How to invite co-workers so soon to wedding

FutureMrsKupko · March 2013

So I started a new job late December and I absolutely love my team. Since we had several people say no to attending our wedding, I wanted to invite my team ( 8 of us) to the wedding. Is there a proper way to invite co workers to wedding so it doesnt seem awkward? I dont want anyone to feel attend either. So I am trying to find the most tasteful way to do this. Thoughts?

mabapunta · March 2013

Is your wedding in town or would they have to travel? Have your co-workers asked you about the wedding - do they keep up with it? Do you hang out together outside your work environment?

I don't know the etiquette on this, but if you really want to invite them, do you have any leftover invites? Could you write a little note with each one expressing what you already said - how you have really enjoyed their friendship and that you would love for them to join you on your special day? Maybe the extra note isn't necessary - maybe just a verbal mention? Because then you could just bring them to work and maybe meet up with each person separately, or in a team meeting if it can spare a moment?

I would expect them to realize that they're not a B list or anything since you just met them. And if they really support you, they will be thrilled to be invited!

ChiGirl2013 · March 2013

Assuming your invites went out in the past few weeks like most of us, why didn't you just invite them then? You've been at that job for 2.5 months - enough time to know the type of relationship you've developed. Did you not invite them because your guest list was full and now that you've had some no responses, you want to invite them? That sounds like what you're doing and it's considered really rude.

Obviously, you can still invite them, just be prepared for them to know that they were on the B list - which won't help your camraderie at work. They're going to know they didn't make the initial guest list, especially since your RSVP date is going to be so close to the time they get their invite. I don't know..... I probably wouldn't do it just because I wouldn't want to offend anyone by letting them know they were on the B list. If you're as tight as you say, they'll probably do something for you at work and you can celebrate with them then. If you DO invite them, remember that each should have a +1, so it won't be 8 guests, it will be 16.

tiny speck · March 2013

I wouldn't B-list them. It will be pretty obvious if you only have 4 weeks to go before the wedding (your rsvp date must be coming up soon too). There isn't a tasteful or not awkward way to do this...

vk2204 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:3d49511c-aa0a-4390-a928-daae074f8185">Re: How to invite co-workers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't B-list them. It will be pretty obvious if you only have 4 weeks to go before the wedding (your rsvp date must be coming up soon too). There isn't a tasteful or not awkward way to do this...
Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

This.

Like PP said, why didn't you just invite them when the invitations went out a few weeks ago?

FutureMrsKupko · March 2013

My invitations went out 2 weeks after I started working. I really did not know them then. : I am just starting to get to know people....I thought it would be so awkward to invite people after knowing them for 2 weeks. They all seem so excited for my wedding, I thought they might appreciate that I would want them at my wedding..... I started working right before Christmas. And my wedding is in Pittsburgh...3 hours away. But a lot of my coworker are Pittsburgh fans.. Ps. Our guest list was set 6 months ago before I started my new job.

vk2204 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:d72b1800-57bf-47af-8e61-c511d6398633">Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]My invitations went out 2 weeks after I started working. I really did not know them then. : I am just starting to get to know people....I thought it would be so awkward to invite people after knowing them for 2 weeks. They all seem so excited for my wedding, I thought they might appreciate that I would want them at my wedding..... I started working right before Christmas. And my wedding is in Pittsburgh...3 hours away. But a lot of my coworker are Pittsburgh fans.. Ps. Our guest list was set 6 months ago before I started my new job.
Posted by FutureMrsKupko[/QUOTE]

1. You sent your invitations out WAY too early.

2. I am a fan of a lot of things, but that should have nothing to do with how far someone is willing to travel for a wedding...

Either way, it seems you are only wanting to invite them because other people have declined. That is a b-list and those are rude.

FutureMrsKupko · March 2013

Ok didnt realize it could make people that upset to be invited to my wedding. Ill just forget it. Thanks girls!

