in the picture? Could she moderate this situation? Maybe ask your sisters to be a little more mature about the situation or be abe to tell you their side without it coming out as snarky from them?

megandjay · February 2010

Have you tried telling them how you feel? How they have made you feel? If you don't think they will listen, then maybe just ignore it?

LoveAdopted · February 2010

Update: One sister just texted me asking to find a cheaper dress. Fine. But I'm not killing myself to find one that looks great on them anymore.

Lexi, our mom died three years ago. It's killing me, especially now. When things are good they tell me how sorry they am that I have no one close to me involved in this-our mother, my grandmother died in the fall, my grandfather's health is failing, and I am not close to any of my aunts. So when we talk about it and I tell them how I'm feeling, they are super supportive and loving, but that all vanishes, literally the next day.

kbmeow · February 2010

How much did the original dress you found cost?

LexiMS · February 2010

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I am sure that makes the whole thing worse. Lets see if we can help you...whats the price range you want, long/short, fabric?

Blueyed228 · February 2010

I think they are being completly unreasonable. I dont know how many more chances I would give before I give up and tell them Im not having BM's. I think you should remind them that you had made many attempts to get them together for this, and that they blew you off.

Just give them a date, and tell them if they do not decide on something by that date, then they need to go order the dress you picked out. Period.

Just curious, are these older or younger sisters? Ages? If they are really young, they might not understand the importance behind it. If they are old enough to know better than they are just being brats.

LMKINSER · February 2010

I had trouble with my 1 of my bridesmaids. I was so excited to take my bridesmaids shopping for their dress, (I had 2 of the 4, since 2 live across the country) I thought I was the coolest bride ever. I brought them in to the shop and said pick, it had to be my color, and it couldn't be strapless, but I wanted them to feel comfortable and look great. My two said it was the best time they ever had picking out a dress. My FI 2 sisters live in Washington State. ! was fine and loved the dress. The other complained the whole time about everything, the price, style, color, (afraid she would look like a blueberry) and that it wouldn't cover her arm tattoo (for an august wedding) I couldn't win. She finally decided it would be better for her to just come as a guest. She has recently bought her own dress, it is more expensive than the 1 I picked out, and it is all silver with rhinestones. (She looks like a disco ball in it)

My Point is maybe it has nothing to do with the dress, and it has to do with them not being happy with themselves or the situation, and no matter what you decided they are going to make you miserable as long as you let them. I had to stand up to mine with FI's help. Good Luck

laura030 · February 2010

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry they are giving you such a hard time!!! Where did you look for dresses? For my bridesmaids I picked the colors and a couple styles from Alfred Angelo and then my sisters went and made the final decision (They definitely weren't cheap, but not as expensive as some bridesmaids dresses can be, around $170). Or maybe you could pick a color and they could pick their own styles with another brand that has a lot of different styles and is not super expensive, like David's Bridal? But the fact that you already gave them the option to pick something in the color and it didn't might mean something else is at play as the previous poster said. Jealously? Sister relationships can be so complicated! I hope things work out -- this is definitely not something that should be stressful for you!!

megandjay · February 2010

Yes, tell us what you are looking for and maybe we can help...color? fabric? style? price range?

EKobrenski · February 2010

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with them. I'm so sorry about your recent losses. I wonder if part of the problem may be that they are picturing your wedding happening without these people, which makes them sad, which makes them act out. I don't know any of the background but I'm just guessing based on another situation a friend had that was somewhat similar.

Either way, it's not fair at all that you have to deal with this. Let us know if we can help find a dress! Another thing to do might be to ask them how much they want to spend, then put in the rest for them. Not fair, but it might save you some grief.

LoveAdopted · February 2010

You are all so sweet! Thanks for offering to help, I really appreciate it.

The original dress was $180, which I agree is a lot but like some of you said it's not "expensive" for a bridesmaid dress. But like I said I would be more than happy if they just picked something themselves, even at a department store. How had can it be to find a short, navy dress?I don't think they realize what they are going to get for $100, because we have tried those on and they don't like them, including just about every style that David's carries.

Anyway, I am thinking satin, they like strapless, and it absolutely cannot flare out very much at the bottom. Which is another huge issue because most of the short dresses do that.

And Blueeyed- they are much older- 12/13 years (different dads). They have both been married so I'm not understanding how they don't know that you have to make appointments to look at dresses, shocked at the cost of different things, etc.

As much as I wish I could, I don't think not having them as bridesmaids was ever an option. When I got engaged they were asking and talking about it as if it was automatic... which is what I wanted, I just never thought it would come to this. Asking them to step down would cause a huge blowout, and as much as they are making me miserable, they each have two kids and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationships with them.

Thank you all sooo much for your support and advice!

EKobrenski · February 2010

I think my BM dresses might meet your criteria (navy,strapless, don't flair out), but they were about $225. My BMs really like them though. Most of them waited for a 25% off sale and bought it then. PIB

LoveAdopted · February 2010

Ekobs, I do love your bm dress! I forgot about Jcrew.

I am going with my MOH to order her dress tonight, and I went onto Alfred Angelos website and wrote down the style #s of the cheapest dresses so I can take a look at them in person tonight. I just want to do whatever it takes to get this over and done with!!

EKobrenski · February 2010

Good luck

They can't say you didn't make an effort!

jwatts23 · February 2010

Love, sounds like you are really trying and making an effort when most people would have given up. Stick with it, hope things work out

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