I have two children that I adopted through foster care as a single parent - so there is not an Ex that I have to contend with when it comes to involving my children in the wedding. The only father figure my children have had is my FI, he has been around since they were babies, they call him Dad and he loves him like they are his own.
My FI has two children from a previous relationship. I want them included in our wedding, equally with my children. My son is walking me down the isle, my daughter will be a flower girl. I'd love his son and daughter to stand up with us as well. I adore them and I'm excited for all of us to be a family.
The proplem is that his Ex isn't willing to let it happen. She has had issues with us for 5 years due to her own problems with moving on. She has already had her daughter call to ask what date it is, texted my FI to say that she doesn't even want us talking to the kids about the wedding when we have them because she won't allow them to be there. She doesn't want me showing pictures of my dress, etc.
We don't have scheduled visits, it's never been a problem. We get to see them often and never felt a need to go to court. I would hate to pay the cost of court fees for a 'scheduled visitation' but it's important to us to have them there. Our wedding isn't until next summer, but I'm worried she will leave town that weekend with the kids (she's done that before when he had a cabin vacation planned at the lake). It's like she isn't happy so she doesn't want the kids to be happy with us either.
I don't talk to her, I stay out of it as much as possible and let FI talk to her, arrange pick ups, etc. Do we keep quiet about the date and just secretly get married with the kids? Or tell her and hope that she allows us to have them that weekend?