[Deleted User] · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:775eb494-d41f-48e5-9c31-d35d6c7f49db">Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok didnt realize it could make people that upset to be invited to my wedding.
Posted by FutureMrsKupko[/QUOTE]

It may not actually upset them that much but it's a good rule of thumb to follow just in case it does. You want to keep these new friendships/work relationships strong. In the event someone did take it the wrong way, they would have a reason to start talking about you behind your back and you don't want that, especially if you just started working there recently :-)

There were a few more coworkers I would have liked to invite to my wedding but I didn't. I chose the two girls I actually hang out with all of the time outside of work, my direct supervisor, because we work 10 feet from each other and he's one of my dive buddies at work and one of my other dive buddies. I'm friendly with everyone at work but those four are the only ones that actually know me really well outside of work. I feel like everyone at work wanted an invitation just to say they were invited but let's face it, none of them would have driven 13 hours for my wedding and I don't actually hang out with them outside of work very often(occasional happy hours, very occasional). Luckily, I won't be working here after the wedding so if anyone was actually upset, which they aren't, I would at least have an escape mechanism, lol.

FutureMrsKupko · March 2013

In Response to Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding:Ok didnt realize it could make people that upset to be invited to my wedding. Posted by FutureMrsKupkoIt may not actually upset them that much but it's a good rule of thumb to follow just in case it does.nbsp; You want to keep these new friendships/work relationships strong.nbsp; In the event someone did take it the wrong way, they would have a reason to start talking about you behind your back and you don't want that, especially if you just started working there recently :There were a few more coworkers I would have liked to invite to my wedding but I didn't.nbsp; I chose the two girls I actually hang out with all of the time outside of work, my direct supervisor, because we work 10 feet from each other and he's one of my dive buddies at work and one of my other dive buddies.nbsp; I'm friendly with everyone at work but those four are the only ones that actually know me really well outside of work.nbsp; I feel like everyone at work wanted an invitation just to say they were invited but let's face it, none of them would have driven 13 hours for my wedding and I don't actually hang out with them outside of work very oftenoccasional happy hours, very occasional.nbsp; Luckily, I won't be working here after the wedding so if anyone was actually upset, which they aren't, I would at least have an escape mechanism, lol. Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

Thank you...you make a very valid point. I am still considering it, I know my hearts in the right place. My coworkers and I go out to eat together and go to hockey games together...its really a family like atmosphere and very very laid back. My fiance even hangs out with them now too. My question was to how to do this without making them feel obligated to come. I dont want gifts or expect anything but I plan to be at this job for a long time and I just want them to know that I would love to share my wedding day with them.

ChiGirl2013 · March 2013

If you invite them, that doesn't mean they're obligated to come. An invitation to a wedding is not a demand that you appear "or else" - whether it's for your wedding or any other wedding.

If you're such good friends with these people, why don't you just say "Hey, look..... my invitations went out when I didn't really know you guys very well, but now that I know you better, I'd love to invite you to my wedding. I don't want you to feel you were a last-minute addition, I just wanted to make sure we were really going to be good friends before I extended an invitation. We've grown very close and I'd love to have you there, even though it's short notice. Would you like to come?" If they're good friends of yours, they will understand, and probably give you a very honest answer as to whether or not you're stepping on toes or potentially hurting someone's feelings. DEFINITELY do it outside of work in a social situation, though, so you can keep your work life and private life seperate, as well as avoid awkwardness with anyone at work that you don't plan to invite.

vk2204 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:9f10fff0-536b-42c0-a352-58bf4ca57333">Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding: Thank you...you make a very valid point. I am still considering it, I know my hearts in the right place. My coworkers and I go out to eat together and go to hockey games together...its really a family like atmosphere and very very laid back. My fiance even hangs out with them now too. My question was to how to do this without making them feel obligated to come. I dont want gifts or expect anything but I plan to be at this job for a long time and I just want them to know that I would love to share my wedding day with them.
Posted by FutureMrsKupko[/QUOTE]

If you really want to invite them, I would just be honest and up front about it. Are you inviting everyone at work? I would say to them "Hey, I know this is coming late, but I didn't expect our friendships to become so strong in such a short time, FI and I would love it if you could come to our wedding" and hand them one, or mail it.

