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Missing gifts...

liz429liz429
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in Registry and Gift Forum
So the hubby and I were married last Saturday, and not the we EXPECT anything from anyone, there are a few people we were kind of shocked not to have received something from. We arent sure if maybe they got lost in transport or if maybe people just forgot. Is there a tactful way to bring it up? We're wanting to figure it out before mailing out thank you's
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Re: Missing gifts...

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    Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited November 2012
    There really is no tactful way to bring it up. It's possible that they either forgot to bring their gift with them to the wedding, or they mailed it to you and it's in transit. Or there is the possibility, of course, that they didn't get you a gift. Either way, there's really no way to inquire.

    If any gifts did get lost somehow, then most likely after not receiving a thank you note, the giver will check back with you, and you can then tell them that you didn't get their gift. Unless and until that happens, assume those people did not give you gifts.

    ETA: I should add that this comes from personal experience. I didn't even know that one person had sent me a shower gift until she called to ask if I'd ever gotten it, and when I told her I hadn't, she called the company. Turns out they'd recorded my address wrong, it was fixed, I got the gift, and I wrote the thank you note that day. Things go wrong with the mail all the time, so people will know to check on things if they don't get a prompt thank you note.
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited November 2012
    I think it's an awkward situation on both ends. I completely agree that you shouldn't ask if they brought a gift. By that same token, I have been to two weddings where we never received a TY note. We brought the gift with us to the wedding and left it on the gift table with all the others, so I don't really see a way it was lost; I think they just didn't write TYs :( I did not feel comfortable saying, "Hey, did you get my gift?" and pointing out their faux paus in not writing a TY, so I didn't.

    I guess I'm just saying that I don't think you should bring it up to them, but they may feel awkward bringing it up like I did, so you may never know for sure.


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    Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_missing-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb1138c9-4de0-4b9f-a001-2253c30aaf2ePost:e39c102a-c8c4-4845-829d-6da9cf9780e8">Re: Missing gifts...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's an awkward situation on both ends. I completely agree that you shouldn't ask if they brought a gift. By that same token, I have been to two weddings where we never received a TY note. We brought the gift with us to the wedding and left it on the gift table with all the others, so I don't really see a way it was lost; I think they just didn't write TYs :( I did not feel comfortable saying, "Hey, did you get my gift?" and pointing out their faux paus in not writing a TY, so I didn't. I guess I'm just saying that I don't think you should bring it up to them, but they may feel awkward bringing it up like I did, so you may never know for sure.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I think besides being proper etiquette, that's a very good reason to ALWAYS write thank you notes. I luckily have never had to chase someone down to make sure he/she received my gift, but if I were in that position, I agree with Summer that I would feel a tad bit awkward asking.

    Even if you were to write those "thank you for coming" notes that many interpret as a gift grab, people who gave you gifts that were lost or misplaced may <em>still</em> feel weird calling you up and saying, "You only thanked me for coming. Does that mean you didn't get my kickass gift?"
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    NeedFavorsNeedFavors member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    How about making a list of the gifts you received and not cross-checking it with the list of your guests. If you receive the gifts after you finished the bulk of the thank you cards, write another one that day.
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