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FSIL set date a month before ours O_o

CrystaH11CrystaH11 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
My FI and I have been engaged since March and set our wedding date for July 11, 2014 with deposits in October. My FSIL has been engaged for about 2 weeks, and today she set her wedding date for June 7, 2014, already knowing ours was set. Is it just me or is it very rude for an immediate family member of the Bride or Groom to set a wedding date of their own so close to one already occuring? Isn't that a lot to ask from that particular family?
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Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o

  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You get a day.  Not a month, season or year.  Vent to us but please don't vent to your FSIL or your husband's family - it'll only make you look petty.
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    from my point of view, it's an entire month between the two dates, not a big deal at all. it's a lot of time. it's not like your wedding is at 3pm and she made hers for noon that same day.

    tell me, crystaH, how far apart do you personally feel should be between weddings?

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  • CrystaH11CrystaH11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2012
    It's more because his family was going to help with both weddings, and if she does that then they can't really help much with either. His family also has a lot of out of town/state members, which means them possibly having to pick between weddings. She's also one to always have to be the center of attention, so my FI and I feel like it's another ploy to have all of the attention on her. I'm not usually one to be petty, but it's just annoying.
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    how far apart do you think the two weddings should be?
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  • CrystaH11CrystaH11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    When there are a lot of out of town and state family members from his side, a little bit longer than a month
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-set-date-a-month-before-ours-oo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:622729b3-90c0-4f0e-b90e-4f6e587d64ecPost:dec1974c-3c8d-449e-b0a0-bc8f30fe9d94">Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's more because his family was going to help with both weddings, and if she does that then they can't really help much with either.
    Posted by CrystaH11[/QUOTE]

    <div>so what you're saying is "waaaahhhh, my FILs will no longer be spending as much money on my pretty princess day!"</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    how long is a little bit longer? if you can't say what exactly is the appropriate amount of time between the two events, then how could you determine it is too close? and how is anyone else supposed to determine if it is too close or just the right amount of time apart?
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  • CrystaH11CrystaH11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-set-date-a-month-before-ours-oo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:622729b3-90c0-4f0e-b90e-4f6e587d64ecPost:f4492875-6a23-4ea5-9232-9312881e453f">Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o : so what you're saying is "waaaahhhh, my FILs will no longer be spending as much money on my pretty princess day!"
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    No, we couldn't afford the big kind of wedding his family wanted on our own without their help
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    so are you saying that because of the fSIL's wedding, your ILs have taken back their promise of any money they were giving you for your wedding?
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    wzz, i think when you look at it, she wants [-b +/- the sq root of (b^2 - 4ac)]/2a wherein b is expressed in days, a is expressed in the amount of love she and her fi have that is more than her fsil and her fi, and c is, of course, the number of carats in each ring.

    of course, the  final answer is that these women have 1 1/2 years to sort this out.

    (tm) asian doing math
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  • CrystaH11CrystaH11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-set-date-a-month-before-ours-oo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:622729b3-90c0-4f0e-b90e-4f6e587d64ecPost:59beca8f-bd3a-4045-a16b-9be79e551aef">Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o</a>:
    [QUOTE]so are you saying that because of the fSIL's wedding, your ILs have taken back their promise of any money they were giving you for your wedding?
    Posted by Wzz[/QU]

    They are still telling us we have to do all this stuff and invite a lot of guests they want inorder to have any help, but with half of their help we can't do most of what they still want. I didn't want a huge wedding, but they've already put the deposits and everyone on huge venues and everything else. I would have been satisfied with 100 people at most and we could have done that on our own. But the close to 300 guest list they've decided on is impossible with half the help. I am by no means a selfish pretty princess bride. My FI is far more irriated about it than I am.
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    well, hmo, YOU seem qualified to answer the question of how much time needs to be in between two weddings, but you are not crystal. and i think the formula might vary if it were cousins, or friends, and not future in laws.

    im not good at math.
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-set-date-a-month-before-ours-oo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:622729b3-90c0-4f0e-b90e-4f6e587d64ecPost:5467bbe3-927c-4305-883f-c4a856afe451">Re: FSIL set date a month before ours O_o</a>:
    [QUOTE]They are still telling us we have to do all this stuff and invite a lot of guests they want inorder to have any help, but with half of their help we can't do most of what they still want. I didn't want a huge wedding, but they've already put the deposits and everyone on huge venues and everything else. I would have been satisfied with 100 people at most and we could have done that on our own. <strong>But the close to 300 guest list they've decided on is impossible with half the help.</strong> I am by no means a selfish pretty princess bride.
    Posted by CrystaH11[/QUOTE]

    so THEY put deposits on this wedding for you, and you still cant afford it even with their help. nothing you are saying is making any sense.

    you could always pay them back their deposits, IF the money is lost and start planning a wedding that you and your FI could afford, for the amount of people you want to have. this issue, being able to afford your own wedding yourself, has nothing to do with your fSIL.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    so you say that.

    "I'm sorry, that's outside our budget".
    And plan it w/o their hellp.

    But, really, if you can't articulate the length of time that would be 'right', then it's not really a social rule, no?
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  • RWolffRWolff member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Ok, OP, it seems that people are jumping down your throat a little bit because the original wording of your post did make you seem selfish and frustrated that attention/money woiuld be taken away from you. I am going to respond to your original frustration as if you had included all of the relevant information from the beginning.

    If you and FI are happy with and can afford a smaller 100 person wedding, start planning that now. Politely decline ANY money from FILs, including the deposits they have put down. I understand that they will not get this money back, but your FI will have to explain to them that you are no longer able to accomodate their vision of their wedding since the will not be able to pay for their requirements. Money comes with strings, but if they have put down deposits, it indicates a level of committment to the amount you originally agreed upon. If they can no longer afford that amount of money, you will no longer be having a wedding on the scale they envision.

    As for the FSIL, the best thing you can do is relate to her about wedding things, but not actually share your plans. If she can afford the type of wedding her parents seem to want, more power to her, and she can hopefully take some of the pressure off with the FILs. A month is close, but not unheard of. Make sure you follow etiquette and then no one can get mad at you or side eye your wedding.

    Good luck. I know it's frustrating, but keep your frustrations here on TK insead of with FSIL or FILs. They will always be your family for as long as you are with FI, so you need to tread a fine line here.
    Anniversary
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