In your OP you said that since you got several NO's you had room for them now. Which made it seem like you are only considering it for that reason, and that is a b-list. The post that I quoted has a totally different tone and if you really want them there, invite them.

orangehills · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:bb5de5cf-cc1e-4649-b50c-f41a1bca90fc">Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding : If you really want to invite them, I would just be honest and up front about it. Are you inviting everyone at work? I would say to them "Hey, I know this is coming late, but I didn't expect our friendships to become so strong in such a short time, FI and I would love it if you could come to our wedding" and hand them one, or mail it. In your OP you said that since you got several NO's you had room for them now. Which made it seem like you are only considering it for that reason, and that is a b-list. The post that I quoted has a totally different tone and if you really want them there, invite them.
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Since you started at the job as invitations were going out, they couldn't expect to be invited. Give them the invites personally and just say what PP said- I know this is late, but I didn't expect to get so close to you all and I would love for you to come to the wedding. But since it is coming up and 3 hours away, I'd understand if it was difficult to make it as well. Or something along those lines. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't feel offended because I'd realize I didn't know them that well earlier but be flattered they thought so much of me in that amount of time that they'd want me at their wedding. Is it against etiquette? Technically yes, but it's a tricky subject, and you would know their reactions better than anyone, so go with that!

adawn1981 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-invite-co-workers-so-soon-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:6284ea6d-315d-4c76-8569-c4ad8e55424aPost:a10138a1-1e75-4164-b994-bc0513f5d357">Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to invite coworkers so soon to wedding : I agree with this. Since you started at the job as invitations were going out, they couldn't expect to be invited. Give them the invites personally and just say what PP said- I know this is late, but I didn't expect to get so close to you all and I would love for you to come to the wedding. But since it is coming up and 3 hours away, I'd understand if it was difficult to make it as well. Or something along those lines. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't feel offended because I'd realize I didn't know them that well earlier but be flattered they thought so much of me in that amount of time that they'd want me at their wedding. Is it against etiquette? Technically yes, but it's a tricky subject, and you would know their reactions better than anyone, so go with that!
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

I agree with this as well. I do not think they will have hurt feelings at all if you explain it to them. It may technically be B List, but that is not what you set out to do. Invite them if you want them there! I would not invite anyone I knew for a couple weeks, but if you are close after a couple of months that is very understandable that you would want to invite them now.
Your heart is in the right place and I think they would be honored to be invited to your wedding.

adawn1981 · March 2013

Also, FWIW we also had a very small unintentional B list. After we sent out the invites, we had to invite 5 people:
FI Coworker that was sent to Texas for 4 months and was supposed to be out of town during the wedding on a work project. Well, it looks like he might be done early, so we sent one to him plus a guest. FI explained it and coworker was fine. We would have invited him even though we knew he would not be able to attend because he would be working, but he had been out of the office for awhile and FI simply forgot about him when he was making sure he invited everybody on his team. Only remebered when he got an email saying the project was moving faster than they thought. Oops, but everything worked out.

My MUA is a friend of a friend of mine. I have hung out with her about 10 times over the years, but we are not close. She will do my makeup and hair and since her friend will be at the wedding, I figured why not invite her to stay! I did not send her an invite, just asked her if she wanted to stay, she does so that is cool. No hurt feelings there either.

The one I feel bad about is FI fault!! We invited his brother and his on again, off again girlfriend and his 2 brothers kids. I have never met this gf and did not know that she has 2 kids as well. Well, FI never told me, so her 2 kids did not get invited. Luckily for us, they called and asked and FI lied and said "oh of course they were invited!" Damn FI. How could he overlook that?

So anyway, we all have last minute things come up, and I never intended to B List anyone either, and we really didn't. Life happens, things get overlooked. Everyone understands and life goes on

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